I know it's not a competition.... (pg mentioned)

jenn0021 · April 2012

But sometimes I feel like it is. I know it's stupid but I'm really bummed that DH and I don't get to "win" at anything. My parents are already grandparents and I wanted to be the first to have kids on DH's side. But no, SIL had a baby first and I just have m/c's. They had a son, a perfect little grandson and gave both sets of parents a grandchild, someone to carry on the family name. I was really sad about that. Then I figured maybe we'd be the first to give DH's parents a granddaughter. But no, SIL had her a/s yesterday and it looks like its a girl. Now they'll have the perfect little family, a boy and girl. And we have none, just 3 angel babies which his parents don't even acknowledge. I hate this. I hate that I feel like I'm failing and they're winning and that life isn't fair. I'm bummed but I didn't want to voice it to DH since he doesn't get it.

Just needed to vent.

AngnShaun · April 2012

{{HUGS}} My siblings are done having kids and Shauns brother is only 16... i cant imagine how much harder this would be if we were all in the same life stages...

Mom2anAngel2 · April 2012

I feel like I could have written that post. I too know that it is not a competition, but it sure does feel like I lose at everything! My sister is now pg with her 3rd, and my other sister is pg with her first. Both got pg within a few months of their weddings. As for me, it took 2 years, surgery and meds to get pg and then I loose my son. I felt that we were having a boy from the beginning, and felt that we would be the first on both sides to give a grandson. Now I just dread that one of my sisters is going to have a boy. I swear if I hear the coments on a first grandson I will start bawling! In my eyes, my son will always be the first grandson, even though they never got to meet him.

I am sorry that you too feel this way! Life just is so unfair sometimes. ((HUGS))

raashton · April 2012

I am so very sorry sweetie!

I feel the same way. When I found out my baby sister pregnant almost three years ago, I PRAYED she would have a boy, so that it would seem that my patience and waiting paid off and that my baby would be more special.

*Sigh* Hugs and love to you! I know so much how you feel!

andreagb · April 2012

((HUGS)).

Laurakat81 · April 2012

(((hugs))) I completely get it. I don't have to worry about SIL's since both were done having babies before we were ttc at all but I can relate with grandparents not acknowledging ALL of their grandchildren and wanting to "win" at something. I just feel like the loser wife who married their "perfect" son and can't give him any babies. Now I'm just worried I'll be the last of my friends to have a baby...the ones who swore they'd never have kids have already popped one out...and yet here I am...

sammer818 · April 2012

*HUGS* DH tells me this all the time, and I know it's not about who does what first, but somtimes, I just want to be first. I want a family so bad, and it's hard to be in a situation like this where I have absolutely no control. I can hump it out with DH, but that's it. I can't train longer, study harder, work harder, or do anything else. It's tough. We've been trying for over 2 years, and I always "knew" we would be the first of our group of friends to have kids. But of course, our best friends are pg, and due in Aug. It just hurts because now most of the rest of the group is also trying, and I feel like everyone is just passing me by. I know EXACTLY how you feel. So sorry hun.

jenn0021 · April 2012

Thanks for understanding, I knew you ladies would. I know in my head it's not a competitition but sometimes my heart tells me differently. It just makes me all around sad.

kpowers982 · April 2012

MissMheMhe:

(((Hugs))) I am sorry. You are right, it is not a competition. But it feels like it most of the time when you want something so badly and it seems everyone else gets it without really trying.

All kinds of this! It's really hard...I think we all share your feelings. Hang in there :

VikingQueen · April 2012

((hugs))

I know exactly what you mean. My parents have 4 granddaughters and I am hoping and praying that I will be the first one to give them a grandson.. I'm the youngest so I was never first at anything in my family and I don't know why it's such a big deal for me to be the first on this but it is..

I know it's not a competition but sometimes our hearts don't understand that despite what our heads are saying.

I'm so sorry sweetie.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

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FreyaWin2382 · April 2012

I am so sorry....I can definitely relate to the pain of not having the first grandchild and feeling like it just seems to come so easily to others. I once told my husband that sometimes I feel like my sister and brother in law can just skip through life, meanwhile we have a jackhammer and are having to claw our way forward!

Big (((HUGS))).

thatlauragirl · April 2012

((hugs)) It's hard to watch others' lives go perfectly as planned, especially when it's something like this. Definitely understand where you're coming from.

Smootiepie · April 2012

*HUGE HUGS*

LaTi07 · April 2012

Jenn, I so wish I could just come over and give you a big (hug)!

You're right, it's not a competition (though it really does feel that way.) I know it sucks that you couldn't give the grandparents their first grandchild or their first gradson/granddaughter, but there is something that is 1,000,000 times more important that no matter how many kids your family members have, they will never be able to take this away from you. That's how YOU feel when you have your first baby.

Your baby will also get a reaction from the grandparents that his/her cousins won't get and that's going to be the reaction of "You truly are such a wanted miracle." When the grandparents hold your baby, they will look at that child and feel completely different for them then they do their other grandkids just knowing the hell you guys went through to bring that baby here.

Atleighdan · April 2012

Huge (((hugs))) to you! I am sorry you are have a rough day. I hope your weekend improves!

Elle jM · April 2012

stlucia_wife:
Big hugs Hun. I totally get what your saying. I have had all of these thoughts.

Yes This. Big hugs!

jenn0021 · April 2012

LaTi07:

Jenn, I so wish I could just come over and give you a big (hug)!

You're right, it's not a competition (though it really does feel that way.) I know it sucks that you couldn't give the grandparents their first grandchild or their first gradson/granddaughter, but there is something that is 1,000,000 times more important that no matter how many kids your family members have, they will never be able to take this away from you. That's how YOU feel when you have your first baby.

Your baby will also get a reaction from the grandparents that his/her cousins won't get and that's going to be the reaction of "You truly are such a wanted miracle." When the grandparents hold your baby, they will look at that child and feel completely different for them then they do their other grandkids just knowing the hell you guys went through to bring that baby here.

Thank you LaTi. You made me get all teary-eyed.

GatorBaby2012 · April 2012

kpowers982:
MissMheMhe:

(((Hugs))) I am sorry. You are right, it is not a competition. But it feels like it most of the time when you want something so badly and it seems everyone else gets it without really trying.

All kinds of this! It's really hard...I think we all share your feelings. Hang in there :

This too. Hugs.

ChloBub · April 2012

(((HUGS))) I'm definitely dealing with competitive jealousy with my PG cousin. I really wanted the first great grandbaby on that side of the family, especially since I'm the first grandchild. I know just how you feel. And you know I'm always in support of an IL vent. XO

shellyco · April 2012

(HUGS). MH doesn't really get that feeling either, but I've definitely felt it before, so you aren't alone.

CCline09 · April 2012

I feel the same. My SIL is pregnant with a baby boy. No babies on my families side yet but since I am TTA for so long it makes me sad for them for the wait.

((HUGS)) to you. You are just going through so much

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