Auntie ASD question Sorry so long.

Re: Auntie ASD question Sorry so long.

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  LadybugPicnic2011

  May 2012

  -auntie-:

    Wow. That's a lot of new information for you to come to terms with. I'm not surprised by the timing though, around 4th grade the social world of the NT tween becomes subtle, sophisticated and complex. AS a group, they become hardwired for conformity and can be unforgiving of those who can't or won't behave in the manner proscribed by their tribe. Is he aware of his dx? Was it something that helped him understand why he is the way he is or has it been something he fights?

  Yes he is aware of his dx.  We sat down and discussed it with him along with having the Psychiatrist that diagnosed him sit with him to explain it.  He seems to understand but likes to use it as a crutch (I can?t because I have?)

  We think of this as a middle school phenomenon, but it starts in 4th. We found the school more proactive around this at the secondary level and consequently, DS felt more comfortable there than he ever had in elementary. Much as we dreaded middle school, it was actually an improvement.

  For the record, my son, who carries the same AS/ADHD label, went through an awful period of depression and anxiety in 5th-6th grade. He was much more self aware around how he was different and he was terrified of the looming transition to middle school. His elementary teachers exacerbated this with all their trash talk about how they wouldn't be babied in middle school, how no one would cut them breaks in middle school, how much more responsibilty they'd have in middle school. I spoke at length with teachers about this, but frankly they seem compelled to scare the bejeesuz out of their charges.

  Frog has more anxiety and depression right now because the class work is getting harder and he is having a hard time adjusting to that.  Socially he is still where he always has been- if he wants to play he asks someone to play-even if it is someone that has told him they don?t like him, don?t want to play with him.  If they say no, he moves on to someone else.  I know he gets disappointed when people don?t want to play with him, but it doesn?t seem to last beyond his next interest.

  DS was medicated, he was taking an SSRI and a stimulant at the time, but the depression and anxity broke through. He had weekly CBT as well at this time. It was a tough time, we talked a lot and tried to help him see how we were there for him. Basically, we rode it out.  Frog is on Adderall for his ADHD and is being evaluated next week for anx/dep medications

  Welcome to my world. Mine doesn't chew things, but he did lick from time to time back in the day.

  What services is he getting? Is he getting any good social thinking curriculum? DS grew a lot with the Michelle Garcia Winner social skills programs. Thinking About You Thinking About Me and Think Social helped him see and take ownership of how other people act toward him based on his own behavior. Ownership made him feel as though he had some measure of control. This works best when a kid can be supported in making the better choices in the moment.

  Has the school devised a plan to help him around the executive function deficits that are making homework hell? Does he have a set of texts at home? Do his teachers have websites with downloadable worksheets and materials? Does he have a graphic organizer to track his assignments?    Frog has a 504 plan currently.  The school says they have to evaluate him to see if he qualifies for Special Education before he can get an IEP. We are fighting this battle, but since his diagnosis was so late in the school year and with only 13 days of school left, everyone keeps saying we will have to wait till next year.  He is getting some assistance through his teachers.  He is attending a social skills class (the curriculum they use is Tough Kids Social Skills).  He also takes a picture of the homework required and has help making sure it gets written in his day planner though getting to a point where someone will check to ensure he actually took the picture vs just asking if he did has been a fight.  We have copies of what texts we can have at home.  Things like math journals have to go back and forth.  Anything that isn?t a given sheet is typed and I email it to his teacher so it doesn?t get lost.  His teachers do not have websites and they are not willing to create them.  He does have a graphic organizer to help track, the problem is getting him to actually do it.  Without someone sitting over his shoulder, it doesn?t get done.

  In 7th grade, DS's IEP custodian has a system with a clear plastic envelope for materials to go back and forth to school. He signed DS's assignment book that the homework was captured, I signed off that it was done and in the envelope.  Kids exchanged phone numbers, so they could get information from classmates in a pinch. He wanted these guys working the phones and talking. His resource teacher did a backpack clean out every other week to help them stay organized. Simple stuff, but it helped.  Unfortunately so late in the school year I don?t think I could get the teachers to start signing they have removed his homework.  This is a great idea to implement in the fall and I will make sure we do so.  I do clean out his backpack on a weekly basis to make sure things don?t get too out of hand there.  Currently there is no one in Frogs class that would be willing to trade phone numbers with him for that.  Hopefully as he gets older, this will be something we can work with.

  WTF? That's insane for a lot of reasons.

  I know a lot of adults with AS who were retained for just this reason in the days before AS was generally dx'd. The resentment these men carry toward their parents and other adults who should have been looking out for them is palpable. The one thing your kid knows he has going for him is his intellectual ability. Don't trivialize that or humiliate him because your district can't come up with a better plan. This is part of the concern, though if it was just the school district I wouldn?t be considering it at all.  Frogs Psychologist suggests it as well.  She is one of the better Psychologists in the area and is really a tell it like it is person. 

  Your son is autistic. If he didn't pick up social skills and organization through osmosis during his first pass at 5th grade, I promise you he won't during his second. The social skills/executive function fairie isn't going to miraculously sprinkle success-dust on him midyear and make it all better. He needs rote instruction in both these areas and transparent support as he learns to master them. It'll be a two steps forward/one step back process as the emerging skills are slowly mastered and then globalized.  I understand what you are saying here.  What is being presented by Frogs Psychologist is he got such a late diagnosis plus having just recently been introduced to a mainstream school system (from a very small charter school) on top of just starting the HG program in Feb. Frog has had a very disruptive 5^th grade year.  The thoughts were to give him a year with accommodations and therapy?s in an attempt to give him an edge over where he is now without him getting farther behind.    

   

  Him bored in school is a recipe for disaster. If he's mastered it, he needs to move onto the next challenge.

  I wouldn't worry so much about the other kids being younger. Socially, they're probably a better fit for where he is emotionally in terms of maturity. Kids with AS have the social and emotional maturity of someone about 2/3 their chronological age. He'd probably be more successful socially with younger, less complicated kids. A social activity that has multiage groups might be a good idea.   We are working on getting Frog in a Social Skills Summer camp one of the therapists runs up here for kids with AS.  I really think he would benefit from it.   One point made by Frogs Psychologist is that since Frog is high functioning the goal is to get him out in society as a functioning Adult.  He will have to hold a job and not every second of every day is engaging at any job.  He will need to constructively learn how to adjust to paying attention even if he is bored.  Frog does have a bad habit of if he is bored, he will say he knows the information already and tune it out. Then he will miss a key component and fail at the task he is set to.  This happens a lot in school  he is constantly having to go back and redo work, not because he didn?t know the answer but because he rushed through it to get it done and got a poor grade on it the first time. 

  Thank you for your input, you have given us a lot to think about!  I welcome any other thoughts you may have as well. 

  A Frog, A Monkey and a Ladybug

  

  

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  LadybugPicnic2011

  May 2012

  -auntie-:

  Can you do a sleep away camp? There are a couple of camps that specialize in theraputic recreation and social skills where he'd have friends and a fun time. These are pricey, but can be life changing.

  Summit, Talisman, Kodiak are 3 that come to mind.

  Thanks Auntie- We will look into the sleep away camps.  He is going to Boy Scout camp this summer as well, but we will see if any of those camps are fesable to get to from AK . 

  A Frog, A Monkey and a Ladybug

  

  

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