Nervous about first sex post loss

kmcp · April 2012

I'm starting to get nervous about the first sex experience post loss, both the physical and emotional implications. I'm only 3 days post d&c, but you know, I need something else to worry about (/sarcasm). It's been over a month since we've had sex because I started spotting right after my bfp. I'm not saying DH is going to be standing there tapping his foot at the 1 week mark, but I have a very low sex drive, so I'm just trying to keep his perspective in mind (and I know both of our perspectives/feelings need to be balanced). I plan to talk with him later in the week about how I am feeling, but I am just wondering how it went for anyone to wants to share - any physical pain? how did you deal with mixed emotions, if any?

kmcp · April 2012

Hmm, my post d&c discharge instructions say no sexual activity for 1 week, but I just read a post a few pages back where it looks like 2 weeks is more standard.

moosegal · April 2012

We were just past 1 week post-D&C when we had sex. My DR told me sex was allowed once bleeding stopped. I didn't experience any physical pain, but it had been pretty much since before the BFP since we had sex prior to that. So, all I could think of was how the last time I had sex, it could have been when we conceived, so that really messed things up emotionally for me. We've had sex again since then and it's been MUCH better. Definitely let your DH know you are still very emotional and to take it easy with you.

mhubbar5 · April 2012

For me, it wasn't bad. I waited until i knew i was emotionally (and physically) ready, which was about 2 weeks post op. We just took it slow and didn't jump into anything wild or crazy for the first few times. I was worried I would get emotional but I didn't and it went okay. good luck.

klbowie · April 2012

I think talking to your husband before having sex for the first time is really important if you are worried about things. My husband and I tend to connect with sex with there are bad things going on in our life. Kinda weird but nice at the same time. The first time with my husband again actually hurt. My cervix was still pretty tender. We just took it nice and slow. I told him when it was too much and he would slow it down. Communication is key. Emtionally things were fine the first time. I just concentrated on sex not anything else. The following times were a little harder because I thought about everything. Just know whatever you are feeling before, during, or after sex are normal. Everyone is different. Just take it one step at a time.

emikat · April 2012

My doctor told me to not have sex for 2 - 3 weeks. I'm not sure I can wait that long. I'm not having much bleeding and if some doctors recommend one week, I might reevaluate how I'm feeling at that point and try. We will be using condoms until I have my first AF, however. My doctor specifically told us to TTA for the first month. As some other PP replied, I would take it slow and go when you are ready. Communication with your DH on this is important.

I also connect deeply with MH when we have sex and I miss the intimacy with him already. Our last time was Wednesday before my OB appointment that discovered my missed mc. I want to feel the closeness with him and it makes me feel better to get lost in our love for each other that way, so to me it's been a missing element in my healing.

krisztina33 · May 2012

I didn't have a complicated MC--it was natural and no D&C required so I was physically cleared a week after bleeding stopped. I had NO DESIRE whatsoever to BD. So I basically gave myself a pep talk and just kinda jumped in. I knew (at least for me) that the longer I waited the harder it would be. I was scared. I still am. I'm scared to conceive again, and I'm scared that I won't be able to. Basically I am just a jumble of emotions which I think is just the way it will be for a little while.

I was very honest with DH about how I felt and I think communication has been key. We are back to TTC (very hesitantly) and are just taking things slowly.

Best of luck!

<<hugs>>

Mmm79 · May 2012

We actually waited about 7 weeks post D&C to actually have intercourse. DH isn't really into condoms and we were TTA pending some test results. What was good for us about this was that we kind of worked our way up to it with everything but actual intercourse starting about 2 weeks out from my D&C. It was nice because I got to get back in the sexual mindset without worrying about the actual penetration. We made out and fooled around like teenagers

When we finally did do it, it was great and I was ready.

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