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Blended Families
Nineoceans
member
How many of us grew up in blended families?
Nineoceans
member
I was just curious after reading the last several posts. It seems like some of the step moms are extremely averse to divorce and I wonder if it was because they were a child of divorce. I also wonder if we chose this more challenging path in life because it was familiar to us 
My parents divorced when I was two and my dad remarried when I was 2.5 
my mom never did. How about you guys?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How many of us grew up in blended families?
My parents separated when I was 21 (married for 25 years) and are now divorced. My dad had been having an affair for some time and finally confessed, left my mom and married my now SM.
My mom is not remarried and has had quite a few 'boy friends' and brought a few non desirables around. She is 55 years old but dresses like she is 21 and goes out to bars etc.
I get along fine with my SM BUT I am not comfortable in their house. My SM is very opinionated and she and my dad argue constantly. If my dad says the sky is blue my SM will argue him down until he admits it is blue with white clouds and hints of grey. They also drink a lot of wine.
My DH and my brother GF think they are hilarious and love to mimic my SM, my brother and I not so much.
Dysfunction city!
I grew up with just my mom. I got a stepdad just before I turned 21.
ETA: I do think it influenced where I am today. I do not think I would be with my DH if he hadn't already been a father. I love him for who he is, but I love him ten times more because he's a great dad. That was the hook for me.
ETA,A: I do think I often project my situation onto others when we post. In j+k's situation, it's possible I'm giving her dh more credit than he's due because I'm viewing him as being like my dh, who would do anything to help his kids. I see that as being DH's greatest attribute, instead of a flaw.
I grew up in a BF.
My parents divorced when I was a toddler. My dad married my SM when I was 5 or 6. SM had a son from her 1st marriage. SM had a DD which I grew up with as my half sister. When I was in high school we found out (due to a medical condition) she was not my dads bio child. We are still sisters. They are still married.
My mom never remarried by had two long term relationships. The 1st was a drunk. The 2nd wanted to be my dad (I was 17 at this point).
All the things I typed bug me by my parents getting divorced never did. They are so different. IDK how they got married in the first place. My SM was really good to me as a kid and I think that does influence how I treat my SKs.
my parents are still married. not very happily. I have a brother who is 8 yrs younger than me, so he is still in high school. We all joke that once he goes off to college my parents will divorce.. we will see in a few yrs I guess
I'm a SM to a 5 yr old girl. BM is a peice of work and her and DH never even loved each other, they got pregnant very early in their relationship and tried to do the right thing for their child by getting married. it ended poorly and is a very difficult situation for all of us right now.
My parents divorced when I was 1. My mom has had two long term boyfriends and my dad remarried when I was 8. I lived with my dad and my EVIL step mom. I've lived on my own for 6 years and I've gone back home once...for like five minutes.
I said I would never marry a man with kids. HA boy was I wrong. DH has two with two BM's and has full custody of one. But NEVER agian!
My parents divorced when I was 10. My Mom and Dad both remarried and were each widowed. My Dad remarried again and has been married for 20 years. My Mom passed away last year. She was amazing.
ETA: DH's parents have been married almost 45 years. They were each other's first date in high school and are still happily married. Truly happy.
My parents have been happily (for the most part) married for 28 years and have five kids. DH's parents divorced when he was 3-4 years old. MIL remarried a couple years later and is still (unhappily) married to SFIL. FIL got remarried, divorced, and married again (to someone else). He's currently still married to SMIL2 but though they hang out all the time, they live an hour away from each other. We see all of them so our kids have LOTS of grandparents!
About a year before dating DH, I briefly dated a guy with a 6yo daughter. He and I never got very serious and I only spent time with his daughter a couple times, so no bond was created. While dating him, I never expected it to get serious, and I think a big reason for that was his being a dad already. I'm not really sure what changed in my head, because I knew DH was a father to two when we started dating. But we hit it off right away and I fell in love with him and the kids quickly. My parents are very against divorce though, and were very cautious of our relationship. I acutally just posted the other day about stuff my mom said. (we worked it out, she even talked to DH about it) I think it'll just take time for people to accept us. So no, I'm not from a BF. I just know that I'm where I'm supposed to be and even when it gets really, really hard, I know DH loves me and I'm being a good example to the kids.
My parents seperated when I was 13 (the divorce took 6 years). My Father married the woman he was having an affair with (they were married for 15 years) and is now divorced twice and living with his girlfriend. My mother never re-married, as a matter of fact - she never even dated again. That is 25 years of my Mom not dating!!!!
My parents do not speak to each other - and even though it has been 25 years - they still hate each other. My Step-Mom was not very nice to me or my siblings and I have not spoken to her since my Dad divorced her.
I ended up with a man with a child more due to my age than a desire to be in a blended family. By the time I was ready to think about settling down - I was in my 30's and most men my age had children and plenty of baggage!
However, I can say that I am completely against divorce - and my view on that is a direct reflection of my childhood and my experiences through life. Although, I try not to push my views on other people (I would never tell someone else not to dicvorce).
My parents divorced when I was ten. My dad remarried less than a year later and is still happily married today. My mom hasn't had so much as a date.
ETA: I don't think my childhood influenced my decision to marry a man with kids, but it has influenced the decisions I have made in this situation.
DH's parents are still married, but they've threatened divorce a couple times... All of his siblings are on their 2+ marriage.
My parents divorced wen I was in college. My mother came home early from work one day to find my dad packing a bag. He was remarried (to the other woman) within 6 months and didn't bother to tell my sister and I until after the fact. I've tried to have a relationship with both of them but she continued to insult my mother and her family over and over until I finally had enough. My dad never stood up for me and I cut ties. He has never met his grandson.
I think my relationship with my father & SM has a lot to do with my choices in life. When I met DH he was raising SS all by himself. My father had never been a hands on parent and DH was the type of man that I wanted to be my childrens' dad. As for my SM, well she inspires me to be a better person. I would never want SS to look at me the way that i look at her. Luckily for SS I'm a pretty cool SM & luckily for me he's a pretty cool kid.
My mom and BD divorced when I was 2. My mom re-married when I was 4 years old and that man adopted me as his own child. I'm beyond grateful to have two parents who love each other dearly, and a BD who was willing to leave my life so I could have a normal childhood/upbringing.
Oh boy. I have a crap load of parents. My mother and father separated when I was 2. They never divorced. My mother met my dad when I was 9. My father I don't believe ever dated again and passed away when I was 11. My mom and my dad (K) had my sister and then split when I was 15. My mom started dating a friend (D) later that year and dated for three or four years then split. She then married another woman (S).
My dad is currently engaged (to E).
So my father is gone, and I have 3 'moms' and 2 'dads' still. K is still my dad, D is a good friend to both my sister and I, S is the best mom anyone could ever hope for possibly even over my mother, and E and I get along for the most part but aren't close.
Like J&A, the fact that my DH was an amazing father was one of the things that drew me to him in the first place. The fact that he already had kids has been a trial at best, but I may never have looked twice at him otherwise.
My parents are still sort of married. They were together until I was 16. Now they live seperatly but everything is still joint, my mom refuses to work, and my dad pays for everything. They don't seem to have plans for a divorce and never became legally seperated. My dad has had a girlfriend for around 8 years that my mom doesn't know about. She really has no idea. The girlfriend was just a friend in a group of friends for years. I didn't know she was his girlfriend until she had been for a few years. The whole situation is really strange and I don't understand why my dad is ok with this but it's none of my business so I stay out of it. He has always made sure that him having a girlfriend that my mom doesn't know about never complicates things in my life.
I don't think divorce is bad. What leads to divorce is bad but IME the divorce itself can make things better for everyone involved.
I didn't make the choice to be a stepmom because it was familiar to me. I made it because it was easier. I was a mom before I met DH. I had BF drama. Dealing with the police and custody issues had become my norm. I wanted to be with somone who had kids and had delt with some of this themself. I didn't expect someone without kids to uderstand and the guys I dated without kids didn't. I also wanted to marry somone who had kids so I could see what kind of parent they actually were before I had kids with them.
My parents were married for 57 years until my father died mid last year.
They had a great marriage - not perfect but there was a lot of love. My dad's health affected his personality. He got very bitter and was feeling terrible over his last few months and this affected their day to day living. He was the rock and he was the one that held the marriage together. I finally realized what committed meant after he died. He chose to be with her for all his life - she was a handful.
Regarding divorce - I have contemplated it several times in my marriage, and I do feel there are deal breakers. If the marriage is one sided, then I do think one should cut ones loses. I know you're not supposed to feel happy all the time, etc.. however if you're feeling miserable all the time then something is wrong and you should do something about it.
my parents have been married 40 years. I found out not long ago that my dad cheated on my mom after they had been married about 3 or 4 years. They had not had children yet but they stuck it out. They are very happy together and are best friends.
My dh's parents divorced at a young age and he has (had) an abusive sd and a bd that came in and out of his life. He has many issues from this. He tries hard to be a better father and step father but sometimes I see things from his childhood come out.
I'm from a very blended family. My mom has been married 5 times, twice to one man and had a child with each of marriages except the most recent. My BF briefly remarried but has not even dated otherwise. Each of my mom's ExH remarried. I have a relationship with each father - except my own - and their wife.
DH's parents are still together. It's funny because I'm OK with having step-children but DH would never date a girl with children. I think that's where our acceptance of blended families come into play.
My parents were on and off for years while I was growing up. Then they finally divorced when I was around 10. Neither of them remarried until me and my sister adults. My dad married when I was 18 and my mom married when I was 26.
My parents divorced when I was 5 almost 6. Mom remarried 3 weeks before I turned 7 and was married to step-dad for 20 years when he passed away from cancer. Dad remarried when I was 14 and is still married. Both step parents have children that I consider real siblings. I do have 1 bio sister from my parents but honestly all of them are my "real" siblings. My parents get along amazingly well. It has really helped my mom deal with the death of my step dad. My mom and step mom are best friends and call each other wife-in-law.
People find it very strange how close my family is and DH tells me all the time we won't be like that with BM but I think once SD is older and all the drama of swithing days, who pays for what, etc is gone we will all be able to get along better. I think having a step mom has helped me understand some things better now that I am a step mom. She is someone I can go to for advice because she has been there.
My parents are still married... well they divorced 6 years ago and married each other again 2 years later. But they're very happy together now.
So our blended family is very new and strange to them, but I love that they're trying hard to embrace it.
My parents have been happily married for 35 years. Their relationship wouldn't work for me, but it works for them.
My first marriage ending took me by surprise. My XH just decided he was done. He refused counseling, and he was having an affair. I didn't see anything worth salvaging, so I took my kiddo and left. I never would have initiated a split.
Meeting DH was also kind of unexpected. We had been acquaintances for awhile, then friends for about a year. I realized I kind of liked him, and told him so. It took him 6 weeks or so to tell me he liked me too. Then within a month or so, we realized this was it. Before we got married, I told him I was never getting divorced again. Obviously I get that things could happen, but I would move mountains to fight for the marriage. And I truly believe he would do the same.
I''m from a blended family however I'm "the baby" so my parents are still married (37 years now). My dad was married 2x before my mom and he had 1 child with each wife (my oldest sister and brother). My mom was married 1x before and my other sister is the product of a relationship between her 2 marriages.
All my siblings are technically half-siblings and they are all technically step-to each other, but we don't use "half" or "step" in my family. My blended family 100% impacts my perception and how I am in my own blended family. Family is family, whether you married into it, were born into it, or adopted into it.
TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!
My parents got divorced when I was 5-ish.
Dad remarried SM (who had a 16yo - who isn't in my life due to the fact that he sexually molested me when I was 6ish) when I was 8ish.
Mom never remarried BUT has a boyfriend now of 7 years (he has no kids).
*Loved* SM growing up, she/Dad and I now have a strained relationship due to the fact that her bio daughter (whom she gave up, found again when I was 18) and I do not get along.
Resisted Mom's BF at first, now he is *awesome.*
My parents have been married for 34 years - though they've had many ups and downs. This is my 2nd marriage and I feel very strongly that it will be my last...I look at it much differently now and feel so much differently about my H now than in the 1st.
It's H's 2nd marriage too, and he feels the same way I do when it comes to comparing the two.
I'll throw my hat in, even though I'm not a SM.
Well, honestly? I'm a PROponent of divorce. Some people should have never, ever gotten married and to be honest have no business being married. No one wants to see you fight like crazy and be miserable, especially since that affects the people around you, too. Divorce is a good idea, and there is no shame in admitting that you may need to get one.
Granted, my parents were ones of those couples you want to shake by the shoulders and yell, "what were you thinking!?" They were only married about two years, from when I was five to seven, but I was so relieved when they separated! Both my parents ended up marrying people much, much better for them. I even got a lovely little half sister and step brother out of it, too!
EDIT: Also, as terrible as this is, I simply don't believe in the "sanctity" of marriage. You need more than a sense of duty to keep going in a relationship, and to be perfectly honest, you are doing everyone else a favor by getting out of that marriage if it truly has no signs of getting better.
My parents have been married for 42 years. I think I may have been one of the first to ever get divorced (lucky me).
My DH's parents divorced when he was in elementary school. Both remarried within a few years. I think my S-FIL is amazing (I refer to him as my FIL). I think his influence was very positive (although probably not prefered) when my DH was growing up. DH's father and SM are nice people but not involved. She never had kids and didn't embrace the "kid thing." (note: I don't have my own children either but we have SSs full time).
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
I grew up in a blended family, so it really is all I know. My mother has been married 3 times and has been threatened by me and my two siblings to NEVER get married again. My mother never had children with her other husbands. My father is common law married to my SM, and has been for the past 25 years...they actually started dating in the midst of my parents separation/divorce. She doesn't have children of her own, nor did she ever have any with my father.
My 6 year old daughter is now living in a blended family. Her BD and I never got married due to verbal and physical abuse issues. My DH aka her SD is the best thing that has ever happened to us. He's been in her life since she was 1.5 years old, and she calls him daddy. Of course her BD doesn't like that, but she feels comfortable calling him by the role he plays in her life. Even with all the hardships I've been through in life, I wouldn't change my decisions for the world. I think its made me appreciate relationships more and also learn some valuable hard knock life lessons.