Parent/IL vent
Sarafuss
member
Maybe I'm being ridiculous but I'm a little frustrated with my parents and in laws. It seems like every time we let one of them watch DS they either don't feed him enough or put him down for a nap when they should. Like they are too busy "playing" with him and they either forget or don't care that he needs a bottle or a nap. MIL is the worst offender of this. So I usually say, "Well you know it's important for him to have this much formula each day so please remember to give him a bottle at this time and make sure to put him down for a nap around this time". But apparently it's not sticking. DS is always a cranky mess when we get him back. And we're having weight gain issues with DS (that they are aware of) so the amount of food and formula he eats is a huge stressor for me.
My mom is watching DS today as she usually does once a week. She emails me at work to tell me how the days is going. She says DS is enjoying a peanut butter cracker. Um, you're a nurse and a parent of 3 and you just gave a 10 mo. old peanut butter? Ugh. And last week when we met my Dad and step-mom to pick up DS they had him in their convertible car seat forward facing? WTH?! They have always had him RF so I don't know what prompted that. I about had a heart attack when I saw that.
I have corrected them on all of these things when they come up so I'm not sure what else to do short of not letting him stay with them. Which I don't want to do that. I guess I just needed to vent. Anyone else have these problems with their parents or in laws?
Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues
TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui
TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12
TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks
Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts.
TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
Re: Parent/IL vent
I would take a firmer stance. My parents watch DS 2 days a week. THey follow our rules pretty well. There are some things they do that frustrate me - but in the end, it's not a big deal. They do about 80 - 90% of what we want, I can ignore the little that they don't do.
BUT on issues like feeding him...??? He's having weight issues and your MIL won't make sure he's fed? That's a huge issue to me.
While you don't want to do it, I would actually say "This is what we need for you to do and if you can't, then we're not going to be able to have you watch DS anymore". That might be enough to make them realize how serious this is to you.
My IL's dont' watch DS for many reasons. And now that he has celiac disease and there has been one incident at least where FIL tried to use a knife he just used on his bread to cut something for DS.... it's even MORE reason why we don't let them watch him. It's too serious of an issue for them to be "oh, oopsie!" about.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree that I do need to be more firm with them. Especially about the feeding issue. My mom is the one who watches him most and I'm comfortable with telling her what to do. But my MIL, I'm not so comfortable with.
Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues
TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui
TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12
TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks
Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts.
TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
It's pretty hard for parents/ILs to get the baby to go down for naps or eat regularly. A lot of it is due to the baby being in a different person's care, and baby tends to be a little off schedule, and more excited, more fussy, etc. Once when we left the twins with my parents for a night out, my parents put them to sleep at their normal time and when we came home at 11:30, I found my twin 4 month olds awake in the living room with grandma and grandpa holding them, lol. I laughed. I knew it was probably just odd for them to be in their care. Apparently they woke up crying after a few hours (which was unusual)
Peanut butter is fine to have before 1 year, and honestly here in the US people are really over exaggerating the whole peanut allergy thing, and alot of it is really due to genetic factors. I was overseas and people give their kids all sorts of peanut butter flavored snacks.
This. The AAP and US allergy guidelines have all been updated to match the European allergy guidelines. This means that all food restrictions prior to the age of 1 have been removed with the exception of honey and for those children with known food allergies. All the current research shows that early exposure, after 6 mos of age, does not increase a child's odds of developing an allergy. If a parent has severe food allergies or is deemed "highly allergic" your pedi may recommend waiting on the high allergens until 9 mos, but that is not the standard recommendation.
As for everything else if your parents and ILs can't feed your LO like you want I would just stop letting them babysit until they can. As far as napping I agree with PP it can be difficult for other people to get your LO to nap so while I wouldn't love that LO wasn't napping it wouldn't be a huge deal for me. The feeding issue would be a huge issue for me though.
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!