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FutureMrsTowns · April 2012

Hi,My name is Stephannie, I'm new to the bump, and new to this board. I have been trying to conceive for almost a year now, although that was interrupted by a 6 month deployment that will be over soon. My trouble, however, is that I have not had regular periods. fertility doc said I wasn't ovulating and I will be put on clomid.. I am getting an HSG done first though and I am nervous. I don't want them to find anything bad, it would be devastating to me if there was a serious problem that kept me from getting pregnant.

I also kind of wonder if anyone else's DH is not interested in hearing about the fertility appointments and such. Mine has recently asked me to not talk to him about them. He says that he is nervous about having a baby, and although he knows that he will get over it once the baby is born, or even maybe when it is really coming(he will, he did the same for our wedding, he just gets nervous with preparations), he has asked me to not talk to him about the fertility appointments, but to me that makes me feel alone in this... how do I handle this?

imwithrebel · April 2012

Welcome to the board!

Honestly, infertility is scary and hard enough when a couple is facing it together - I can't imagine dealing with it by myself and not talking to my husband about it. I would suggest that you find a balance where he will listen to and support you through it, but you're not giving him minute by minute updates of it either. I don't know if you've been public with your struggle, but another option might be that you have a trusted friend that you talk to about it, vent to, etc, so that you're getting some support and your husband is getting his space to deal with it too.

amh612 · April 2012

Hi Stephanie! I'm new here too. I can totally relate to what you are saying. Everything about IF is scary and you really want someone there to just hold your hand and be there encouraging you through the whole process. And while I am not a military wife so I can't say I know about deployments, my husband travels extensively for work and is gone at least 3 or 4 nights of every work week. We've been "not preventing" since April 2009, and in January 2011 I started charting, opks, etc. At the very beginning of this, DH was very skeptical of the concept of going to a fertility doctor. He really felt like we should just keep trying naturally. He has been very supportive in wanting to have a child, but never wanted to hear about things like EWCM or ovulation or temperature, etc. It took a major life event (cancer scare) for him to come around to the RE thing. It took me over a month to get him to make the appointment for the SA, but the RE would not proceed without one (for good reason) and it was very hard. He felt like I was nagging him, I felt like he didn't understand how treatment for IF works and didn't care to. He finally went, and we are set to start our first round of Clomid + trigger + IUI as soon as AF decides to show up. We had a few long conversations about how he was feeling, and what I've always know about me and DH is that we communicate differently. I need to talk everything out ad nauseum sometimes, and DH likes to silently ponder in his own head till he's worked it out. We have always been able to deal with this and meet each other halfway until IF showed up. What I learned is DH likes a quick summary of what is going on. I say "babe, I have a couple of things that I need to talk to you about regarding our upcoming cycle and then we can drop the subject and talk about other things" and that really seems to help, because he knows he only has to talk about it for a little bit. He is just concerned that I am obsessing too much and need to think of other things too for some balace. Since I started doing his, when we have our IF converstions, DH has started asking more questions and being more of an active participant. He really wants to be a dad one day, but IF can be so overwhelming he really had no idea of what treatment was all about. Does you H go to the appointments with you? Has he had a SA? Did you get a reason for being Ao? Sorry for such a long response. Good luck!

tmsetzer83 · April 2012

I'm a little concerned that your DH doesn't seem to be on board.. Pursuing IF treatments is a big deal, it takes a lot of time, and is very emotionally exhausting. It would raise a red flag to me if my DH wasn't even sure about having a baby, let alone all the things you may need to do to get there. There should be some kind of balance where he can support you through this, it shouln't be all IF talk all the time, but not talking about IF appointments at all doesn't seem very supportive.

I'm not trying to be all negative, but if I was in your situation, I would seriously consider whether we were both on the same page and ready to move forward. Good luck!

Temp423319000008365 · April 2012

Hi and welcome!

IF is a scary world and it full of emotional ups and downs I think that a lot of men aren't quite sure how to deal with it all. So for them, it's probably easier to just not talk/think about it than to be fully emotionally invested. BUT, that doesn't make it ok. I think you need to sit down with your dh and have a big talk about how you need him to be on board with you, invested in this process with you. Going through this alone would be so difficult, he is really the only other person on this earth who can truly share in what you are going through. Having to go through IF treatments without talking about it would be very isolating for you and for him (even if he doesn't realize it yet). I'm sure you can come up with a compromise where you are free to talk to him about things, but it doesn't take up every minute of your life together. Good luck!

kellyrn9956 · April 2012

I don't talk about the details to my husband, but he is aware of every test and procedure that I go through. I give him the results, and that's about it. Unfortunately, there will come a time when he will HAVE to be more active in the process. First of all, he should already have had an SA done. Clomid is pointless if you are dealing with severe MFI. My H provides the needed samples without any complaints.

And I hate to burst your bubble, but since your year has really only been 6 months, you might have an issue with getting a medical diagnosis of infertility and having insurance cover treatments. What do you mean by "irregular periods"? Are you not having periods for long stretches of time? What testing was done to determine that you are not ovulating?

FutureMrsTowns · May 2012

insurance has covered everything.... not that I asked that.

I HAVE gotten all the proper testing, why the hell would my doctors put me on clomid otherwise? please don't question my struggle simply because it was interrupted by a deployment. I came here for support, not condescension.

FutureMrsTowns · May 2012

After letting him know that his response made me feel alone, he's been much more supportive, and after describing to him that my HSG was painful, he seems much more concerned with being in the loop on what I do. I think he just gets overwhelmed by details, he's always been that way.

He did mention a new concern though. It seems he is concerned that sex is going to become only about the baby, which is not what I intend, I just wish I could make him see everything I see, and feel about this the way I do.

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