Need thoughts ideas or even a prayer.

Mackfarm · April 2012

A litle history: I had my DS when I was 19, he is now 6. I had him out of a one night stand. Stayed with his dad for as long as I could. I wasn't happy and I was young. He is a good dad but question some parenting that gites on in his home. So I have spent THOUSANDS OF dollars fighting to have more time with my sun. I got more time, but also have the typical every other weekend scenario. Why did this happen, well....i wish I could give an answer. I probably made a bad decision leaving DS with his dad in the bring......I got married had a DD divorced and was on to another relationship had another DD then that didn't workout ...... So yes bad decisions on my part. Ok so here's the issue. My son use to transition easy to my home from one car to the other......but the past two weekends its been a battle!!!! He fights to get out of the car my DH helps get him in. butdear lord I don't know what happend. My DS has a ton of toys and things to do here. We have a farm. My DD's love it here.....they love my DH. It's the prefect life I have dreamed about. How or what can I do or tell my ds.dad to do to make this easier????? Thank you!!

Mackfarm · April 2012

Should I take away privileges like playing? I made him sit on the couch all night. Made him get into pajamas and then back on the couch. Am I being to harsh. I neef to mention he does have ADHD his dad only medicates while he is in school.

karleegirl · April 2012

IMO you shouldn't punish him. I think that's going to make it worse. Kids go through phases and transitions can be hard. I think once he calms down you should talk about it with him. Can you talk to bd and see if something new is going on? What kind of ADHD meds is he on? Some are not suppossed to be stopped/started like that.

+j+k+ · April 2012

karleegirl:
IMO you shouldn't punish him. I think that's going to make it worse. Kids go through phases and transitions can be hard. I think once he calms down you should talk about it with him. Can you talk to bd and see if something new is going on? What kind of ADHD meds is he on? Some are not suppossed to be stopped/started like that.

I agree with this. He needs to be on meds consistently.

I feel so sorry for your son. Your punishment seems harsh. There is no magic answer to solve his problem. I would consult a doctor and get advice from a professional - possibly a family counselor on how you proceed and help your son.

Mackfarm · April 2012

He was back talking up a storm last night. Also how he hated it here how he hates everyone in this household. The last weekend he was here I didn't punish him and of course he saw how nice it was here and how he likes all his toys, sisters me and dh. He even said sorry last weekend. But we are back to round one again. It doesn't seem right that I should be ok with this begavior. I don't know what meds he is on. Ill ask his dad and post later. That didn't sound right to me either. His dad is looking into a consular monday where I will be there too.

Mackfarm · April 2012

Ds is given lots of one on one time here. Lots of privileges. He gets to go out with me and shoot the bb gun . Plays with walkie talkies with just dh. He also has so many toys half are still sealed in packages.... Dh isn't new hes been around for a year n a half. I didn't move in until we were married and or house was closed on. I wasn't there for the evaluation, his bd has done this so he has "back up" in court. Not much I can do but call the doctor and next time it happens file contempt. So your saying I should let my DS run over me and not let there be rules and ok his back taking???? I didn't punish him last weekend and of course he was happy saying sorry the next day.... He isn't going to learn anything if I treat him and no consequences for his actions.

Mackfarm · April 2012

My life is prefect. Bills paid food on table. I SAH. Just my DS is unhappy. This weekend he says his after school provider is going to a funeral and he wants to go. That seems INAPPROPRIATE......I VOLUNTEER AT HIS school I talk to his teacher once a week. How much more can an every other weekend parent be involved. I don't understand how ANYONE could ok this behavior....back talking being straight rude then just letting it brush off my shoulder.

Mackfarm · April 2012

We bought our house 7 months ago .

Mackfarm · April 2012

I also think his dad is feeding him lies on why he shouldnt be here . Because every time we ask him what is going on at dads house he shuts down..... Again this behavior just started he has been medicated only at school for the past two months... He was fine a month ago......now something is wong.

Mackfarm · April 2012

I don't think you get it. I'm not punishing him for not getting into the vehicle that sounds.refocus. I'm punishing for his current behavior: back talking. So your saying that he is acting like this all of a sudden because what I've put him through??? He's been fine all along...This behavior just started ... That doesn't make sense at all??? His dad doesn't inform me of doc visits. He's super institute and has to feel some sort of control. I have asked him but just slams on the gas and rolls up the window. Do you even think for a second he answers ?his phone?? Ha no!!!

Holly_1007 · April 2012

Mackfarm:
I don't think you get it. I'm not punishing him for not getting into the vehicle that sounds.refocus. I'm punishing for his current behavior: back talking. So your saying that he is acting like this all of a sudden because what I've put him through??? He's been fine all along...This behavior just started ... That doesn't make sense at all??? His dad doesn't inform me of doc visits. He's super institute and has to feel some sort of control. I have asked him but just slams on the gas and rolls up the window. Do you even think for a second he answers ?his phone?? Ha no!!!

honestly. the kid has been through alot. weather you see it or not. something you did or said could have set him off, or something his BD did or said could have as well. he is probably struggling with the fact that he lives with BD and his half sisters live with you. or maybe BD got a new GF? or BD is going to have another baby? at 6 yrs old he is finally realizing something is up.

therapy for DS for sure. he needs to work out the issues. When he is calm and collected you need to sit down with him and set ground rules (assuming you have these for your other children, this should be straighforward) tell him the rules and the punishments. if its a long list of rules break it into a few sessions so you don't bombard him.

if the rules are very drastic and different from what he is used to then maybe you should implement a "1 strike" system or something.

sit down and ask him why he doesn't want to get in your car on the weekends. do you run up to him and hug him and greet him like you are excited to see him? or do you sit in the car chatting or texting while BD buckles him in?

the ladies here are just trying to give you advice.

yes you should absolutely be involved in medical decisions in your childs life and you should absolutely know what medicine he is on. some of the ADHD meds are ok to use once in a while or only when in school etc, just depends which one the child is on.

kali55 · April 2012

Mackfarm:
I don't think you get it. I'm not punishing him for not getting into the vehicle that sounds.refocus. I'm punishing for his current behavior: back talking. So your saying that he is acting like this all of a sudden because what I've put him through??? He's been fine all along...This behavior just started ... That doesn't make sense at all??? His dad doesn't inform me of doc visits. He's super institute and has to feel some sort of control. I have asked him but just slams on the gas and rolls up the window. Do you even think for a second he answers ?his phone?? Ha no!!!

I think that he needs to be punished for bad behavior, but ultimately you want to get to the root of the problem. My best guess given the information you have provided is that your son is seeking attention from you. You say you have lots of one on one time doing all sorts of fun things, but perhaps all your son needs is an hour with you doing something mundane, like folding laundry, doing homework, reading a story.

Mackfarm · April 2012

Here's what I've done. I have sat with him yesterday and today a and he keeps changing his story to he doesn't like it here because we don't have tv. I explained because we like one on one time and being together as a family. Then he says because he doesn't have this toy or that. Pretty much this is my plan. Dad is going to put him on meds 7 days a week... I know the name not the spelling. Ill post after I can get it correct. He is going to his dads today. He can make his own dec. On if he wants to come over or not. I clearly explained this. Dad is going to get counseling. Ill br there. Then after meds and counseling he will come around. I don't want to force my ds to do something he.doesn't want to do.

Mackfarm · April 2012

It seems that everything has been fine. Now with new meds his world had been upside down. concerta is the name.

Ginlyn0 · April 2012

Your posts make absolutely no sense...you want more time but now you are letting him decide. Someone needs to learn how to be a parent.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

If you have a 6yo that you see EOW who is extremely unhappy, how is your life perfect? Your current situation might be ideal but if you think this situation is perfect then that is a SERIOUS issue. People are being VERY nice to you on here right now and trying to give very good advice, be open to listening to it.

DS' life has been in constant turmoil for 6 years, his mother left him with his father and went on to have two more kids with two more men, this is a lot for him. All the toys in the world and all the BB shooting in the world will not change the fact that his mother has this new perfect life that he is barely a part of, every time he sees you he gets to see that he is not fully a part of your life, this may or may not be the big issue but it certainly is an issue.

+j+k+ · April 2012

Mackfarm:
Here's what I've done. I have sat with him yesterday and today a and he keeps changing his story to he doesn't like it here because we don't have tv. I explained because we like one on one time and being together as a family. Then he says because he doesn't have this toy or that. Pretty much this is my plan. Dad is going to put him on meds 7 days a week... I know the name not the spelling. Ill post after I can get it correct. He is going to his dads today. He can make his own dec. On if he wants to come over or not. I clearly explained this. Dad is going to get counseling. Ill br there. Then after meds and counseling he will come around. I don't want to force my ds to do something he.doesn't want to do.

No wonder you son is troubled. He has a mom who is all over the board, living her perfect life WITHOUT HIM most of the time and she just expects him to be as happy as you!

DO YOU NOT SEE that he is resentful?

You can not let a 6 year old decide. You need to step up and be involved in his life and demand that his father share information that is important to your son's well being. You can not just expect your son to just fall in line and be happy just because you are.

ANd for god sakes...quit having children.

Mackfarm · April 2012

you're saying I should stop having kids? Why obviously God has blessed me. People would die to have kids like I have. Yes not the prefect situations, but finally got one. His dad and I think this is the best for him. Do you have a kid with adhd not medicated on weekends? No probably not .... I didn't make this decision alone I talked to family bd dh and all agree this is best for him. I appreciate the comments. Yes counseling is needed I get that. What would you do if your jid just looked at you and said he hated being here and wants to go to his dada?????

Littlejen22 · April 2012

Mackfarm:
you're saying I should stop having kids? Why obviously God has blessed me. People would die to have kids like I have. Yes not the prefect situations, but finally got one. His dad and I think this is the best for him. Do you have a kid with adhd not medicated on weekends? No probably not .... I didn't make this decision alone I talked to family bd dh and all agree this is best for him. I appreciate the comments. Yes counseling is needed I get that. What would you do if your jid just looked at you and said he hated being here and wants to go to his dada?????

I would fight and advocate for him, not just move on. Being on medication will not instantly make him love you and want to be with you, only time with you will do that. And no, you do not have 4 kids with 4 Dads because you are blessed, you have them because you are immature and do not know to use birth control. A good Mom does not leave her child and surely does not use the fact that her 6yo son is unmedicated cause her to walk away from him AGAIN. Do you realize he is only 6 and you are abandoning him twice. And you are letting a 6yo decide what your relationship should be. Go ahead, have more kids and move on in your perfect life and forget your first child, if you are willIng to give up when a 6yo is having a tantrum then I agree with you, he is better off with his father since he needs someone to be his ad vote and not give up on him.

Mackfarm · April 2012

I am not giving up on him at all. This situation/ or someone is telling him something is way too much for him. All I want is my son happy. Time-away will hopefully see how much he misses me, sisters and dh. Counseling , together with his dad, me.....then dh will show I'm trying. I'm not giving up. I will still be volunteering, going to school functions. I am (bd and I agreed) that I will write him a letter once a week, then phone calls once we've had some counseling sessions. At 19 yes immature I was on bc, bad condom??? I don't know, but don't believe in abortion I've been married twice, so you can judge all you want. I know who my REAL judge is. Thanks again for opinion

Holly_1007 · April 2012

mackfarm you need therapy. and a parenting class.

perhaps your 6yo is reacting to you having YET ANOTHER child with YET a different man. YOU are the parent

stop tossing your firstborn aside. maybe you should have made him a priority before getting pregnant with # 2,3,4 etc. and perfecting YOUR life

congratulations on being fertile. doesn't mean you need to have 4 kids before you're 25.

DarthNBJenni · April 2012

Mackfarm · April 2012

Thanks for everyones thoughts. GBCB's.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

Mackfarm:
Thanks for everyones thoughts. GBCB's.

Mia this supposed to be Goodbye cruel Bump? If so she has to be postin under a fake name or she would not know that acronym. Either way I am done bc she is F'd up and just wants a pat on the back.

Sigir · April 2012

Wow. Now I see what all the stepmoms on here with crazy BMs must be going though!!!! If I had someone like the OP in my child's life I don't know how I would be able to deal.

Is this the first certifiable 100% batsh*t crazy BM we have gotten on the board?

I hope the boy's father is a more steadying influence in his life, and maybe gets sole custody down the road- that will probably be the best for this poor little boy since the mom is not interested in being a part of his life.

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