Coping with grief and stress
Hi ladies,
I don't post too often, but felt the need to share and seek some advice. I'm concerned about my health and the health of our little one during a very difficult time in our lives.
My husband's brother passed away very suddenly and tragically last week. This comes not many years after the loss of his father due to medical issues and the loss of his mother to suicide. My husband is a very strong person and I know will make it through this, and knowing we have a little on on the way has been so helpful in helping us look forward to the future. I can't help but to worry about my own health though, and the health of our baby as we deal with the grief and stress of this situation. I'm trying to be strong for my husband, but this situation on top of pregnancy hormones has made me a mess. On top of the intense sadness we have so much to deal with on the business side of things - a house to clean/fix up, affairs to get in order, a house to sell, all from another state!And of course I keep having anxiety about losing this baby after all the loss we have been though.
How do I cope with this stress and keep me and baby (and my husband) healthy.
Re: Coping with grief and stress
Man, I feel for you. I am SO sorry you and your hubby are going thru such hard times. I lost my father when I was 23 wks pregnant with my first. He was only 53, died suddenly and it was right in front of me and my family. It was a devastating blow. Not only was I grieving but I was worrying about my mom and running myself ragged trying to make sure she was ok. Our bodies can handle a lot. It is really important that you let yourself grieve -- I grieved, but I didn't let myself fully grieve and I suffered from bad anxiety becuase of that almost a yr after. I'd suggest you get in touch with a therapist to help you sort thru your emotions, etc. I used a Cognitive Therapist who did WONDERS for me. Like I said, you have to grieve but you also have to limit stress etc so your LO can thrive. Please talk to someone -- it really does help. You are in my thoughts.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I am so sorry for your loss. I know losing family is very hard to endure. I lost my grandpa last year, and my grandma a few years before that. I couldn't imagine trying to cope with a loss while pregnant. Have you guys tried talking to a therapist? Unfortunately I'm not a professional, so I can't give you the advice you need, but that's what I did when I lost my grandparents and it helped me cope a little better. Also, I found that if you try and remember the good times you had with them, rather than focussing on the fact that they are not around anymore, seems to help. It might sound cruel, and it is probably way too early for it, but try and joke about them. For me, it was "yeah grandpa almost killed me once trying to re-fill his zippo lighter while driving. Crazy old man" and other things like that.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you!
MIL is dying as we speak (leukemia). We are waiting/dreading the inevitable call that will likely come this week. It has been hard on myself and DH. I feel like I have to be super strong to comfort and be there for him because I know how hard he is taking this.
I sort of do what pp suggested and bring up funny stories about MIL. It relieves some stress to laugh at her crazy personality. I trry to think of the happy times. I try my best to listen to DH anytime he needs to vent about the situation.
We have a lot of other stressors at the moment but this is obviously the #1 stressor. Honestly, I try not to think about it too much. It's always in the back of my head and I do cry at times but I do what I can for DH during this hard time. I handle grief differently than some I guess so what works for me may not work for you. I do agree with others that speaking to someone may help you even if it is to get out what it is you need to and cry.
CRAFTY ME
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I'm so sorry, hun. I think you've got a lot of suggestions here. I would talk to your OB, too, about any counselors who specialize in post partum depression, since I'd think they have good experience in handling pregnancy hormones in general.
We lost MIL the day after DD was born and it was so very difficult, but that little life you're carrying really can be a great source of comfort and hope. (DD's middle name is Joy because she was our little light of joy at that time.)
It helped me a lot to concentrate on my husband and what he needed.
Thank you all for your responses. It helps hearing the ways you have all coped with loss during a time that should be so happy and exciting. It's the being strong for my husband part that is just so hard...I want to put on a tough face and be the strong one, but it's just so hard.