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January 2012 Moms
fyrefairie
member
Is it normal
fyrefairie
member
To like DH a little less these days. THere's a theme of DH posts lately and frankly I find myself disillusioned with mine lately. I suppose being tired doesn't help and the fact that they just don't have the momma instinct just makes me feel like I do all the work. BUt he could wash a bottle, or tell me I look nice....or brush his teeth. IDK, I just thought this would make me fall all starried eyed head over heels like when we first met and instead I just kinda want to kick him most days. He loves DD but isn't super involved...which is OK because I prefer to hog her when I'm home, but he does quite literally NOTHING around the house. Tell me this too shall pass
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Re: Is it normal
It's totally normal and happens to everyone. I agree with PP, put him in situations where he is forced to take care of LO. I can pick my work schedule but I work 6-3pm which means DH is the one getting the boys up and to daycare every morning. This morning he texts me right at 6. "everyone is up and I'm the only one not crying." I wrote back...Sorry
Does he think I've never dealt with that?!
Anyway, it's super annoying but it does get better. I've had to lower my expectations with my husband and realize that he just doesn't think about things like I do. I spend the majority of my free time during the work day thinking about things at home....laundry, dishes, errands that have to be run. He doesn't think about any of that stuff. We are wired different and that's ok. That doesn't mean I don't want to throttle him sometimes
love is for every her, love is for every him, love is for everyone
Just this past week I've been feeling more and more tired and frustrated. It isn't always something that DH has done (tho there have been a few doozies) that sets me off, but I seem to be taking it out on him.
I know I chose to be a SAHM, but there are days that the next few years are stretching out before me like a prison sentence. I've been on this job (motherhood) for the last 3.5 months without a break. I need a day off - for everyone's sake.
My DH and I had this discussion just the other night. Some of it was I am not totally happy with my self right now (wishing I could drop some pounds but its hard with little time and while bf). I need him to be appreciative of all of the work I do and I want to feel like he still wants me as a woman. On top of feeling a little down, I was getting mad at him for not doing the "work" at home I thought he should. *I have an amazing husband who does so much with our DS and even stayed home a couple of days when the boy had the flu because I needed to be at work.* What we figured out was I was mad at him for not doing things he didn't know he needed to be doing. My expectations were he would know to do it but he doesn't see things the same way I do so he never thought about it. And because I was mad at him, his response was to pull away which made my personal unhappiness even worse because I needed his support.
You need to tell your DH when you need help or if you just need a hug because he doesn't know unless you talk to him about it. Its really hard for me to do but things are always better when we talk.
* I just started reading a book someone gave us for our wedding about love and respect. Women crave love and men need respect. Its a circle and when one person stops giving what the other needs, they don't get back what they need and everything goes into a downward spiral. I never find time to read anymore but I am trying to find time for this one.
I have to do this too. We had a (long) discussion about it the other night, and things have improved greatly. He wanted to know why I was so tired and why I never wanted to have sex. So I listed everything I do around the house, and everything he does around the house. It was shockingly imbalanced, even though we both work the same amount of hours. When I had a day off I would do about 5 loads of laundry plus 4 to 5 more major chores. When he had a day off he couldn't manage to get one load of laundry done (really? you put it in and go!), yet he had time to beat a video game and watch 10 episodes of how i met your mother. I can't remember the last time I sat down long enough to watch one episode of anything. It didn't help that he refused to put DS in the crib for his naps because he doesn't nap as long as when we're holding him-to which I said he won't learn if you never try.
...Anyway, he has been doing much more lately and really picking up the slack. He even cut the grass yesterday without me having to ask him :O. I made a list of chores that need done on a regular basis, and he does one or two when he has off.
All that to say...talk to him!