Baby shower question

LoveOfMikesLife · April 2012

I just want to start off by saying that I am 100% aware that having a baby shower for your 2+ is considered gift grabby and tacky

That all being said- I have a friend that REALLY wants to throw me another shower ( I had a beautiful one for my daughter). I told her politely that I really appreciate the offer but I don't think another shower is needed seeing as we still have everything from the last shower that isn't even used. And the bigger items are all gender neutral. She is still insisting! She says that I will need boy things now and that this baby needs to be celebrated too. And that maybe it will help me to feel like this baby will come home with us. She has brought up throwing this shower several times now.

So my question is, how do I tell her no so that she "gets it", or should I just give in and let her throw one? I don't want to come across as gift grabby but I don't want to be rude to her either. ( not that it matters but this is an older friend, she is a good friends mother and someone that I truly respect). So what do you ladies think I should do?

adoxyinherear · April 2012

I think if she really wants to do it and it won't make you uncomfortable, go for it. I'm usually feeling grouchy about more than one shower, but I feel like what she's saying is true, you're celebrating the baby that you are expecting. It seems like it could be really nice, if it's something that you would like.

walker03 · April 2012

If the only set back is you feeling bad for having a second shower then try to put that aside and celebrate your baby. Do what you feel comfortable doing.

prestonsmomma · April 2012

I had the same problem. I just told them I wasn't comfortable with idea and I was afraid it would jinx things. They understood and so they had a celebration dinner for me instead....which I insisted on no gifts.

littlepenguin2012 · April 2012

Something similar here with my MIL (she didn't get to throw me a shower the first time because I didn't make it that far, but my mom did). I told her I would really like to wait until baby is here and then have a meet and greet a few months later. She thought that sounded really fun and was excited about it. Maybe that could work for you too?

Nikki1219 · April 2012

Maybe tell her that she can throw one only if she keeps it super low key. Not a lot of guests, decorations, etc. Just maybe a small lunch or desert party with like 10 people.

unstuck6jb · April 2012

littlepenguin2012:
Something similar here with my MIL (she didn't get to throw me a shower the first time because I didn't make it that far, but my mom did). I told her I would really like to wait until baby is here and then have a meet and greet a few months later. She thought that sounded really fun and was excited about it. Maybe that could work for you too?

I like this idea too! I don't think anyone would think anything of you having a shower for this baby either way, but it might be fun to have it after the baby comes and then you can leave it open ended as to whether people bring gifts or not.

CnAnA · April 2012

I think you should let her throw a shower if she really, really wants to, and if you're comfortable with it. Just don't put any "big stuff" on the registry. Stick to like diapers and clothes and such.

Honestly, in my family, we tend to have showers for every baby because we think every baby should be celebrated. The big stuff tends to be given at the first one, then we stick to thinks like i mentioned above.

weddedwife · May 2012

I think it really comes down to you & your comfort level. If you are ultimately uncomfortable with the idea then go with one of the ideas the other ladies suggested, which are all nice ideas.

That said, I personally think if your first baby died, none of those etiquette rules about 2nd baby showers applies! I doubt anyone would think you were being gift- grabby.

delino · May 2012

What you can suggest is that she call it a "Sprinkle". I've seen many Baby Sprinkles instead of Showers. It implies that it's a smaller event, hence smaller gifts, but still an equally big celebration. And if anyone gives you grief...send them my way. I'll give em a swift kick in the pants.

coastalmaine · May 2012

delino:
What you can suggest is that she call it a "Sprinkle". I've seen many Baby Sprinkles instead of Showers. It implies that it's a smaller event, hence smaller gifts, but still an equally big celebration. And if anyone gives you grief...send them my way. I'll give em a swift kick in the pants.

I agree with delino! If you can stress to your friend that you want it to be more low key and register for smaller items maybe that would work for your comfort level? I Wouldn't think anything of it I'd I were invited to a second shower given your situation.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · May 2012

Maybe ask her to have a brunch instead, maybe within a few weeks of your due date, and ask her to put "no gifts necessary" on the invite? People will still bring gifts anyways, but that way it wouldn't come across as "grabby?"

ETA: oh, I really like the idea of a "meet&greet" once baby gets here, too. That's a great idea!

KateR18 · May 2012

A lot of my friends are pregnant with their second (or 3rd) child, so we've had "baby showers" that are really just lunches with pretty cakes where we honor the not-so-new mom. One woman was on her 4th kid, needed absolutely nothing, so we got her a gift certificate for her pot-partum doula.

So I think you could do it, but insist no gifts. Or at least don't register.

sld5711 · May 2012

If she is super insistant I say have a celebration of life party. People can bring super small gifts (if any gifts) to welcome the baby. Dont do all the decorations and other things baby shower related just keep it super low key.

LoveOfMikesLife · May 2012

Thanks ladies! If she brings it up again I will mention the "sprinkle" or meet and greet to her and see if either of those will work to make us both comfortable.

katmacwv · May 2012

In my area and with my group of friends, a sprinkle shower isn't considered tacky at all. I just kept my guest list small and when people asked what we needed, I told them diapers, wipes and clothes.

ChevelleRivers · May 2012

I would suggest to her that she host a brunch, or something similar, rather than a shower to celebrate this babe. That way, you won't run the risk of breaching etiquette.

babyquestnortheast · May 2012

I think I'd give in and let her throw it. she has a good point about letting this baby be celebrated.

chloebeth930 · May 2012

I don't think having a 2nd shower will make you seem gift grabby or tacky. If you are comfortable with having another shower then let her throw you one. If it makes you uncomfortable then just flat out tell her that you will not have a 2nd shower but maybe she can throw you some other type of celebration (like a meet the baby party or something) or a celebratory lunch (where there would be no gifts and a smaller guest list).

krysiahamaty · May 2012

I think it's completely up to you and how you feel. A few friends have asked about having a shower since i have no girly stuff but like you, I have everything and a lot is gender neutral. I have told them flat out, I do not want a shower. They said if anything, they will plan something after her arrival. (if she arrives). Good luck and just do whatever you feel is right for you.

hurdalyson · May 2012

Maybe you could ask her to throw it after the baby is born. Then you're more likely to truly just get things you dont necessarily already have for later on in baby's life - and its not just about "getting stuff", its about people getting to meet the baby as well. It should satisfy her desire to throw you a shower, and not seem quite so tacky. Plus then you dont have a ton of people descending on your house to visit if they know they'll get to see the baby at a shower.

chusum · May 2012

I say let her do it. It's a different sex, and I think your friends would understand. If they don't they shouldn't come.

Baby shower question

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