need support! convince me not to throw in the towel. (long)
kris_kelsey
member
Of course I am hormonal, and I just want to give up. Please help give me hope, goals, support, or reasons why I want to keep going.
DD is a relatively good baby. She probably feeds 8-9 times in 24 hours and is usually calm or sleeping inbetween, but once or twice a day she will stay awake for a a few hours and fight sleep and sort of cluster feed. Now I know this is normal (I am an L&D/postpartum nurse and LC for gosh sakes), but she feeds for 45min to an hour. this baffles me because DS would nurse for 15min MAX due to my high supply and flow. I can feel let down with DD and she takes a few gulps and then stops sucking. She always stays in the breast, but she just is a very lazy nurser and does more non-nutritive sucking (pacifying) but with intermittent nutritive sucking (with swallows). So I keep her on the breast because every 7th suck or so she swallows and I need to get milk in her, but these long drawn out feedings SUCK. Especially with my 4 yr old wanting me to interact with him. Then when she is done sometimes she is calm and sometimes she is still rooting...really? after 45-60min and still rooting. I massage the milk down to get her to swallow more but she still takes it at her own pace.
DD takes a bottle lickity split, maybe 10 minutes or less like any other baby. It only takes me a few minutes to pump off 1-3 oz ...i give her an oz if she breastfed but is still rooting, or i pump 3oz if I am replacing a breastfeed. The downfall of pumping is...do I want to be an EP??? Do I want that time and commitment? Should I do both throughout the day to keep her on the breast but also to keep some of her feeds shorter? Also, the bottle (tommee tippee) doesn't go without it's own issues. Almost every single time she has had a bottle she has aspirated (choked). I sit her up to bottle feed and she will be doing fine but then out of no where she aspirates and starts coughing, but each cough gets smaller and then she doesn't take a breath and starts turning blue-ish. I usually pat her back but one time I actually gave her one breath of mouth to nose/mouth to expand her lungs again because she just wasn't breathing. I was talking to my NICU RN friend and she suggested continuing to try the bottle because she will gradually learn to coordinate her suck/swallow/breath. I agree, but for now I won't let anyone else give her a bottle since I am the only one trained in neonatal resuscitation.
To top it off I MIGHT have a plugged duct but I can't tell. One area of my right breast feels more firm (like there is a pinky finger in my breast pointing toward the nipple), and it is tender. But with DS I remember this area being more tender in general and I'm not sure if it is tender because of a plug, or if it is just part of my normal breast tissue and I have made it tender by pushing and pushing on it to try to get any milk out. The area does not seem to be getting any more full, red, and when I massage really nothing comes out from it. Anyone just have a small area of their breast that is more firm without a plug???
Any support, advice, thoughts you could share would be appreciated. I have been bawling and bawling because I just don't want to have to think about any of this stuff anymore.
p.s. I EBF DS (plus complementary foods at 6 months) until he was 23 months. So really I have done this and made it through, but she is just a whole different feeder and I am an emotional wreck.
Re: need support! convince me not to throw in the towel. (long)
Well, I am no expert, especially compared to you. But if she has trouble with a bottle, I can absolutely see how it takes her an hour to nurse. When she is not swallowing, she's probably breathing because she hasn't figured out how to swallow then breathe properly.
She's only a week old. Do not give up on nursing yet. If she has a weak suck and is in general uncoordinated, that will resolve in the next couple of weeks. You do not want to throw away 20+ months of a nursing relationship just because she is struggling the first few weeks. If she is aspirating milk from a bottle, I would take her to a doc to be evaluated. That's not normal unless she's a preemie.
As far as the plugged duct goes, have you tried pumping that breast until it's empty? If there is still a lump there, it's probably a plugged duct. If it empties, it's probably just sore (or you cleared the plug and it will be fine in a day or so).
You're doing great. Having a 1 week old is just really really hard. Try to be patient, take it 1 feeding at a time, and don't quit on a bad day!
I'm not trying to downplay what you are saying, but to me it sounds like the hormones are talking. It's easy to get upset when you feel overwhelmed. I think your DD sounds like a normal 1 week old baby. As PP said, she will need a little time to get her suck/swallow/breathe reflexes down. The best advice I ever got from this board is "don't quit on your worst day." Keep going for another 2-3 weeks and see how you feel then. Remind yourself, it does get easier.
Good luck!
I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I agree with PP that hormones are playing a big role right now. I can't give you any advice because it sounds like you know more than I, and that only you can make the decision about what you think is best, however...
I would not make the decision to EP right now. It sounds like what you need is some additional support. Do you have a friend or family member who is supportive of breastfeeding and willing to come over for a few hours a day to help you out? It also sounds like pumping once a day, and letting someone else bottlefeed, may help you (although you need to watch out for nipple preference).
I also wanted to add that my DS was the same exact way and I remember feeling the same way that you do now. The thing is, you are still so close to delivery, and every baby is so different, I would not make any drastic decisions right now. The two things that helped to keep me going were these two pieces of advice, 1) Never quit on a bad day, and 2) set small goals and reassess when you get there. I encourage you to set a goal, reach it and then reassess. Good luck! You are doing a great job, and it sounds like you know in your heart what is best. Try to hang in there, I promise it will get better.
Have you tried wearing her? Being upright most of the time in the Moby really helped DD. It also kept my hands free. I was lucky that she kept most of her cluster feeding to the evenings, but I know how hard it can be to feel trapped. When I started using the Moby the world opened up!
It makes no sense to me to give her a bottle if it is causing her trouble. I don't understand that advice at all. I can see how being stuck on the couch all the time with another youngster who wants your attention would be rough, but if she is getting milk while nursing and not turning blue while nursing that seems like it is working best for her even if it takes a long time.
Is your other child home with you all day? What does he do when you are working? Is there daycare or somewhere he can go a few times a week so he can get out and you can focus on DD?
As far as quitting, I am personally not a goal person. I like to take things one day at a time-or even one feeding at a time. It is less overwhelming to me that way. Good luck!
After reading your comment (and realizing it was directed at me) I went back and read the OP's original post more closely since I was responding more to the fact that she was feeling overwhelmed.
OP, the aspirating/choking/not breathing does not sound right at all. I agree with PP that you should probably get it checked out. Does your LO choke at all when you initially let down? Have you tried other bottles?
Also, I would not normally recommend having someone bottlefeed before 4-6 weeks, and have never given DS a bottle or had someone else give him a bottle when I am around. However, the OP sounds incredibly overwhelmed, and I think that taking a break (making sure to pump the missed feeding), rather than throwing in the towel, would be a smart move. Of course, the whole recommendation is predicated on the fact that her LO can be fed safely from the bottle, which sounds uncertain at this point.
thanks for all the encouragement and advice! I have a call into the doc about the aspiration, and I scheduled an appt for an LC consult tomorrow. I feel like I *should* know all this stuff but I am at my wits end and some outside support or advice will do me some good.
p.s. I got the plug to start draining today! DD won't nurse it out, but it easily expresses out so that is a step in the right direction.