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July 2011 Moms
Mason&Mama
member
A quick response
Mason&Mama
member
I expected some opinions, but I didn't not expects pages of people discussing my situation while I spent the day with my baby. Wow. I only have a few minutes to respond before I get ready for work, but I will try to address a few things.
First of all, thank you very much for all of the Congrats. We are very excited to expand our family. Mason will make a great big brother.
This is an Internet forum. I by no means expect sunshine and puppies. I appreciate real opinions, and like to debate things. I won't lie - I judge you guys all the time! I don't regret sharing too much. While I completely admit to not being this open in real life due to some level of being ashamed, embarrassed, I have absolutely nothing to hide from a group of strangers.
Mainemommy, I am very happy that you know my exact situation. I am relieved to know that someone has been through the exact same situation , and that my life with be the same as yours. What was that? Three kids with three baby daddys? Courts involved? Maybe a trailer? I'm sorry. I don't remember the details. Maybe you could share more details since our lives are the exact same.
I am a well-educated person. I have a great job where I make a lot of money. I take good care of my baby. I asked J (EX) to leave in January so he could take the time to concentrate on full recovery. As mentioned before, he has undergone inpatient and outpatient rehab, he goes to counseling, he participates in NA meetings daily. He has a job. He sees his son every day, and he participates fully in his care. In general, I still pay my father to watch Mason while I work. However, J will take him on walks to the park or entertain/feed/bathe him while I am home. It is a great help, and they have a great relationship. I never stopped loving him. We very rarely fought in our seven years together. He is not a scum-bag. He is not a deadbeat. He has a problem that he is working on, but that does not make him a bad person.
I feel like I am rambling, and I am really just repeating myself. I am sorry.
Let's put it this way. I understand why people would judge. I do not think that some of the comments are necessary, but I knew that there would be opinions. Not a single person here can change how I feel about this pregnancy.
Let me be completely cliche here --- You don't know my life!
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Re: A quick response
3 children, 2 baby daddies one of which is my husband. We just bought a super cute log cabin in the middle of the woods. Didnt say our lives were the same. Im saying you're stupid for making these choices for yourself & your children. Based on earlier posts by yourself I thought you were intelligent & strong, revelations today have proven otherwise. Cant wait to see the fallout from this, wonder how long it will take for another "relapse" from him now.
M&M: Congrats!
Secondly, it's your life and your decision. There's no need to justify this. At all.
You are a grown a$$ with a job, stable housing and enough love to go around. Your relationship maybe a bit judge worthy but whatever..you know you best. I have known people in a lot worse situations that have had babies and survived.
Everyone has problems, the internet included and I think a few posters forgot that earlier.
Not overboard, Id be mad too if I were you. Im sure you expected more of the butt kissing & less of the real.
& for the courts involved comment that I was just reminded is on here. Thats what any reasonable responsible adult does when they split from their childrens parent, especially when there are issues like these involved.
This proves to me that you are a total AW and love to see the group stirred up. Touche.
By the way the comment about you TTC was spawned in your original post saying "you wanted your kids to be close in age", plus you're an adult and a nurse and so probably know where babies come from. Maybe you weren't actively setting out to make a baby, but you sure weren't doing much to prevent it either.
I think the real shock from your BFP was all of the months we heard about you never going back to him, and how many times he had slipped up before. And how he had let you down, and you were ashamed of him.
I think people are shocked because we've never really heard positive things about him. He's a good dad, but he's let you down a lot, so it's surprising you'd want to have more children with him. After how he has treated YOU, not Mason. And many of your confessions were about sneaking around with him. I don't believe anyone is wishing you ill will, just shocked, and honestly disappointed.
I am skeptical because my SIL had a baby with a man, who died when my nephew was 15 months of a drug overdose (on a relapse after being clean for years). It hits home all too well. I do hope that you have a better experience than most.
Here's to a healthy and happy pregnancy!!
It sounds to me like you're saying to us the things you say to yourself to try & make yourself believe this is reality.
I hope you're getting help too, its obvious you need it. I know, single mom with 2 kids & a drug addict ex is a lot harder than it may seem to you now.
Intro. Single mother with 5 month old.
Slightly contradictory to the story about him having a one time slip up due to rx pills he was given from a surgery
Relapsing into a drug addiction and stealing from your family is more than "slipping up"
I wish you would just own it and stop being in denial. Your low blows at Mainmommy are comical considering you will now have 2 children with a drug addict and quite possibly (considering the chances of staying in a healthy relationship with a drug addict are slim) more children with your next husband.
Here is a direct quote of yours.
I am very sad to say that I am the newest member of your board. Here is my story. I love my baby's father. We have been together for seven years, and we have a very special bond. He has a great heart, and he loves me and Mason very much. Unfortunately, he has a disease. He is a drug addict. I would have to say that the majority of our relationship he has been clean. I have never even experimented with drugs, and I am pretty much the complete opposite of someone you would imagine with an addict. My ex had a very difficult childhood, but he is educated and a talented hard worker. A combination of prescribed pain pills after several operations and hanging with the wrong people during his 20's led to a pain pill dependence. He has been through recovery, and I have been lucky enough to know the clean version of the man I love. Sometimes he goes 2 years clean, and sometimes only 6 months. He usually relapses for a short period of time before getting help. It has happened a handful of times throughout our relationship.
This is a HUGE difference than your opening post where you claim that his relapses happened seven years ago for the most part. HUGE. It's complete denial and an outright lie.
He's been clean for what, 100 days? 120 max? For petes sake, just own it. You're having a 2 under 2 with a full blown drug addict. You're no better than Mainemommy or anyone else.
Exactly! Very well said!