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What would happen to stepparent if bio parent dies?

dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
in Blended Families

Hopefully this will never happen for any of us.  But in particular in my situation I do not get along at all with my ex so I assume if something happened to me my future husband would probably never get to see my son.  And vice versa.  It seems like if this ever happened the only way the child would get to see the stepparent is if the bio parent gets along with the step parent or if the child is old enough to ask for them.

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Re: What would happen to stepparent if bio parent dies?

  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    I am sorry that happened to you and glad your mom handled it so well.  I guess if the children are old enough it works that way.  My son is only two so I don't know how I would handle it with him at such a young age.
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  • RealFloF9RealFloF9

    Years before, SS had speculated this.  What if DH died, where would he go? SS said he would have stayed with me, because I wouldn be alone with the kids and have no one to help.

    Had we asked him this question a year ago, I think it would have been different.

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  • 10-4LilBuddy10-4LilBuddy member
    Unfortunately, a step parent has no legal right to visitation in most cases.  Neither do the grandparents.  Any visitation is at the mercy of the surviving parent.  This scares me because I'm not sure what our BM would do.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    image10-4LilBuddy:
    Unfortunately, a step parent has no legal right to visitation in most cases.  Neither do the grandparents.  Any visitation is at the mercy of the surviving parent.  This scares me because I'm not sure what our BM would do.

    ^^ This is unfortuately true, but changes a bit if there's a sibling involved.  Recently Judges are starting to (finally) realize that blended families often have more children.  So if BP and SP have a baby, then they want to make sure SC has a relationship with the sibling even if the bio parent passes away.  I'm not sure to what extent the "relationship" is enforced though.

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  • offbeatmamaoffbeatmama

    imageJNL$LSM:
    When my bio dad died, 18 years ago today, my Mom would still send my sister and me, to my Grandma and allow my second Mom (sorry I hate step-mom), see us. She said she would never take that away from them and would want my Dad to do the same if should happen to her.

    This. It isn't an issue at the moment (neither XH nor I are remarried or even remotely close to doing so). If he passed away I would make an effort to keep his family involved. They live out of state so it would probably mostly involve pics and e-mails with 1-2x/year visits.

    If he remarried, she was a good person / really cared for DS, and she wanted to stay involved in his life then I would let her. There's nothing between X and I (no jealousy or hard feelings) and he's a good dad with good judgement in terms of relationships. I certainly wouldn't want to split time 50/50 with her but I would absolutely still allow her visitations and keep her in the loop with the same type of stuff I do for XH. The more people who love DS the better imo.

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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    My former ILs have been very kind to me and my kids, so if XH were to die, I would go out of my way to make sure they got to see DS. And really, since almost all of XH's parenting time occurs at their home, I wouldn't see any reason to change anything at all.

    I've expressed my wishes about DS's living situation to XH. If I were to die, and DS were to go straight to XH, DS would lose his everyday dad, his sister, his grandparents, his school, his friends, his home, etc. I think that would be incredibly sad and cruel. So I asked that XH either allow DS to stay here and just maintain the same arrangement in place now, or that if he insisted DS live with him, he make gradual changes.

    XH said he didn't know what he would do, but that he would consider my wishes. 

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Honestly at 2yo I think it would be best for the kid to not have visitation in most cases if there are no kids bc they would not remember. It becomes an issue with half-sibs and when they get older assuming they want a relationship. But if you are unwilling to give SM visits then don't expect bM to do it. 
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • SaranSaran member
    Although my sk's would end up staying with their mother full time and I lose the 50/50 joint, given our relationship, I think she would definately make an effort to have the kids spend time with me and their siblings. I'd like to think it's because of our relationship but it could be cause she knows I'm the beneficiary on the life policy and will most likely be putting them thru college so she doesnt want to mess that up. LOL Little does she know, it doesn't matter how she acts in the future. I WILL put those kids thru college and they will know they can come to me for anything, just like their half siblings.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imageSaran:
    Although my sk's would end up staying with their mother full time and I lose the 50/50 joint, given our relationship, I think she would definately make an effort to have the kids spend time with me and their siblings. I'd like to think it's because of our relationship but it could be cause she knows I'm the beneficiary on the life policy and will most likely be putting them thru college so she doesnt want to mess that up. LOL Little does she know, it doesn't matter how she acts in the future. I WILL put those kids thru college and they will know they can come to me for anything, just like their half siblings.

    Saran, the BM in your situation will keep you involved because she needs childcare  ;-) hee hee hee.  Kidding.  Kinda....

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  • SaranSaran member
    imagejobalchak:

    imageSaran:
    Although my sk's would end up staying with their mother full time and I lose the 50/50 joint, given our relationship, I think she would definately make an effort to have the kids spend time with me and their siblings. I'd like to think it's because of our relationship but it could be cause she knows I'm the beneficiary on the life policy and will most likely be putting them thru college so she doesnt want to mess that up. LOL Little does she know, it doesn't matter how she acts in the future. I WILL put those kids thru college and they will know they can come to me for anything, just like their half siblings.

    Saran, the BM in your situation will keep you involved because she needs childcare  ;-) hee hee hee.  Kidding.  Kinda....

    Yes  LOL

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