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Blended Families
J&A2008
member
j+k
J&A2008
member
I had you blocked, and it was working, until the bump revamped something or other, and I've let it go, since you were posting about helping your stepchildren, within set limits, and I think I had even replied to something last fall when you were talking about taking guardianship of your grandson.
You are once again blocked, and I will leave it that way. If the bump resets, I will quickly act to block you again.
I do hope you find your way through this mess, and I do wish the best for your DD and all of your DH's children.
Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: j+k
I am pretty sure she blocked you so she probably will not see this.
I do think you made a good point in your post about projecting onto her DH bc you see him as wanting to help his kids and you think he is like your DH. Just remember that his situation is not the same, her step kids are very troubled with serious issues and her SS was in his 20s when she started posting here not a troubled teen and he has felony drug trafficking charges that he still needs to go to court for, and that he said it is all someone else's fault but he also said if he rolled on those people he would be dead. This is more than most people would be willing to deal with
I hope you are never asked to take in a criminal wih current felon charges or an unstable adult that has threatened you physically or threatened your youngest child. I am not being scarcasti., I hope you don't have to choose family. To me it is about protecting the youngest, period, it just sucks for her DH that she has to protect DD from his other kids.
Thanks, Jen.
My comment about his past marriages came off as totally snarky, I'm sure, but it was a completely different image for me of who he is. If you're speaking out in support of a guy with four failed marriages, it's tough to argue he's completely innocent. Not that any of us are, but it's a big clue that there's more wrong than she's going to be able to take on.
I know. They say that genetics can play a role in drug addictions, so I'm cautious about the future for my SSs. I don't believe they'll have any problems, since I believe it's mostly environmental, but it's tough to say right now. I do wonder how BM would be different if she had any parental support. Her parents are separated and have been for awhile, and they are both into everything she is and didn't care much when she's been in trouble.
I don't really know what to say. I think it's all really hard and sad. As I'm not in the position, I have a really hard time knowing how I would feel or what I would do.
But J&A, MH said pretty much the exact same thing you did. He doesn't know all the details, as he only reads over my shoulder a bit and I try to fill in some of the gaps. But he says he cannot at all imagine ever allowing either of our children to be homeless. I think there's probably a line somewhere we wouldn't cross (some point where we'd say, no, we cannot support you in this) but I don't have any idea where it is.
Also, for whatever it's worth, my two sisters are very similar to j+k's stepkids. And we were all raised in the same house by the same parents at pretty much the same time. I was born in 80 and my sisters were born in 83 and 86. We went to the same schools, had the same babysitters, same finances, etc. My mom was a smoker, but that's the extent of any addiction issues in our family. And there is no family history of mental illness. I don't know why things are as they are.
Always. Was it you or J&A that said that us with "problem" teen stepkids needed to just love them more? I think that was J&A.
Fells, it is really hard to imagine ever kicking your child out especially if they have no where else to go but do you allow your ADULT child to live with you if they are a threat to your youngest, even if thinking in terms of both being biological. It was really hard for my DH to tell SD she could not live here anymore but she was stealing and doing drugs, J's SS is a felon, I do not know how anyone thinks she should support her DH supporting him financially and give him a home when they have a 2yo, to me the 2yo needs to come before the 29yo SS. And SD is 21 or 22 and made threats against J and against 2yo DD and against their business.
Don't even get me started! lol
Love your stepchildren! You signed on to be a stepmother!
It is my BF soapbox or Mein Kampf depending on who you're talking to...
I never said don't love them, but J loving her SKs more would not have resolved all their issues, back then you seemed to think that was the answer to all the problems, a 20 something criminal needs more.
What normal people see as teaching their children (step or bio) basic rules of adulthood, J&A sees as abuse.
Illumine has it right. In fact, J&A drove me nuts more than Karma. Karma at least has sense.
Yeah, I totally remember now, lol. I only has 1/10 the issues with her that you guys did and I have actually agreed with her a lot over the past few year but not on this issue. It is truly something no one can understand until they are in the situation. And it is not some exclusive club I wish that others would get to join!
And to the poster that seemed to question it, while she might not remember all J's details but J&A has been here for as long as she says. Damn it is embarrassing to say the the bulk of my BF issues over 4 years ago and she was here then. But lets be honest, even snarky people do not read every single post and cannot remember every single detail.
I didn't know j+k had problems with Karma. And I'm sure Illumine would be in the group who would pin me as the next Hitler because I think SMs are responsible for doing more than grudgingly providing shelter for a child - and dammit, those bottle nipples better be sterile! God, I kind of miss reading her craziness. No one else can bring it like she can.
Did she seriously go there? Becuase her memories sure seem to be focused on the martyr.
That post was all about SS throwing a temper tantrum (to include items) because he he did not want to fulfill his ONE EFFING CHORE (that he gets paid for) which is wash the dishes...to include the baby bottles. Because HE did not ask to have a baby, therefore anything baby related is MY chore...you know the woman who didnt work.
Of course that goes back to the Marytr Complex J&A has. Her kids would NEVER have to wash dishes in the first place, let alone wash their younger siblings stuff. SHE does it all for them.
But color me a Disney villian for trying to teach my SS some basic responsibilities. Call CPS for expecting any CHILD living under my roof to help maintain a smoothly running house. I am CRAZY for expecting my SS to ASK for something more than 24 hours (you know, to see if we have anything else scheduled and/or have time to work it out).
I am ALL sorts of crazy for not just hugging away my SS's agressive and physical outbursts - you know the ones that cause damage, that has the military version of CPS show up when he lies about the rug burn on his elbow, when he has two different sets of parents contact the school because his stalking is scaring their daughters,...I just need to LOVE him more when he kicks the dogs, screams at the baby and puts his hands on me and forces me into my bedroom to stop me from leaving (all over my asking him to wait till I was finished loading the dishwasher - which is his job btw).
yeah, if I thought that my job was JUST to provide a roof, I would never have put up with SS's behaviors. You know, the behaviors that we have spent almost 5 years working on with PROFESSIONALS. Professionals who all see is behaviors, his beliefs and perceptions as having some "flaws".
If all I cared about was feeding him, I would have either sent him back to his mother's the FIRST, SECOND or THIRD time DH offered or LEFT that first time he attacked me.
But hey....I am the CRAZY one.
***.
Illumine, I just want to say I think you are my hero today for having said that. I struggle all. the. freaking. time. with BF & SM about getting the kids to actually be responsible for the consequences of their choices (not talking about choices that would be unsafe here - mainly things like having to pay for what they break, taking their laundry to the laundry room to get it laundered, doing their own homework well in 6th & 7th grades without constant nagging, etc).
Doing everything for your kids (or steps) does not help them - it will eventually bite the kids in the rear when they can't fend for themselves. In the real world, your boss is not going to stand over you all day telling you to please do this part of your job next, they are not going to put up with your screaming fits because "it's not fair - Janie doesn't have to do it...", fairies are not going to appear & do your laundry, cleaning & dishes or cook your meals, & no one is going to volunteer to buy you a new tv/car/radio/cell phone/whatever because you had a temper tantrum and destroyed your last one.
So, I guess if you're crazy and/or abusive I must be too. Of course my 11 yr old would agree with that thought everytime he's told he has to do anything.
And this is my problem with J&A, she doesn't remember me. Seriously? Anyone who's been on here can't remember me and my flippin ridiculously high drama story???
And even if you didn't...couldn't you at least determine, "Okay, there has to be more to this story than I'm reading here....so I'll just keep my yap shut." But no. She can not.
She sees something, immediately jumps to conclusions, and makes a huge effort to tell me how awful I am for wanting the f out of such a whacked crazy life that I've spent 5 years trying to get control of.
I think anyone in their right mind, whether they know me or not, knows that I've made and effort and given my DH and my SK's more than enough opportunities.
lol. according to my DH the jury's still out on my sanity (kidding).
No. Why would you be less worthy? And less worthy of what?
Besides.... Christ was a Jew...
I'm confused.
Jewsish people hate when Christians allow themselves, in a post addressed solely to them, asking for their thoughts and how they would handle a difficult situation, to reference their own faith? Or is it just you, Karma?