Question for those who co-sleep
amanda1680
member
We have never co-slept just out of personal preference, so I admittedly don't know much about it. We have friends who had their DD in bed with them since day 1.... but not because they researched co-sleeping ahead of time or knew they wanted to do it, but more out of default. Well, their DD is now 4 years old and still in their bed. She has her own room but has never once slept in it. She won't sleep in a toddler bed next to the parents' bed either. The parents want her to sleep in her own room, but not badly enough to do anything except ask the child if she wants to sleep in her own bed. Well obviously she says NO!
I just wonder how old is too old? Is it common for co-sleepers to still have their child in their bed at age 4 and beyond? When and how do you get the child in their own bed, in their room? I just can't imagine having a 4 year old sleep between DH and I! And she won't go to bed until the mom goes to bed, and then they fall asleep to the TV. The mom says she (the DD) doesn't usually fall asleep until 10 pm. With all the sleep problems I've had with Macy and all the books I've read, I just can't imagine how you would "sleep train" a 4 year old at this point. Anyway, I hope this doesn't come across as judgey. I just wondered if this is common or there's a certain age when the child is encouraged to sleep in their own bed?
Re: Question for those who co-sleep
I think it's common in certain circles. In the no cry sleep solution her idea for an older child is to use charts that you hang in their room. Like steps to bedtime. Each step a check goes up and for a week of all checks (including sleeps in own bed) they get a reward. There may be more to it since I just skimmed that section since obviously we aren't there yet. She may want to get that book though.
There is also a no-cry sleep solution book for toddlers that might help them.
While it is uncommon in the US, really the western world is the only place where children/babies are expected to sleep in their own rooms/beds. So most of the world co-sleeps, especially while babies/toddlers are breastfeeding and after that too (I think). I recently read the book Our Babies, Ourselves, and it was really interesting thinking about how children are raised in different parts of the world. I don't think there is one right way to do it.
My parent's never allowed me in their bed as a baby/infant... That being said... When I was a toddler I didn't want to sleep in my room. I wanted to sleep with my parents. Throughout various times in my life I can remember climbing in bed with my parents, or at least my mom to sleep. When my dad was OTR truck driving, I slept with my mom almost every night... And that wasn't just in elementary school... I'm talking about curling up in her bed when I was in high school.
We've been co-sleeping and it works for us. Honestly, I don't really care when she transitions to her own bed.
We did bed share but only until 7 months, so I don't know much about it with an older child...
I think its interesting that PP brought up other cultures. I have a friend from India who grew up bed sharing with her parents/siblings until late childhood. She said eventually the children sleep on the floor in the parents room when they are older, but not in their own rooms until much later. It's very interesting how different cultures view things so differently. In her culture, bed sharing is the norm. Here, most people do not consider it the norm. She now bed shares with her baby and has no problem with continuing into childhood, from what she's expressed to me.
I have no clue how you would go about transiting a 4 year old to his or her room. This is why I wanted to transition A from our bed sooner than later - I was afraid it would get harder and harder as she got older. I loved bed sharing with her but I didn't want to end up in a situation like your friend's. I'm sure there are others who have one through this - even if kids don't start from birth with bed sharing, a lot end up in bed with their parents at some point.
I don't think it's that strange- well, let me rephrase that. I can see that is an unusual situation, but I don't think it's odd that a 4 year old wants to sleep with them or that they let her. Lots of families bed share part time with older children, but probably don't call it that. You know, by letting kids crawl into bed with them in the morning or late at night.
We are still bed sharing, because it's still working for us. Soon we will side car our crib for more space. I've actually heard, mostly on the AP boards here but in some other reading I've done too, that transitioning older children can be easier, since you can explain to them that you are nearby and will be able to come to them if they need something, you know? Now, that's not saying most older children would choose to sleep on their own, but I think when they are older and you can talk to them about it, it may be an easier transition than a baby whose routine is upset and he/she doesn't know why. Not that there aren't good ways to transition at any age, but that's my take on things.
I think I misunderstood PP, but Ferber doesn't recommend watching TV to sleep, right? That's a bad sleep association, I'm assuming, since that is widely not recommended for adults with sleep disorders. Backlights from TV and computers interfere with the sleep parts of your brain, among other reasons. I'm sure that's what PP meant, but I just wanted to clarify