BM 'needs me' more
Phantomgirl
member
Yup thats what she said.
Friday I had a day off and decided to go get myself a nice coffee. I walk in to the cafe and BM is sat at a table alone. We had coffee together and chatted.
The short version of the story is... older sister, who's DH is a doctor, is moving to Canada with him for 24 months. Younger sister, who BM lives with, is a teacher and will spend the summer in Canada helping older sister settle in. BM parents are holidaying in Spain for most of the summer. So basically all of BM support is gone for a few months.
Anyhow BM needs more money and the opportunity to work more has come up as her colleague is sick and needs surgery that will require several months recovery.
Thus BM said she needs me more to help out. I said no prob. She reiterated that she is not comfortable calling dh or asking him for anything so she will communicate through me. I said that was fine we are just happy to have more time with SS.
I expect we will have SS minimum of 4 nights a week all summer!!!
I got my first request for help from her today via text...
Hey 'Phantom' I was wondering if you could keep SS on Sunday night as well next weekend as 'insert BM BFF name' is arranging a night out. Like I said mam and dad are away but no worries if you can't.
Hmmm - nights out weren't really the point of the exercise BUT who turns down more time right???
Me: No Prob 'BM'
BM: Thanks, you're so good
If i'm so good why do I feel like a sucker?!?
Re: BM 'needs me' more
It sounds as if you enjoy having SS around, so I don't think of you as a "svcker" at all.
If it didn't work out for you to keep SS, especially for a "girls night out," and not for work, then you could have said no. Even if you just wanted a night to yourself, or your own night on the town (with the girls or with DH). She did say "no worries if you can't."
As long as you have the right boundries for feeling able to say no if you have something else going on, you should not feel taken advantage of.
I will also add - - if you have something going on, there is no reason why your H can't watch HIS OWN CHILD.
I don't think of me as a sucker either. I just think its ironic that I agree to help her out because she 'needed' more support and more money, then as soon as I agree she is off clubbing.
Dh and I don't mind taking SS at all so I guess what I am saying is that was no need for the hard sale tactics, she could have just asked.
There is no reason why your H can't watch HIS OWN CHILD - this is not an issue for me, see my next post!
I know exactly what you mean! Of course we want to watch the kids as much as possible, but I worry that we say yes to BM too often. But like PP said, as long as you're comfortable with telling her no when you can't or would rather not take them, it's not a big deal.
Side note: I'd keep track of all the times she asks you to take SS on "her" time. That way if pushes for more CS (if you pay anything now) or if she tries for more custody, you have info to back yourselves.
Being a sucker is part of the blended family deal sometimes.
I found out that my SS is more than capable of making himself breakfast and lunch and has been doing this at his Mom's house for a few years now. I have been thinking something must be wrong with the kid since at 13 he couldn't make toast without help.
His older brother who is living with us make a comment and I was shocked at how much my SS actually knows how to do. From the sound of it he cooks better than I do.
How to get him to want to brush his teeth is next on my list. He doesn't do this at either house. Ewww.