November 2011 Moms

Relationship with the In-laws

So - just curious.  Has anyone else had a major relationship change with their in-laws since little one was born?  If it has how are you dealing with it?  My MIL is not very good to my son and it KILLS me!  This has really complicated our relationship.  I never cared before if she kind of ran over my husband and I - but I stand up for my son.  She is so impatient with him - I honestly don't know any infant who will sit in a car seat for hours on end, or who can entertain themselves (which is just one of the issues... I don't want to go off right now).  IDK... any thoughts?

Re: Relationship with the In-laws

  • I avoid mine even more now. I haven't been over to their house at all since LO was born. MIL is BSC and is not allowed to be along with LO so I have to constantly make up excuses to her on why we are ok with staying home every weekend with the baby, etc.
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  • I never really cared for them before because they're not very nice to SO, but I could at least tolerate them and play nice.  Now I have absolutely no patience.  MIL is always making little snide remarks about DS being heavy and "what in the world are you feeding him?!".  FIL has a really bad habit of trying to take DS out of my arms.  So it's best that I'm not around them.  MIL mentioned coming over tomorrow, so DS and I suddenly have plans.
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  • My in laws are out of state so I don't have too many issues with them.  The first couple of times we went over MIL would attempt to say or do something but I am very outspoken and addressed the issue very politely before it went too far.  DH supports me so that?s a plus.  

    When DS was born she tried to over step her boundaries and I immediately informed her that this was our LO and she had the opportunity to raise DH; and this was our chance to raise our LO.  She wasn't too happy but I'm glad that did because Thank God she respects my decisions now.

    ~Caleb~ If i could have a lifetime wish, a dream that would come true, I'd pray to God with all my heart, for yesterday and you. D&E 8/24/2012 EDD 1/28/2013 ___________________________________________________ Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thank you for responding!  I think we may have a similar situation.  My MIL thinks my son is over weight too (thanks to my brother in law).  So - at one point my husband allowed her to be alone with him (will never happen again), so rather than feeding him she forced a pacifier on him because she thinks "he is not hungry - he is eating for comfort".  My opinion is that he is too young to be an emotional eater - that didn't start for me until my 20's :)
  • My FIL has always been geat but on the otherhand I used to always have problems with my SMIL.She is one strange lady.Ever since I was pregnant she did a complete 360 and has been working really hard to be nice.At first it was really creepy but now I accept it for what it is.She has become very nice to me so I do the same.It's still kinda wierd but if she can do it, so can I.
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  • Not good but it really wasn't before. MIL sees LO maybe once a month even though she lives 5 minutes away.. She just doesn't care unless it's a good time for her. Obviously LO doesn't even know who she is abd doesn't like her (she isn't good with him at all). 

    She will ask to keep him randomly even though I have told her she needs to spend more time with him so he knows her before I leave him with her. Obviously all talks go in one ear and out the other because she just asked to keep him tinight (we haven't seen her in several weeks). Not happening.  

     

  • imagelkm2006:

    Not good but it really wasn't before. MIL sees LO maybe once a month even though she lives 5 minutes away.. She just doesn't care unless it's a good time for her. Obviously LO doesn't even know who she is abd doesn't like her (she isn't good with him at all). 

    She will ask to keep him randomly even though I have told her she needs to spend more time with him so he knows her before I leave him with her. Obviously all talks go in one ear and out the other because she just asked to keep him tinight (we haven't seen her in several weeks). Not happening.  

    wow, 5 minutes away???? Not cool. I agree with you on not leaving LO with her. Tongue Tied

    ~Caleb~ If i could have a lifetime wish, a dream that would come true, I'd pray to God with all my heart, for yesterday and you. D&E 8/24/2012 EDD 1/28/2013 ___________________________________________________ Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Yeah, I mostly avoid my ILs. They aren't rude or anything; they just can't handle my 5 year old. So I don't think they deserve to try and handle my 5 month old. This is partly because FIL acts like a 5 year old himself and MIL can barely handle him. I'm very outspoken, so I can handle them both and still have 2 hands left over. Wink But I don't want to upset DH, so....I advoid them.
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  • My IL's are divorced but before LO was here MIL didn't really make any attempt to see us (which was fine with me after she threatened a blood bath at our wedding because FIL was going to bring his girlfeind, told us she had no reason to stay living in MN, told me I was getting big at 16 weeks....no one else seemed to think so since I lost 10 lbs). Now that DS is here she wants to see him at least once a week.

    This really irks me that she could have cared less to see DH but now wants to see DS frequently. It hurts my feelings that she did not make that effort with her son.

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  • aside from trying to push their parenting ideas onto us, they are tolerable.
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  • My MIL drives me crazy!  She's constantly telling me that LO is starving because I breastfeed and that I need to let LO CIO.  LO goes to bed with no problems most nights and sleep six hours, eats and then sleeps another six hours. 

     I've told her over and over that what LO eats is not up for discussion and neither is how I put her to sleep.  Hasn't stopped her from constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong.

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  • Somehow bringing a kid into the mix just ups the ante. Despite our differences, we got along well until the end of my pregnancy. This is the first grandchild for their family, and my MIL just cannot respect our parenting. Every.little.thing has become this passive aggressive power struggle now. I really like the PP who said 'you got to parent DH, now we get to parent LO'. Unfortunately, that approach totally backfired for us. What we've tried to do is pick our battles and try and compromise where I can. On the non-negotiables, I just try to be firm and avoid situations that are likely to cause conflict. Also, I try to have DH handle disagreements and planning issues so it lessens the negative vibes between me and MIL. Maybe you could just limit how long she's left with the baby, or not let her have him unsupervised. Could you suggest an activity for them to do, or meet up at a park?

    I'm really upset about all my IL drama, because growing up both of my parents were very vocal about how much they hated their IL's. It was hard for me as a kid being in the middle of that, because I liked all my grandparents/aunts/uncles. I thought I was so lucky my IL's were so sweet, but it's been a total 180 since we brought this kid into the world. Ugh. 

  • Reading about all of your guys' IL issues makes me feel lucky. I was going to reply, but I don't really have anything to complain about. Just the occasional, "This is what worked for me" type of stuff. My MIL is a baby hog and allllllways wants to feed DD even though she gets really distracted if it's anyone besides me or DH feeding her. That's really nothing compared to what you guys have had to go through. Tongue Tied
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