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Toddlers: 24 Months+
meg1974
member
discipline question
meg1974
member
What (non-spanking) discipline technique/method do you use for your 2 1/2 year old? Time out doesn't work for us b/c DD likes it too much (she actually asks to go there). She doesn't really seem to get the concept of "punishment," but she's been acting up a lot more lately so we need to do something.
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Re: discipline question
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Thanks for the tips. I'll check out those methods. I'm reading Dr. Sears' book on discipline, but some of it seems kind of unrealistic to me.
We have been doing the thing where we take away something (i.e. if she pushes her vacuum toy into the dog, we take the toy away), but that doesn't seem to work anymore. She's also starting to hurt DD #2, so we need to somehow get that under control ASAP.
A time out doesn't have to mean go to a room but to be removed from the situation. I like 123 Magic and I follow the ideas. For example, today DD was acting out in the waiting room at my Drs office. There isn't a room to put her in so I strapped her down in the stroller for 2 minutes. She cried for the first, then calmed down for the second. When it was all over she was content sitting there so I left her in it and got out an app for her to play with.
I do put her in her room when we are home, sometimes she plays and sometimes she cries. Regardless, she's removed from the situation.
A time out can also be leaving where ever you are, going to be early, missing a favorite TV show or movie, etc. You just have to find out what works for your child. At 2, time out works for us.
I focus on natural consequences and determining the cause for the behavior. I first get myself in check: Is this really a problem or am I just annoyed? I treat all tantrums as communicative attempts. I almost always know why so I give the option: I tell them to calm down and feed them the words they need to get their point across appropriately, or I walk away and let them tantrum. The natural consequence is "I can't understand you, so I am going to wait until you can speak." Or the natural consequence is - "Oh I see. You are two and an emotional mess. Let me remind you how to use your words." But I don't say those things obviously.
2 yr olds can do annoying and inappropriate things; drives DH and he tends to jump into loud timeout for everything or getting exasperated and having his own tantrum. I focus on how it REALLY affects the them.
-On a walk, does not stop when asked, won't stay on sidewalk: I pick him/her up.
-At the mall, doesn't listen: go home
- won't stop touching x: put x away, or remove from that room
-hits/rude to peer at playground- I apologize to the child, make sure he's okay and take the kids home.
-Takes food out of the kitchen- loses food.
- won't come brush teeth and hair before leaving-:Instead of a knock down drag out, I put her in the carseat, dirty mouth and NO pigtails. Holy crap that never happened again- we love pigtails.
The most imprtant thing, I think, is to learn to not lose your cool (I'm good at this but still snap sometimes) and not warn/talk at child, give them infinite amount of power over you. Instead, say once, "If you run too far again, we will turn around and I will carry you home." And do it. Don't negotiate. Don't get into the "well are you going to..." End it right there.
I do think 123 Magic is great and a good script. I like it because it forces the child to process ooh. she's counting. what am I doing wrong. Oh, let me fix that. But I never did it with my kids, yet when I resort to counting (once a week?), they are at my heel before I get to 3- it is funny. But it also provides a bit of leeway for the occasional child who uses 1 and 2 to decide whether to bolt east or west. So I think it is betther suited to 4 and up because they are mature enough to use reasoning beyond "what's going to be more fun in 3 seconds?"
If your older child is acting out against your younger child, it might be a jealousy thing. I read these articles when my older one was little, and acting out against the baby, some months after the baby came home.
https://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/sibling_rivalry.html#
https://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/newbaby.htm
With my girls, I focused on lavishing my big girl with positive attention when she was playing nicely with her baby sister, explaining her role as a big sister when she crossed the line after immediately nipping the behavior in the bud, and making sure we had one on one time.
I also totally allowed her the "regress" and act like a baby, and I would scope her up and rock her and sing lullabies and swaddle her and then put her to bed, all with a big happy face as if it were a fun game. It got old for her quickly, and she has learned to become a loving thoughtful and protective big sister.