WWYD? Opinions please

kimbo1216 · April 2012

Should I invite my cousin to Audrey's bday party even though we were not invited to his wedding in March? We are inviting our whole family and all of our good friends. It's just going to be a fun back yard bbq.

Background:

This cousin (first cousin, not second+) got married in March. He did not invite any of the first cousins, uncles or aunts that live nearby and get together multiple times per year. Not even my parents who offered their house for his high school graduation party a few years ago. Now, this was not a particularly huge wedding, but it wasn't small either. I was told they invited 80 people. My wedding had 125 and we invited everyone on my side of the family that lives in state, plus friends, and all DH's family and friends. I made a point to include the cousins in my wedding. The girls were (jr) bridesmaids, and the boys were ushers. He was an usher. Now, this was 5 years ago, but it still hurts to not be invited to his wedding. It's not like we grew up never seeing each other and barely being able to recognize one another.

Anyway...am I being petty if I don't invite him and his new wife? WWYD?

chuicafina · April 2012

I understand feeling a bit hurt about not being invited to your cousin's wedding, especially if you grew up near each other. I would have felt the same way. In fact, I'm really surprised that even the aunts and uncles weren't invited. That being said, I also understand how tough it can be to decide on your wedding guest list and how expensive weddings can be. Also, given that your cousin is a guy, it's possible that he didn't have a lot of involvement in the wedding planning, or maybe he didn't have a strong opinion about the guest list on his side (I know not all guys are like this, but some are, my DH included).

I guess what I'm saying is, if you want to have a relationship with this cousin in the future, I'd invite him and his new wife. Especially since it sounds like you're inviting your whole family. Just my opinion, though.

hepcats · April 2012

I wouldn't say that you are being petty but I would say that it's a battle best saved for something else or something worse lol, if that makes any sense. I dislike much of my family (except my parents) and would have preferred to not invite any of them to my wedding, but it wasn't worth the fight. And that was my wedding, not a birthday.

justme04 · April 2012

It is entirely possible that the bride and her family told him this is how many invites you get....and the rest were all their family and friends. I've seen brides and their families who have said if they're footing the bill they only want people they know there.

I wasn't this type of bride (then again we planned a wedding called it off and eloped because I would have been very pregnant at my wedding...we had a reception though) but a friend of mine was. Only her finace's parents and grand-parents were invited. And besides his best man and brother the rest of the groomsmen were her family and there were 10 all together and his two sisters made it into the bridal party!

I don't think you should hold it against him...it might have been beyond his control. Now I have cousin's who are complete a$$holes and have always treated me like cr@p but to keep the peace I still invite them to things....not that they show up thank goodness!

kimbo1216 · April 2012

I guess what hurt the most is that it didn't feel he had a good excuse. He told my dad that her parents were paying for it and she had a big family. Um. So do you dude. My uncle tends to be frugal (not poor, frugal) and my cousin lives rent free on my uncle's land and has a job. Are you really telling me that neither one of you could step up and pay for the venue's upgrade to have more guests? Or that your friends are more important than having family there?

Idk. I want to be the bigger person here, but this is one of those times where I just don't feel like it. I very much want to take the attitude of if he doesn't care, then why should I. kwim?

kimbo1216 · April 2012

justme04:
It is entirely possible that the bride and her family told him this is how many invites you get....and the rest were all their family and friends. I've seen brides and their families who have said if they're footing the bill they only want people they know there.

To me, this is not an excuse. That's when you step up and chip in. At our wedding, we thought we were only having 100ish people. At the last minute, we had a few people rsvp and MIL said she invited a bunch her friends who were all coming. FIL stepped up and said nbd because he will pay to upgrade our package. This is what I think my cousin/uncle should have done.

amberpro · April 2012

I say invite him, then if they come ask all kinds of questions (happily, of course) about their recent wedding

. Then you're the bigger person, were perfectly sweet about the whole thing, and made him the teesiest bit uncomfortable.

kimbo1216 · April 2012

amberpro:
I say invite him, then if they come ask all kinds of questions (happily, of course) about their recent wedding . Then you're the bigger person, were perfectly sweet about the whole thing, and made him the teensiest bit uncomfortable.

Bahahahaha. This is definitely your style.

Y'all are probably right. boo. Stick out tongue

Does anyone beside me ever get tired of being the bigger person? lol

hepcats · April 2012

YES! But I'm like amberpro a lot of the times, so perhaps I shouldn't be tired of it if I'm not doing it that often. lol

justme04 · April 2012

kimbo1216:

amberpro:
I say invite him, then if they come ask all kinds of questions (happily, of course) about their recent wedding . Then you're the bigger person, were perfectly sweet about the whole thing, and made him the teensiest bit uncomfortable.

Bahahahaha. This is definitely your style.

Y'all are probably right. boo.

Does anyone beside me ever get tired of being the bigger person? lol

I know I do. Those cousin's I mentioned in my posts. I wouldn't mind if I never saw them or heard from them again. I forgot to mention that the daughter of my cousin who is the biggest B I've ever meet...and I don't get along we her daughter (who is 2 years younger then me) either, well she called and asked me if I'd mind (because she heard we were looking for a new apartment...downgrading so we could afford to buy a house in a year or two) and asked if I'd mind either keeping our current apartment or looking for another 3 bedroom apartment so she can stay with us next fall to do her internship.

It took all I had in me not to laugh in her face!

amberpro · April 2012

kimbo1216:
amberpro:
I say invite him, then if they come ask all kinds of questions (happily, of course) about their recent wedding . Then you're the bigger person, were perfectly sweet about the whole thing, and made him the teensiest bit uncomfortable.
Bahahahaha. This is definitely your style.

Y'all are probably right. boo.
Does anyone beside me ever get tired of being the bigger person? lol

Yea, it is, right? Lol

I totally get tired of being the bigger person sometimes. Sometimes I want to be as petty and jealous as a high school drama queen, but then I feel insanely guilty at the thought and end up doing the right thing.

MrsPBNJ0220 · April 2012

I don't think you are being petty but I also can tell you first hand I did the same thing with my wedding. Granted we had 60 people at our wedding and no Aunt's Uncle's, or Cousin's were invited. I am semi close to them.

I would invite him if I were you, I feel like Weddings are totally different than Birthday's. A wedding can be very expensive and unfortunately you not only have to worry about your side of the family you have to worry about your soon to be husband/wife side of the family as well and the guest can really add up. Unfortunately when you figure cost sometimes, and often times people are going to be bumped.

Birthday's on the other hand if it is a relaxed BBQ I think you should try and invite anyone who "you" want there. Now if you don't want him there, just because it really does upset you a ton, then it should not hurt his feelings not to be invited. Now if he is the only one you would not invite out of the entire family, I would not do that personally.

ETA: Our wedding was very different though, we were paying for all of it, then my family decided to chip in when it got larger than we had planned, people got invited that we did not even invite, that DH had not seen for years. We eventually put our foot down and did not allow anyone else to be invited. I personally would invite my friends that I felt close to, assuming I feel closer to them, before family got invited. I personally don't think family should get an automatic invite over a friend that is closer to me.

I had to add, it sounds to me like maybe she was giving him crap wanting her family invited over his, and maybe he felt it was a battle not worth fighting. I hate to say it like that because I am sure you are very very worth it ;-) Just saying maybe that's what it was, right or wrong.

MommaA117 · April 2012

kimbo1216:
justme04:
It is entirely possible that the bride and her family told him this is how many invites you get....and the rest were all their family and friends. I've seen brides and their families who have said if they're footing the bill they only want people they know there.
To me, this is not an excuse. That's when you step up and chip in. At our wedding, we thought we were only having 100ish people. At the last minute, we had a few people rsvp and MIL said she invited a bunch her friends who were all coming. FIL stepped up and said nbd because he will pay to upgrade our package. This is what I think my cousin/uncle should have done.

What if he didn't want a big wedding and it was all for her...hence her family paying and him not wanting to pay the additional money for family. It could have just not been a big deal to him. Weddings are so expensive.....per person. I would invite him . It really isn't the same because inviting him wont cost you anything. I know it's the principal but still.

CarlaAndJames · April 2012

I'm with Amber on this one!

JuneBugsMommy · April 2012

If you're inviting everyone then you need to invite him and his wife... but I wouldn't want to.

Magenta728 · April 2012

amberpro:
I say invite him, then if they come ask all kinds of questions (happily, of course) about their recent wedding . Then you're the bigger person, were perfectly sweet about the whole thing, and made him the teesiest bit uncomfortable.

Yes

chloephoebecali · April 2012

I would invite them.

Kymbirleigh · April 2012

My BIL's wife pulled that stunt... Actually... A little worse... The only people from MH's family that were invited were the siblings, parents, and grandparents... Since her parents were paying for the majority of it...most of the people on the guest list were clients of my SIL's parents... Indifferent His aunts and uncles weren't invited... but being the way his family is, they showed up anyway and didn't care what they said. Big Smile

I'd just be the bigger person and invite them... Family is family, even if they do shady things sometimes. I struggle with inviting some of my family to events because 75% of the time they "already have other plans."

Besides... WWYD if something tragic happened and you hadn't invited them to something they may have attended? How would you feel then?

Want a personalized experience?

WWYD? Opinions please

Re: WWYD? Opinions please

Choose Another Board

Search Boards