Guilt over not wanting to give up LO for few days for relatives

flipflops01 · April 2012

I am so torn. We live on other side of US from all of our families- they are torn with never getting to see the baby! It is really impossible for us to take time to fly him out there right now- I have no vacation time left after coming back from maternity leave. My family keeps asking if they can bring the baby with them home for a few days to get to spend some time with him (they haven't seen him since he was born) but my husband and I have resisted because we would miss him too much!! I feel guilt though at not wanting to do this.

Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel selfish for not wanting to "give him up" for a few days to a week so that his grandparents can spend time with him, but at the same time they can fly out and stay with us too so I'm not sure really why it keeps coming up. And every time we mention possibly trying to fly out for a long weekend, they want us to leave the baby a bit longer and they'll fly back with him.. Any advice would be great!

chasensmommy · April 2012

I have not been in your situation but I sure would NOT want to do that! It's very nice that they want to be more involved and spend time with him so be delicate on how you approach them, but go with your gut if it just doesn't feel right to you. Have them visit you.

l_elizabeth · April 2012

It is COMPLETELY ridiculous to even ask you to have your baby go out and spend time (without you). Not even with my 2 year old would I allow my relatives to take him without me or my husband, but an infant? Insane.

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · April 2012

I would not feel comfortable doing that. Overnight is one thing, a few days is a whole different thing.

tartaruga · April 2012

No way. If they want to see baby, they can come see baby at your house. You are not at ALL selfish for not wanting to send your infant across the country without you.

honeybee #1 · April 2012

You aren't being selfish at all. I can't imagine being that far away from my baby for days on end. I can't believe anyone would even ask that.

JKB1986 · April 2012

l_elizabeth:
It is COMPLETELY ridiculous to even ask you to have your baby go out and spend time (without you). Not even with my 2 year old would I allow my relatives to take him without me or my husband, but an infant? Insane.

This times a million!! If that even got brought up twice heads would roll.

grbnik · April 2012

JKB1986:
l_elizabeth:
It is COMPLETELY ridiculous to even ask you to have your baby go out and spend time (without you). Not even with my 2 year old would I allow my relatives to take him without me or my husband, but an infant? Insane.
This times a million!! If that even got brought up twice heads would roll.

Exactly.

Jenny952 · April 2012

I'm sorry you're in that situation. Maybe when your child is older, like 5 or 6, then that would be an option. But I'd be thinking the same thing, that it's too early to leave the baby with them. The next time they bring it up, just say what a nice offer and maybe once he's a little bit older, you'll think about it. If they really press it, tell mom/grandma/aunt that you're not ready to be without baby yet, and when you are, then you'll make arrangements.

ryry1977 · April 2012

I think it is very weird that anyone would ask that! No I would not let anyone take my baby for a few days.

frasey · April 2012

umm yeah as PPs said, we would never even consider doing that!! It seems completely unreasonable to expect that of you and your baby.

mbgreenwalt · April 2012

I wouldn't even consider it. DD1 is over 2 years old and I still won't let my dad take her 1.5 hours to his house for the weekend. If they are going to travel more than 20 minutes from home, they are going to be with me or DH.

TheMrs1009 · April 2012

What? Ummm, no. And I would question people who could ask such a thing.

Lena122 · April 2012

It baffles me that your family would even suggest that. I wouldnt even leave DS overnight somewhere without me unless it was absolutely necessary. Make them come to you.

MrsT2008 · April 2012

um, if anyone ever suggested that to me, they'd be getting an earful.

kristenina · April 2012

Just echoing what others have said - that wouldn't even be up for consideration. My mother came to visit and wanted to take the baby for a walk, and I couldn't even handle that! No way! Don't feel guilty - your reaction is totally normal.

bpwife&mama · April 2012

I am in the same position, I live in WA state and my family and DH's family lives in MI. Under NO circumstances would they ever be able to take my baby back with them for even a day without me. I can't believe they would ask that! My family would no better than to ask me that. They would know the answer right off the bat!

inlovewithB · April 2012

There is NO WAY I would even consider something like that!! Most importantly because your LO doesn't know them and it would probably be very stressful to be away from Mommy, Daddy and home. Secondly there is NO way your relatives will care for your LO the way you do. Things like feedings, diaper changes and baths will be different and that can't be good for your baby. I wouldn't trust anyone to travel with my baby...if something bad happened I would not be able to forgive myself or the person taking care of my child.

I am having my parents come here and stay in our house with DD while we spend two nights at the beach for our anniversary. We will only be 20 minutes from our house and my Mom has spent plenty of time with DD. Even this situation is causing me so much anxiety I couldn't even consider what you are being asked to do.

MrsNash37212 · April 2012

Forget being selfish (you're not), but just a statement of the obvious here... do they think your baby wants to be away from his mother? I'll answer that for them: Hell. No.

Thinkerbelle80 · April 2012

No Way! I would never ever be comfortable with that especially not with a young baby. Just say no. You are the parent. Why can't they come stay with you? It's stupid that they want to have the baby but without you there. Tell them to come and stay with you every time they say that.

excited16 · April 2012

If they have to take care of the baby at their house why not visit you for longer?

Jen0204 · April 2012

My parents kept the girls overnight one night the weekend before I went back to work so that we could get a good night's rest and I was really nervous about that and they only live 20 minutes away. There is not even a remote chance that my babies will be a plane ride away from me for a long time. Odds are your baby would be fine, but god forbid something happened and you were HOURS away. They can suck it up and come visit. It's been a pet peeve of mine that people seem to expect us to come to them and accommodate their schedules - we're the ones with newborns, you come to us!

Ricola · April 2012

You are not selfish, I would not ever do that. Don't let them make you feel guilty. If they want to spend more time with your LO, they can come to you.

acorlew7 · April 2012

I don't blame you at all. LO is still too young for your family to expect you to give him up for a few days. If they want to see LO, why can't they visit you?

lemonJAM · April 2012

Wow, that is seriously crazy. There is no way I would let my infant visit family for a few days across the country (or close by for that matter). Your LO is too young to be away from you and DH for an extended time. Don't let them guilt you or argue with you.

DD is almost 3. Just this spring I finally felt comfortable with her spending 3 mights with my MIL 3 hours away. She adores MIL and I knew she would be fine, but it was still hard. Of course, they both had a fantastic time and I got some alone time with DS, so it was all good. But, if she were any younger, I wouldn't have done it.

sunnyday016 · April 2012

What?! That's a really strange request, and no I would not allow that. I would MAYBE let my 3 year old fly with my parents (only them, I wouldn't trust anyone else with her), but a baby is totally different.

KayT27 · April 2012

I definately think it's strange that they want to take your baby across the country from you. I agree with PP's - why don't they just come visit you if they want to see you LO??

cookinitup · April 2012

NO WAY!

That whole scenario sounds like the first fifteen minutes of a really bad Lifetime drama.

There isn't anything in the world my parents or ILs could do or say that would make me even consider that!

jeapplegate · April 2012

It's selfish of them to ask you to do that. Babies belong with their mothers. That is who they want. They are not sitting in their crib at night lamenting the fact that they haven't been spending enough time with Grandma. They are lying there missing you.

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