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back to work after m/c: did you explain your absence to your coworkers?

gbby3mgbby3m member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

As a result of my early pregnancy m/c, I ended up taking more than a week off from work.  I work in a very small firm less than 20 people, and I only told 2 people about my m/c, one of which is the principal of the firm.

After my D&C, I was physically and mentally exhausted from the events leading up to it, and I just didn't want to have to explain or deal with feeling conscious about being treated somehow differently at work, especially because there is someone pregnant in the office right now.  So I told the principal that if necessary (such as at weekly staff meeting when we discuss schedule), I wanted my absence to be explained as a health/medical issue, and nothing too specific.

Now that I'm back at work, I feel like I have alienated myself from all my colleagues, who I know take pride in creating a family-like environment.  And maybe I am just being overly sensitive and completely self conscious, but I feel guilty for not being able to open up to them, and I feel like I have done something really rude for not showing faith or trust in them.  

Is it okay that I didn't explain my situation?  Did you explain your situation to the people that you work with?

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Re: back to work after m/c: did you explain your absence to your coworkers?

  • DebateThisDebateThis member

    Most of my coworkers already knew I was pregnant, so I called a close friend (who happens to be my boss, to some degree) and had her pass the news to my team mates. I don't particularly mind that they know- but I didn't want to be the one to have to tell 40 people over and over bc we're a big family, too, and I know they're concerned.

    Ugh. 

    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
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  • TisharpTisharp member
    I work in a small, close-knit library and have for 15 years now. 3/4 of the staff have been there even longer than me. We are all very close. Only my direct supervisor, the head administrative secretary, and the payroll coordinator even knew I was pg. Everyone else was just told I was "ill" for the week I was off. There might come a time when I feel like letting people know what happened, but not yet. And I am ok with that. When I came back on Tuesday, everyone just asked if I was feeling better. It was no big deal.

    Missing our little turkey.
    Estimated Due Date 11/13/12 | Natural Miscarriage 4/17/12

    Daisypath Anniversary tickersPitaPata Cat tickers
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  • emikatemikat member
    I sent a message to the people who knew. They would immediately question my absence. I felt comfortable letting them know. 
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    TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!

    FET 4/28/2015 - Transferred 1 M embie. 5/6/15 BFP!

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  • holly321holly321 member

    Everyone knew I was pregnant, I was already showing.

    My supervisor sent a misinformitve message to everyone, that really upset.

     I honestly would probably tell what happened, that way people knew why I wasn't my self.

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  • kacellekacelle member
    I only took one day off and was at work most of the time I was miscarrying.  I work at a pregnancy resource center, and a few of the staff members knew I was pregnant (although we hadn't announced to family or friends).  I told them what had happened and told anyone else I hadn't felt well that one day.  No one pried.
    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
    BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
    BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
    BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
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  • geminiwaysgeminiways member
    i didn't tell anybody....but kind of wish i had. i still probably would have only told 2-3 people who i am close with, but i think that would help my attitude. i suppose it's never too late! :)
    BFP#1 10/15/2011! EDD 6/25/2012. natural m/c 10/28/2011. 5wks, 3d. BFP#2 2/27/2012! EDD 11/12/2012. d&c 4/10/12. 9 weeks. Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • kmcpkmcp member
    I work at a large company but on a small team of 6.  I had 3 weeks of complications (weeks 6, 7, 8), so I explained my situation to my manager at week 6 and to his manager at week 7.  At a team meeting during week 7, I told the remainder of the team that I was dealing with a health issue that while not terminal or critical was resulting in unexpected absences that may continue for a little.  The last u/s showed no h/b on Thursday & my d&c was on Friday (end of week 8).  My manager said he told the team I will be out, no additional details, unless I wanted him to tell the team.  I told him I do not.  I want to return to work next week and just start working, without dealing with coworkers coming to express sympathies.  I know their intentions would be good, but I just don't want to discuss it.
    AMA.
    BFP #1: 4/7/12. EDD: 12/2/12.
    Growth on target with h/b at 6w3d. No h/b at 8w4d. D&C 4/27/12.
    BFP #2: 2/28/13. M/C 5w1d.
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  • gbby3mgbby3m member
    Thanks all for your responses.  I realized that it was a bit of an over reaction and hyper self consciousness.  I'll talk about it when I feel like it.  End of story.  I hate that I still have pregnancy hormones left in my system.  I've also been super moody too, and requiring a daily dose of ice cream!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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