Vent: Oversensitive or a crappy boss?
stephnews
member
This might be just a vent, but if any of you want to commisserate or offer advice, I'd love to hear it.
I started a new job in my company 5 months ago (the job was just created; I'm the first person to do it) and there's been a steep learning curve for me. The past couple weeks have been the worst weeks of my 13-year career; it seems I can't do anything right.
"I heard you were complaining too much while I was out yesterday. It was not well received." and "What exactly do you DO all day?" "The results here are horrible!" were just some of the memorable comments from my supervisor in the course of 1 week.
Granted, I'm more sensitive than usual right now, but being essentially called a lazy complainer who is doing crappy work while I'm learning entirely new skills, new jargon and trying to work my butt off while being sick, exhausted and starving every day just was too much for me to take. I've been bawling off and on all week since my boss told me those things. I've NEVER been told I don't work hard enough in my entire career or that I complain too much. It's usually the opposite. Even the first time I was pregnant, I got rave reviews from my supervisor (a different person) for how hard I worked and my great attitude.
Tonight, I started laughing at my toddler because he's making funny sounds and faces just to crack us both up. And I'm laughing so hard, I start to cry, then I start to bawl thinking I am missing so much of my rapidly growing little boy. He notices me bawling and starts to hug and kiss me and make funny sounds to try to cheer me up. Made me kind of sadder to think I'm spending so much time away from him just to get scolded at work.
I used to work because I wanted to, but now I'm really thinking after baby #2 is born I need to consider another work option because I can't go on like this with two kids. Even though we need the money.
OK, sorry this is so long. Just needed to vent. My PG hormones are going crazy right now and I can't tell if I'm being oversensitive or if I am justly upset. Thanks for reading.
Re: Vent: Oversensitive or a crappy boss?
Ugh. I'm so sorry you're in this position. It's terrible when a bad job starts to affect you at home like that.
I agree it would be a good idea to talk to your boss. It will be a tough conversation but some of the stuff he's said is unacceptable. If you have an HR department it may be time to get them involved. First talk about clarifying your goals and responsibilities. Then address how inappropriate some of his comments have been. Hang in there! This can get better, and if it doesn't it may be time to move on but at least you tried.
This is just me, but I would sit down and have a talk with my boss. Schedule a meeting with her (I'm assuming it's a her because those are really b!tchy comments) and plan out what you're going to say in advance. I have a really hard time believing YOU are the problem with rave reviews from every past supervisor. You have to address this and stand up for yourself or it's just going to get worse. She sounds like a bully who is doing this as a power trip. Perhaps having a calm, rational discussion over her exact expectations and the way she is treating you will show her that you aren't going to be pushed around. It will also give you some ammo if things sour even further because you've been proactive in trying to fix the situation.
If that doesn't work or if you're not comfortable doing that, approach HR and see if you can go back to your previous position or a new one. And if THAT doesn't work, start looking for a new job. If you can make ends meet without working then you can stay at home, but it's kind of hard for women to break back into the workforce after extended periods out and you also give up all that time you could be developing your career. Just a warning. At the end of the day, it's about what's best for you and your family. And your current situation certainly isn't it. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's hard enough just to drag yourself to work each day when you feel awful, let alone be berated while you're there.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
Great advice from pp's, I think you should collect your thoughts write up some realistic goals for yourself & then have a meeting. The way the boss worded things was not acceptable, however if you were really complaining to others that much when boss was out that ppl reported it back, that is something you need to own up to also, so I think I start with saying that you realize that you were in the wrong complaining to others and you were having a rough week, however, you are not sure you're on the same page about your responsibilities and want to sit down and talk about having concrete goals and expectations. You may also want to actually write out what you 'do' all day and even estimate how much time a week you spend on each task. I have found in many different jobs that people are always wondering what so-and-so 'does all day' and when you see the responsibilities laid out, you realize that you/they do a lot more than others realize but it needs to be clarified.
Good luck! Give it a little more time and maybe a heart to heart with boss will help.
I feel for you. I have a crappy supervisor too. I really want to think about some serious changes after #2. It feel like working with having children is not as green as one may think.
Good luck Mama!
This is great advice. The criticism your boss is giving you isn't constructive. I would schedule a meeting with her to clarify her expectations and so that the feedback that she gives is helpful. Is this a new supervisor? Is there any way to go back to your old supervisor?
I'd also keep a log of all the comments that she makes towards you that are abusive. There is absolutely no reason that you need to put up with how she is treating you. I think the way she is speaking with you is an HR issue.
I've had jobs like this and it really helps to write a Friday 'recap' of your work for the week and upcoming next week goals. It's a total PITA to actually write it - but it only takes a few sentances and makes a HUGE difference on the "what do you do" and keep higher-ups in the loop.
Do it. Every week. Add needs, what you're waiting on (from others) and things that refelct well on you.