Processing Birth Trauma

Jcrab · April 2012

My DS needed to be born via C/S at 37 weeks because he was breech, growth restricted - which made us not a candidate for a version and finally he was in distress even though I wasn't in labor. I had an urgent C/S that I was terrified of but this situation was actually better for me than waiting and counting down the days to surgery. I feel like I didn't have a birth but I got the baby. DS does have some special needs (mild cerebral palsy, developmental delays, didn't start sleeping through the night until 2 years old and he refused to take a bottle even though I have very long work days - I ended up breastfeeding him a little past his second birthday.)

MD's denied DS had any problems (which were quite obvious) until he was 7 months old and we didn't get the CP diagnosis until after I was already pregnant with this LO. DS also had dairy intolerance, symptoms like reoccurring thrush that was actually his submucosal tongue tie and I had a lot of complications and trouble trouble BF. While I don't think anyone can ever be fully prepared to welcome their first child, we were certainly traumatized with everything we had to deal with. Our family isn't very close and there is only one person that ever gives us any respite.

I am being encouraged to do some processing of my birth trauma and emotions to better allow my body to prepare for our planned HBAC. I plan to re-read Birthing from Within and draw some pictures. The thought of writing words about my actual feelings seems too painful, at least right now. I have a lot of work to do in the next 10 weeks and I really see this HBAC as a wonderful chance to reclaim my vision of myself as a Mother and start new.

Jcrab · April 2012

Ugh, stupid iPhone is making this post difficult. Anyhow, it is scary to invest so much of myself and of course the $ knowing it might not work. Any suggestions from my fellow NB bumpies? I am going to an ICAN meeting next month, working with a prenatal massage therapist that also works with the mind-body connection an taking hypnobirthing classes.

nosoup4u · April 2012

Do you know the Solace for Mothers message boards? https://www.solaceformothers.org/mothers-forum.html

It might help with connecting with other women who've been through similar things. It sounds like you're on the right track with trying multiple things to come to terms with your first son's birth and difficulties.

DS1 was an unplanned c/s (I labored with him, though), and then he was unexpectedly hospitalized after birth with a suspected infection that was never confirmed. It was a really stressful time, and it affected my feelings towards him and his birth, in all honesty. My VBAC with DS2 went a really long way in helping me deal with my first son's birth.

Hang in there, and good luck with the HBAC!

RockyMtnMama · April 2012

Wow, I hope your son is doing well. Can you take a birthing from Within class in your area? There aren't many instructors around, but it might help you process even more. My friend had a traumatic first birth and then took a Birthing from Within class and had a wonderfully successful natural second birth (midwives in hospital) and an even more fantastic third bith (homebirth with midwives).

Also if you have a doula who has been through something similar, they can be an instant friend and someone to understand. I think it would be worth $500+ to see if you can find a doula who had a similar birth situation and could provide you with amazing support.

pixieprincss · April 2012

I am so sorry that you went through that. Here are some thoughts (including mine) from a recent post, but far back enough it is easy to miss...

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/65276563.aspx

I hope some of that is helpful. <hug>

.

Jcrab · April 2012

Thanks everybody! I have been in denial that DS' birth was even traumatic (although of course I knew it was the opposite of what we had hoped for) and our adjustment to parenthood was certainly traumatic. My DS is doing really well although he still needs several therapies; we are so lucky he is doing as well as he is. I will check out the recommended website, consider some private hypnobirthing sessions and see if I can find a Birthing From Within class. I really want this HBAC so I am trying everything I can.

radak · April 2012

I had a lot of personal issues with my quasi NB. I got to 10 cm. pushed un-medicated hours and then received an epidural and ended up having to have a c-section. It took forever for me to heal from them. I had to write down a lot and up until a couple months ago, I contemplated calling my doula to get some affirmation. Eventually, I just had to find peace with it. But, I haven't been pregnant again, so I don't know if some feelings will resurface if I do. I don't really have anywhere to point to because I eventually just had to let it go. I am so sorry you had to go through everything. You seem like an incredibly strong person. Good luck with your next birth.

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