Adoption

Why I lurk here

I've lurked on this board for a while now, and thought I'd jot down a couple thoughts.  There's always something I want to say, but it never seems to be my place.

I lurk here because you guys inspire me.  Everyone has a different story, a different reason to adopt, but what I find so inspiring is the absolute, unconditional love you have for a child you don't yet know, and to their birth mothers who are in such a difficult position.

I lurk because your stories make me happy.  Your path to motherhood is different than my own, but my heart jumps a little because everytime I see someone has been matched, or has brought home their child.  Becoming a parent is an amazing experience, and I am so, so happy everytime a person who wants to be a parent so badly is able to do so.

I also lurk because adoption can be heartbreaking when it falls through.  I say a little prayer everytime I see a failed match, and always hope for a speedy process for all of you.

With all that being said, where the heck is CaptainSerious, and how are those boys doing? 

Re: Why I lurk here

  • Thanks for sharing.... your post is quite moving :)  And I agree... CS... how ya doing?
    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • Bring on the lurkers! The more the merrier :)

    CS, I love your posts. I hope you check in soon.

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  • I love your post!

    Captain hangs out on BOTB some..Love her!

    "Onward"--CathyMD Waiting since 07/5/2011 for our forever child! Yep we are adopting!
  • Thank you for posting. It was very sweet.
    The waste in life lies in the love we have not given, the powers we have not used and the selfish prudence that will risk nothing; and which shirking pain, misses happiness as well. Mary Cholmondeley
  • This post made me smile :) Thanks for sharing!
    Anniversary


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  • love this post!!!
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  • Another lurker here. I've found myself wanting to post on several occasions, but feel it's not my place.

    My DH and his two siblings were adopted. DH and his sister from Russia, younger brother from Romania. Adoption is such an amazing thing. DH was his BM's 10th pregnancy. She was a Roma gypsy in the USSR. Gypsies are not a well-liked people in Europe and are not given the same opportunities others have. DH was born premature, but was lucky enough to have been born in a hospital. He stayed there for a few months, until his mother was able to have her brother sign DH over to an orphanage. For the first years, DH was not able to be adopted outside of Russia. The first year adoption to Americans became available, DH's mother and father flew to Russia to adopt a little girl. Upon arrival, there was difficulty between the city she was in and the city DH's parents were in and they were unable to adopt her. The orphanage where they were told them they had a small girl about the same age. After some consideration, however, the orphanage retracted the offer. Instead, they offered a little boy who would not thrive in Russia. Being a gypsy, he was always looked over. DH's parents agreed to have him brought out and immediately decided he was the one they were supposed to adopt. He was their little boy. Workers from the orphanage had to carry him from the orphanage to the train station, as they were afraid it would be too easy for something potentially harmful to happen to foreigners and a gypsy boy. He was one of only 300 children to be adopted out of the country that year (I'm not sure if it's 300 worldwide, or 300 adopted out to American parents). When he came home, he had to wear oversized Hello Kitty clothes, as his parents had been expecting to bring home a little girl, hehehe. It is hard to believe all the things that could have gone differently and DH would not be here with me today.

     

    DH and I have talked about adoption, as well. I very much enjoy reading the stories shared on this board. It also makes me truly appreciate the struggles DH's parents went through to adopt each of their children. I also love how genuine and kind everyone is in their posts. What a great community this is. And sorry for the novel!

    image
    Dx: PCOS, started Metformin 7/13
  • I've been lurking over here too for the past week or so, at the advice of Gnomesweetgnome. I'm in IF testing limbo, waiting for DH to do an SA (and waiting, and waiting). I've been thinking lately about adoption and fostering to adopt. DH is Native American, so we would be able to take in NA children. I had some pretty negative experiences with foster kids in HS, so I'm working to get rid of those preconceived notions and wondering if this path could be the right one for us. There was a NA foster care booth at a powwow we went to a couple of weeks ago, and DH actually showed interest. Considering how long it's taking him to get around to IF testing, it could be quite a while before we start the process, but I'm enjoying reading your stories and learning the basics of what we'd likely go through.

    I've enjoyed lurking over here. :) 

    imageimage
    7,065/13,000=54.3%
    Started TTC in June 2008. Not bothering any more.

    Bonafide thread killah
  • I've lurked here for years.  DH and I have been TTC for nearly 5 years.  I have finally talked him into getting testing done.  We have both agreed that we won't go the IVF route, but instead will move on to adopting from foster care.  Like Bio, my H is also Native.  There are so many Native kids in the Alberta foster care system and we think it would be great to adopt a Native child waiting for a family, but we are open to any race.  DH would prefer to adopt a child under 5, but I am open to any age.

    ETA:  At one point we also thought that we may be able to adopt my nephew when my SIL (DH's sister) was threatening to "give him up"  (her words).  She has since decided to parent, but my DH still hopes that she will give us custody one day.  He stays with us every other weekend currently.

  • Joining the bandwagon:

    I've lurked here for a long time.  I lurked because my IF diagnosis scared me, treatment scared me, uncertainty scared me.  I lurked because adoption didn't scare me because you ladies made it seem possible.  I lurked because DH wasn't on board with adoption and I thought by showing him some of your stories he might be more open minded.  Before we started our last IVF cycle he agreed that if it didn't work he'd go with me to meet a couple of agencies.  Thanks to you, that was a step in a better direction.

    I continue to lurk because I feel like I've gotten to know you (wow is that creepster or what??).  I want to see if you get your matches and watch your LOs grow. 

    Thank you for being an inspiration to people who hide in the shadows. 

    Goes back to lurking...

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  • Hi everyone!

    I'm around and check in frequently to read posts and see what's going on.  I'm so busy, though, that I'm usually on my phone and rarely get a chance to post.  I miss you all, too, and always have your families on my mind.

    I've been working with our agency to try to help more waiting families find matches among Peru's waiting children.   I'm also considering contacting some of the agencies that work with Peru only to place waiting children and seeing if I can help them, too.  There are so many great kids just waiting for their families, but the system has a lot of pitfalls and the families seem a bit skittish about finding their match themselves, so with the help of our son's orphanage director, I've come up with some ideas that might help.

    The boys are doing great.  J is such a blessing to our family, and we are really cruising along.  He and M are acting as though they've been brothers since birth, and although M's still adjusting to no longer being the only, a lot of the rivalry stuff seems to be calming down considerably, to much more normal levels, I think.  We're taking J to the children's hospital tomorrow to have him screened for the NF1 and find out once and for all if he's really got it.

    Other than that, I've just been enjoying this stay-at-home-mom thing.  I was kind of dreading it, but I've found ways to keep us busy and interacting outside the home, and we are even able to leave J with our nanny for short bursts, so I haven't felt pent-up or too constricted at all.  Things have really been going great!

  • Hi! I will come out as a lurker too! I started coming to this board just to learn more about adoption when my cousin adopted a baby about a year ago.  I was interested in learning more about the process and the "language".  My sister-in-law also worked with foster kids and I have always been interested in fostering.  Since then, I too have fallen in love with your journeys and find myself checking in regularly to see how everyone is doing and pray for all of you.  I hope you don't think that is too creepy! In the future I would love to possibly foster, but I think I will have to wait until our kids are bigger before I can convince my husband.
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  • Hello, I lurk here, too!

    I didn't really know anything about adoption until we started our IF journey.  I started seeing more adopted child, but I just never realized how much you all have been through to get there.  My DH and I talk about adoption a little now and will talk more if our IVF attempt fails this year.   

    I respect all of you and enjoy reading this board very much!  

    Thanks for sharing amazing journey!!!    

    Mar-Apr-May/12: All 3 IUI (w/ Femara) - BFN

    May/12 IVF journey in the works...
    IVF #1 w/ ICSI #1 (Gonal, Menopur & Ganirelix)
    5/29-6/18: BCP, 6/21-6/27: Stim, 6/30: ER
    7/5: ET 2 5-days blastocysts are transferred, none made to freeze :(
    7/17: Beta #1 - 616!!, 7/23: Beta #2 - 6818
    8/2: u/s #1 - a healthy seahorse found & one empty sac, 8/16: u/s #2 - one peanut! HB @ 180
    10/30: It's a girl!!! EDD: 3/23/13


    IVF & Miracle baby blog!
    My Cherry Blossom baby

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  • I just wanted to say hi and thank you to the original poster and to the other 'lurkers' that posted...glad you commented.  It's so nice to 'meet' new people and hear your stories, too. 

     

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  • I am another lurker coming out of the woodwork.  I have been lurking on this board since I first joined TB after I found out I was pregnant.  I have been interested in adoption for as long as I can remember.  My favorite movies growing up were Annie and Anne of Green Gables.  When I was in elementary school, a family in my neighborhood adopted two little girls (sibling group adoption) from Korea.  I baby sat for these girls when we were all a bit older and they were so happy and adorable.  I have friends who expanded their family through domestic infant adoption and I have a friend who is German, who was adopted at the age of three (in Germany by a German family.)  As an adult, she was reunited with her BM here in the United States.

    Before we got married, I told DH that I was interested in international adoption.  While he didn't say no, he was very reluctant.  A year ago, we welcomed a wonderful bio son.  It will be some time before we expand our family again and I'm not sure if we will consider adoption at that point or not.  If we do, I'm sure I will spend lots of time on this board!

    I love being a part of all of your adoption journeys.  I pray when there are difficult times, I get excited when you take steps forward on your adoption journeys, I'm thrilled when you are matched with a child and I rejoice when you get to hold your children for the first time.

    I will never understand people with a negative view on adoption.  I have heard the comments such as "Don't you want child of your own?"  My thoughts are this...is my husband any less mine because he wasn't born my husband?  No!  So why would my child be any less mine because he or she wasn't born to me?

    I have wanted to post on here for a long time, but I was always reluctant.  Now that I have come out of my little hiding place in the corner, I'm not going to crawl back into it.  Thank you OP for starting this thread!

    Chase was born 4/23/2011
    Carlene was born 4/18/2014                          A14 siggy challenge:  Junk Food
    image  image image





  • Lurker here too!  We're sitting on a waiting list to get into the profile book... Not too thrilled, as there was no waiting list when we started the process, and then when we finished the home study, we were placed in the 30s.  Anyway, we've got a long wait ahead of us, unless we (or family or friends) find a match ourselves.
    After tttc and miscarriage, we are moving on to adoption! Home study approved and officially waiting since 2/12. Matched! Baby Boy due November 27th! Lilypie Countdown to Adoption tickers
  • I completely agree. We just started our adoption journey and this board has been a wealth of information and support! Big Smile
    :::FOLLOW MY HALF MARATHON TRAINING:::

    :::Our Adoption Journey:::

    Evan James was born 1/24/13 and matched with us 2/20/13. The LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!
  • Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has lurked and/or posted. Your words and thoughts are so reassuring when our lives are so up in the air while waiting. The fact that you all are so supportive, even when lurking, gives me the strength to continue the wait.

    The fact that you are posting your support is inspiring to me. You will never know how much it means to have people cheer you on during this journey....even if those people are ones you will never meet in person.

    This posting was EXACTLY what I needed today!

    Cervical Cancer Survivor since 2007 TTC Since 2008 IUI#1 = BFN IUI#2 = BFN IUI#3 = BFN IUI#4 = BFN IVF #1 = BFN FET #1 = BFN FET #2 = BFN FET #3 = BFN IVF #2 = BFN IVF #3 = BFN FET #4 = BFN FET #5 = BFP!!! 06/10/2011 Miscarriage 06/21/2011 Adoption Application Submitted 09/2011, Personal Documents Submitted 11/18/2011, Home Visit 12/16/2011, Officially Waiting!!! 01/21/2013 MATCHED!!!! 01/24/2013 Baby Boy Born! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I have been lurking for years and have empathized and rejoiced in the stories of all the women who post here.  I started lurking when we originally started to seriously think about pursuing adoption and just never left.  When I started my journey to become a parent, we had several unexplained losses and then subsequent infertility.  I mourned my losses but identified that I wanted to be a parent and that being a biological parent really didn't matter to me.  DH felt horribly about our losses and agreed to pursue adoption after giving it one more go at getting and staying pregnant.  We attended a meeting at an adoption agency and walked away feeling even more confident in pursuing adoption.  We did give it one more chance at having a biological child under the care of an RE and were successful in having our first biological child.  Even though our issues remain unexplained, we are treated with various medications that have helped us have one more daughter and hopefully another healthy baby soon.  

    I admire all the women on here and truly hope that you all are able to bring home your forever children one day.  

    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers mc #1 2/17/06 mc#2 8/3/06 mc #3 9/7/09
  • I lurk for knowledge. Our son wAs born with CF and our chances of having another child with cf are 1 in 4. We decided that having any more bio children would be risky and irresponsible. We talk about adoption almost daily in our house but it seems so  out of our reach financially. With Calvin medical needs it would be hard for us to pay lawyers and fees and all the cost that come with adoption but we don't feel like our family is complete yet. Your stories inspire me and give me hope that this can happen for is someday. 

  • Please pardon my awful phone typing skills.
  • imagelafayettegirl:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has lurked and/or posted. Your words and thoughts are so reassuring when our lives are so up in the air while waiting. The fact that you all are so supportive, even when lurking, gives me the strength to continue the wait.

    The fact that you are posting your support is inspiring to me. You will never know how much it means to have people cheer you on during this journey....even if those people are ones you will never meet in person.

    This posting was EXACTLY what I needed today!

    Ditto this.  It takes a lot some days to feel positive and upbeat about waiting.  Thank you all for your encouragement, and for sharing YOUR stories!

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