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Infertility
what would you do? friend vent kinda long
so I have this friend lets call her A, who is pregnant and she called and told me the day I found out I had a positive Beta, I had a loss at 6 weeks but she is prob at 4 months now, I just cant listen to her complain about her pregnancy symptoms and she has been calling and emailing me and I havent responded, so then she texts a mutual friend lets call her B, so the next is asking what is going on with me and that she hasnt heard back and she hasnt done anything wrong, and so I told B I cannot listen to A complain anymore, its annoying and I am done with it...so B calls A and says that maybe I am busy and maybe you shouldn't complain about the pregnancy to me and A is a bi*** in general, so she is like she doesnt feel like she has to tip toe about her pregnancy around me.
So if A cant have any compassion or respect for me and my situation, why would I even want to talk A? thats why I keep ignoring her, what would you do if you were me?
Oh and per A she knows what its like to go thru a loss, not bec she has ever had one just bec he knows...thats what she said, I said you have no idea, she said, i know, i said you have NO idea, and she confirmed she knew...if she knew then why doesnt she get the hint? she has NO idea!
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Re: what would you do? friend vent kinda long
People suck.
Your friend should be giving you the space that you need around your loss.
However, going through your other friend to pass the message onto the first friend? And for her to go to B in the first place?
Sometimes, even though confrontation is hard and not what you want to do, it is just more effective to say "A, I'm sorry you are having problems with pregnancy symptoms, I know that you are really focused on you right now; but I need you to hear me when I say that I can't listen to your issues right now because I'm still struggling with my own loss. If you want to be my friend, you will stop complaining/calling/etc...."
It's sucktacular to have to take the high road all the time---but in the long run, it'll make you feel better about how you respond!
Just my 2 cents.
Put on your big girl panties and be a better person. Stop worrying about A; obviously she doesn't care about you. But you can't behave as though you're a martyr, either. Yes, infertility sucks; and you can't expect them to understand it. But it doesn't give you free license to be rude, either.
TTC #1 Since 8/2010
Me: 34, DH: 35 DX: DOR (FSH 14.9, AMH 0.67, AFC ~10) and Egg Quality
IVF #1 Feb 2012. MDFL protocol w/ Met. 7 ER, 0F.
May Donor Egg IVF cycle:3 EF, 1 blast ET 5/12, 2 frosties
BFP 5/21! beta #1 5/22 306 beta #2 5/24 818 beta #3 5/31 15,038.
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." --Dennis Wholey
I am not really sure how i was being rude?
You werent...
I agree with a PP that you need to tell her what youre feeling and even though there is a strong possibility that she wont understand (judging by her comment to your other friend) she needs to know! Good luck!