s/o kids at celebrations

alli2672 · April 2012

How much of the focus is on kids at family holidays and celebrations? What do you think is fair?

fSIL uninvited my kids to her wedding because they were such AWs at DDs baptism. My mom told us on Easter, and I was super embarrassed because I had planned an easter egg hunt, had the boys (ages 2 and 3) give homemade cards to everyone, and served a preschooler decorated cake for dessert.

Seeing it through her eyes, it seemed really AWish, but I hadnt thought of it that way.

My kids are the only kids of my brother, sister, and myself.

EnglishMajor03 · April 2012

Huh? Your SIL uninvited you to her wedding? What did your kids do at the baptism that was so AWish?

And your Easter sounds like a great day- the fact that your children made cards for everyone attending and decorated a cake to serve only shows respect and responsibility as far as I'm concerned.

Your SIL sounds weird.

MrsBalletStar05 · April 2012

Another family member thought your children were too much the center of attention at your own daughter's baptism? Do I have that correct?

EnglishMajor03 · April 2012

MrsBalletStar05:
Another family member thought your children were too much the center of attention at your own daughter's baptism? Do I have that correct?

Right?!

notkateanymore · April 2012

MrsBalletStar05:
Another family member thought your children were too much the center of attention at your own daughter's baptism? Do I have that correct?

LOL She sounds like a nut...sure we can't talk your brother out of marrying her? Maybe you could uninvite everybody to the wedding!

MrsBalletStar05 · April 2012

I mean if that is the case, then yes - she is a nut and I don't think you should care about her opinion AT ALL. However, I feel like I must be missing something because yeah.....I don't understand why you'd "understand her feelings" in that case. Because her feelings would be crap, LOL.

toadstool · April 2012

I think that does sound weird. What happened at the baptism that was so "AWish"?

Dochas · April 2012

Were they screaming in church or running across the altar? I don't get it. Easter sounds fine to me! Unless they were doing ANYTHING they could to get attention at the baptism I don't know why she would have a problem.

I don't know how much of a "focus" children are at our holidays. They're here, they're part of the family. They're not the ONLY thing going on. But an Easter Egg hunt ON EASTER doesn't sound out of line. Putting on a play or doing a recital at someone else's birthday party might be a bit much. But I can't really think of another example. LOL

alli2672 · April 2012

MrsBalletStar05:
Another family member thought your children were too much the center of attention at your own daughter's baptism? Do I have that correct?

yes. I dont think she is that wierd. she had just never been around kids before, and she didnt realize how much they hog the spotlight. IMO, they werent doing anything but being their adorable selves, but my mom, brother, and sister were giving them a lot of attention. She wants the attention on herself and my brother during the wedding, which I understand.

I guess when she said that I realized that we tend to make all family events kind of kid-centric even though my kids are the only kids.

nekorayne · April 2012

alli2672:
MrsBalletStar05:
Another family member thought your children were too much the center of attention at your own daughter's baptism? Do I have that correct?
yes. I dont think she is that wierd. she had just never been around kids before, and she didnt realize how much they hog the spotlight. IMO, they werent doing anything but being their adorable selves, but my mom, brother, and sister were giving them a lot of attention. She wants the attention on herself and my brother during the wedding, which I understand.
I guess when she said that I realized that we tend to make all family events kind of kid-centric even though my kids are the only kids.

This is so odd to me. When DH and I got together he already had 2 nieces and a nephew. I adored them (and of course still do) and loved being an aunt to them. My oldest niece was actually in our wedding and our youngest ran around being adorable in fair wings and was our flower girl. I never felt they stole the show, got attention yes, but not stole the show. I wanted to share our special day with those we loved.

Now if they wanted an elegant affair I understand not wanting any kids to attend, but to invite them and then uninviting them simply because she felt that she was not getting enough attention on Easter is a really bad way of becoming a part of the family. It was Easter, Holidays in DH and my family are very kid centric. Easter egg hunts, decorating cakes and eggs, all of that is fun for the kids and it is a family event. She is an adult and needs to get over herself and enjoy the family. Her wedding day is a 100% different occasion then a holiday and their is no way someone could still teh spotlight of a happy bride and groom. If she wanted it to be an adult only affair she should have made it clear from the get go because uninviting them makes her seem super petty and attention whorish.

If she is afraid you will have your kids do some crazy spotlight hogging thing then she could have had your brother talk to you and express their concern. Uninviting them was overdramatic. I'm assuming she is uninvitng every child then...even on her side?

notkateanymore · April 2012

Your brother and family are ok with this?

MrsBalletStar05 · April 2012

nekorayne:
alli2672:
MrsBalletStar05:
Another family member thought your children were too much the center of attention at your own daughter's baptism? Do I have that correct?
yes. I dont think she is that wierd. she had just never been around kids before, and she didnt realize how much they hog the spotlight. IMO, they werent doing anything but being their adorable selves, but my mom, brother, and sister were giving them a lot of attention. She wants the attention on herself and my brother during the wedding, which I understand.
I guess when she said that I realized that we tend to make all family events kind of kid-centric even though my kids are the only kids.
This is so odd to me. When DH and I got together he already had 2 nieces and a nephew. I adored them (and of course still do) and loved being an aunt to them. My oldest niece was actually in our wedding and our youngest ran around being adorable in fair wings and was our flower girl. I never felt they stole the show, got attention yes, but not stole the show. I wanted to share our special day with those we loved.

Now if they wanted an elegant affair I understand not wanting any kids to attend, but to invite them and then uninviting them simply because she felt that she was not getting enough attention on Easter is a really bad way of becoming a part of the family. It was Easter, Holidays in DH and my family are very kid centric. Easter egg hunts, decorating cakes and eggs, all of that is fun for the kids and it is a family event. She is an adult and needs to get over herself and enjoy the family. Her wedding day is a 100% different occasion then a holiday and their is no way someone could still teh spotlight of a happy bride and groom. If she wanted it to be an adult only affair she should have made it clear from the get go because uninviting them makes her seem super petty and attention whorish.

If she is afraid you will have your kids do some crazy spotlight hogging thing then she could have had your brother talk to you and express their concern. Uninviting them was overdramatic. I'm assuming she is uninvitng every child then...even on her side?

Ditto all of this.

Besides she is assuming everyones behavior will be the same at a completely different event. Easter was your event for your kids. Her wedding will be her event for her. I don't get her logic.

WhitePicketFence · April 2012

OP, I think your SIL is odd.

To answer your question, however, holidays, birthdays, and baptisms are very kid-centric in our family but that's probably because DH and I have 17 neices and nephews between the two of us. Weddings are generally a very different type of event though. Unless the child is older, I wouldn't have wanted them at my wedding nor would I want to be the parent that takes the child to the wedding.

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