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Stims begin tonight -- already feel doomed.

AmCheriAmCheri member
in Infertility Veterans

I had my baseline this morning.  My AFC is half of what it was a year ago, so that makes it six.  I also feel old as sh!t.  I saw the ages of the people in the clinic before me and they were all born in a different decade, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.  

The nurse kindly reminded me of the possibility that I could be canceled.  And I haven't even started stims yet.  I just feel like we're screwed.  Is it too much to ask for a cycle to start out with some hope?  Just a little bit of hope?  

Sorry for the pity party. Just one of those days I guess. 

Baby girl Lila born 2013.
Baby boy Henry born 2015.
Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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Re: Stims begin tonight -- already feel doomed.

  • illinigalillinigal member
    Please don't feel doomed.  Many ladies have low AFC and do just fine.  You only need one little rockstar.  I know what it feels like to be cancelled and it's not fun, but you need to remain positive.  T&Ps heading your way for a great cycle ending in a BFP.
    TTC #1 since October 2008. Dealing with MFI.
    IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
    IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
    IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
    Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
    IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
    Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
    Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
    IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
    IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
    ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer :(
    Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
    IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
    IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
    **P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • AmCheriAmCheri member

    imageillinigal:
    Please don't feel doomed.  Many ladies have low AFC and do just fine.  You only need one little rockstar.  I know what it feels like to be cancelled and it's not fun, but you need to remain positive.  T&Ps heading your way for a great cycle ending in a BFP.

    Thanks illinigal.  I really appreciate your kind words. I was cancelled on our first cycle.  Then, I spent the second cycle waiting to get cancelled and while it didn't happen, my response was underwhelming.  Now, I almost feel like they expect it.  I'm just at the end of my rope with bad news. 

    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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  • mdluv21mdluv21
    How rude of you nurse!  I will think positive thoughts on your behalf hon.  ((hugs))
    TTC since 07/2009
    Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
    Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
    Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
    May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
    Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
    Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
    Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
    April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
    Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
    Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
    Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

    Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    "What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
    SAIF/PAIF Welcome
    Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
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  • mm29mm29 member
    imagemdluv21:
    How rude of you nurse!  I will think positive thoughts on your behalf hon.  ((hugs))
    This! I'm sorry you are having a hard time being optimistic. many women are successful with only a few eggs. I will you in my thoughts!
    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015

    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
    imageimage image 
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  • blueberries8blueberries8 member
    (((hugs))) I am thinking of you and hoping for the best. I am rooting for you and really hope you will pleasantly surprised this cycle!
    IUIs #1-3 (1x unmedicated, 2x Clomid) = 2 BFNs, 1 m/c at 7w3d
    IUIs #4-6 (injects) = 3 BFNs
    IVF #1 = BFN
    FET #1 = BFN
    FET #2 = BFN
    IVF #2 = BFP, b/g twins lost at 20w due to partial abruption/PPROM
    IVF #3 = c/p 5w2d
    Long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle before next IVF = BFP, our beautiful, healthy girl born 6/26/13!
    ~~
    TTC again March 2014
    FET #3 - May/June 2014     -     all embryos arrested before xfer - back to the drawing board...
    IVF #4 - July/August 2014 
    beta 1 (11dp3dt) 220, beta 2 (13dp3dt) 671, beta 3 (19dp3dt) 10762
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  • Aegis2005Aegis2005 member

    (((hugs)))

    I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged.  I hate how defeated IF can make all of us feel.  Fx for a great cycle for you.

    Me: 35 DH: 37 TTC since 4/2010
    DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
    IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
    1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
    FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
    FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
    7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
    EDD 2/22/2013
    PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
    imageimageimageimage
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • MrkyrainMrkyrain
    I know all of those feelings all too well.  My RE didn't even tell me my AFC.  She said it's going to be low every time so don't focus on it.  I was queen of the canceled cycles too but you just never know.  It really does just take that one magic egg.  I am so praying for you.  Hang in there.
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  • AmCheriAmCheri member
    Thanks everyone.  I'm really trying to keep it together and not drive my poor husband nuts.  I think optimism at this point is a bit of a stretch.  
    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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  • dancinaggiedancinaggie member
    I know it's so hard to be optimistic when things look poor from the beginning.  My last cycle looked less than promising starting at baseline, and went downhill with every appt after that.  I didn't have a single good result, until beta day :)  After having only 2 mature eggs, I really leaned on others to be my hope, because it was honestly hard to have much.  I'm rooting for you hun, and please know that we are here to be hopeful for you when you are feeling down.  GL!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • GregermisGregermis member
    Hang in there!!  Sending lots of follicle growing vibes.  I had lots of hidden follies that didn't show until 1/2 way through... praying the same happens for you!!
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


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  • reb259reb259 member

    I am sorry...I am wishing you the best this cycle!!  Big hugs!!

    I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
    3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
    Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome
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  • Edwina.McDunnoughEdwina.McDunnough
    I am sorry that you had that experience, but we all know that it takes one good one. Hoping for the best for you!!!
    +++
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  • BeeBee08BeeBee08 member

    Please don't let your AFC make you feel this way.  I honestly have given zero credit to that scan anyway, based on the results I have been given.  You have a fantastic chance ahead of you and I am looking forward to watching your cycle.

    Good Luck!

     
    me 33/DH 36
    ttc since 10/2008; d/x: mild MFI, stageII endo
    ~~PAIF/SAIF Welcome~~
    11 IUI’s = 1 m/c (7w4d)
    IVF#1 January 2012 BFN, FET #1 April 2012 BFN
    Surprise BFP October 2012 m/c (7w), Surprise BFP April 2013 m/c (6w4d)
    IVF #2: July 2013, ET 1 embryo 7/18, beta 1 @ 14dp3dt - 757, beta 2 @ 16dp3dt - 1762
    U/S 1 @ 6w4d = 1 little frogger with HB of 118, U/S 2 @ 7w3d measuring right on track with HB of 160
    Stick Frogger Stick! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!   It's a Girl, EDD April 7, 2014

    BabyFruit Ticker

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  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member
    I know all too well the feeling of being doomed from the get-go. All we can do is try because there is no alternative. Wishing you a golden egg as it really does come down to only needing and finding that ONE.   GL sweetie. Keep your chin up!

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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  • AmCheriAmCheri member
    Thanks everyone. You're wonderful. You make me cry, but you truly are wonderful. Thanks for supporting me when I really need it. 
    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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  • farmerlyndafarmerlynda member

    I hate that feeling of doom.  I know I didn't face a low AFC but I felt completely doomed from the start of my second cycle.  The whole way through I was just going through the motions, certain that the result would be the same as the first, that for whatever reason, my eggs were crappy, and that I'd likely have to go through IVF 3, 4, or 5 times to get a BFP (because that was what my first RE told me). 

    Anyway, I know our stories are different, but I sure hope yours has the same ending mine did.  And remember that it doesn't take being a positive Pollyanna type person to make it work either!  I was so worried that my bad attitude would affect the outcome of the cycle, because I was pretty much bitter and resentful the whole time I was on stims.  Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way, and whenever you need support, you know where to find us :)  These boards got me through IVF #2 and I hope we can do the same for you.

    Sending you great quality egg and maturing follie vibes.  I hope that your follies surprise that damn nurse and you have a nice number as things progress!

    Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.

    IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.

    Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.

    imageimageimageBabyFruit Ticker

    Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)

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  • thewormstheworms member

    imageEdwina.McDunnough:
    I am sorry that you had that experience, but we all know that it takes one good one. Hoping for the best for you!!!

    ditto!

    GL & PPV

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
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  • cookie_queencookie_queen

    ((hugs))

    I hope this cycle goes well for you!

    TTC with severe MFI since 9/08 IVF w/ ICSI #1 May/June 2010= BFP twins
    Callan George and Bennett Charles born and died 11/7/10
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    FET #1 April 2011= BFN
    FET #2 July 2011= no transfer because my lining sucked
    FET #3 February 2012= BFP! 1st beta 9dp5dt=314 2nd beta 11dp5dt=977 1st U/S 3/20 Twins- Heart rates of 111 and 138 Pregnancy Ticker
    Living After Losing
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  • lynn0926lynn0926 member
    Try to not let it get you down! You did respond last time and you are in very good hands! FX those 6 explode on you ;)
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • joules12joules12 member
    Haven't been on the boards for a few days, but you're among those on here who have been in my thoughts.  Sorry that you're feeling down about things -- sending some hugs you and continuing to send all sorts of good vibes your way.  FX!
    TTC since honeymoon in 9/2010
    Me: 39, Dx DOR (FSH = 10.5, AMH = 0.43, best AFC = 10), AMA
    MH: 37, Dx Obstructive Azoospermia, multiple successful sperm retrieval procedures

    1/2012: IVF/ICSI #1 Antagonist = cancelled d/t poor response to max stims
    2/2012: IVF/ICSI #2 MDLF (4R, 4M, 1F) = BFP, saw heartbeat, missed m/c 9w0d, D&E
    8/2012: IVF/ICSI #3 EPP/MDLF (7R, 2M, 1F) = BFN

    12/2012: (New RE) Operative hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue

    1/2013: IVF/ICSI #4 Low-dose stim/Antagonist (AFC=6); ER=1/26 (5R-couldn't access rt ovary, 5M, 4F), ET=1/29 (trans 3) = BFP!; 2/11 beta#1(13dp3dt)=2127, 2/13=3367; twin girls due 10/19/13

    PAIF/SAIF very welcome!

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt16bf7d.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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  • PurpleIris30PurpleIris30 member
    I'm also late in responding . . . but just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts.  I'll be cheering you on for a great cycle that exceeds your expectations!
    Married 8/2008. IVF with PGD March 2013.
    3/22 ER: 25R, 20M, 15F. 9 genetically normal, and 3 survived to Day 5
    3/27 ET: transferred 1 embryo, beta 9dp5dt=163, 12dp5dt=639
    4/25 1st ultrasound at 7 weeks = identical twins with heartbeats?!!!
    PPROM at 31w, delivery at 32 weeks of two beautiful girls
    image
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