Are you a planner?

biomaj5 · April 2012

I really feel more comfortable having a plan for the future. This is why I have a spreadsheet with 5 tabs in it planning out our payment schedule for the credit cards. DH is not a planner-he doesn't like to look ahead. I really don't understand this mentality, but he said something about how every time he plans something, it doesn't work out. Anyway, we want to buy a house within the next 2 years. I've been trying to figure out how much of a down payment we'd need, approximately how long it would take us to save up that amount, how much house we could afford, what features I want in a house, what school districts we'd like, how long we'd live there, etc etc. I can't even really get DH to discuss it with me. I'm not saying that we need to have concrete plans, but I really don't see the problem with having a loose plan and thinking about what we'd want in a house. Is it cart before horse? Probably, but while I am window-shopping for homes, I know that none of what I see now is actually going to be available when we're in the market. For me, dreaming of our future home (filled with kids... but I can't really get him to discuss that either) is motivational and it helps me keep going when I'm tired of working 70 hrs per week and not having much down time.

So, are you a planner, or are you afraid something will go wrong if you map out the future too much?

(I wanted to post this a few hours ago, but I fell asleep lol)

ColoradoJess · April 2012

I plan with flexibility. I definitely need to have a roadmap of where I'm going and how to get there, but I don't plan it with such specificity or detail that I get upset if something goes awry - because let's face it, things NEVER entirely go the way we plan, lol.

I'm really goal-oriented, so I definitely need something I'm working toward, and one of my character traits is strategic thinking, which results in a plan on how to get to that goal.

gogadgetgo · April 2012

Bio, you sound more like DH. He loves a good plan. He's always been the one to do spreadsheets for stuff like budgets.

I'm more of a go with the flow type, but I need to discuss and explore all options. I hate not knowing what I'm getting myself into. If I have the information, then I can make an informed decision.

There's not a whole lot of spontaneity in our house

biomaj5 · April 2012

I can't handle spontaneity. If my routine is upset, I freak out and feel like I'm losing control. That's probably an issue I should work on, along with my IRL social skill deficiencies. I'm a shy kid who usually says things in the wrong way, unless you've given me caffeine, in which case I just won't shut up.

cowgirltu · April 2012

I am a planner. I need to have a good idea of how we are going to accomplish whatever. It can cause tension with me and DH because he is more go with the flow than I am.

ks3pink · April 2012

I am a HUGE planner! I also hate last minute events. I don't even like to go get food on a last minute decision. Yeah, I'm weird.

ellephunt · April 2012

I need to have a "plan" or I start to get really anxious. I don't need concrete details just we plan to do this in a couple of years is fine. Same goes for day to day plans. If DH springs something up on me I feel frazzled.

Kristinmo · April 2012

I'm just like you, excel spreadsheets and all. DH likes to wait until things are a lot closer to discuss. Fortunately, I have a friend like me who likes to talk about pros and cons of various houses, cars, vacations, etc which won't happen for years. That fulfills my need to dream.

bumpuser794640 · April 2012

I love to plan. I don't even care if my plans work out the way I envisioned them most of the time, because reality generally tends to be better than my dreams anyway.

One way you can look at your situation: you do the dreaming and pre-planning so when it's time to actually sit down and make decisions, you'll be way ahead of the game on research and ultimately make your decisions faster. I think that's how things tend to work out at my house. DH doesn't like to discuss things *too* far in advance, so that leaves me to think and research and plan, and then we can clarify things when the time comes.

kelle017 · April 2012

ellephunt:
I need to have a "plan" or I start to get really anxious. I don't need concrete details just we plan to do this in a couple of years is fine. Same goes for day to day plans. If DH springs something up on me I feel frazzled.

This is me too.

MAdams728 · April 2012

I'm somewhere in the middle. I dont go as far as spreadsheets and lists, but I like to have a fairly clear idea of what we are doing, when, and how. I like schedules and routine, I'm not big on spur of the moment decisions. I'm also organized and feel like exploding if I wake up and the house is not clean.

I also like sleep. Combine these things, and I'm worried about how I will actually handle a kid Indifferent

ashdonne · April 2012

I don't go as far as spreadsheets for everything but I do like a clear idea of what's going on at all times. I LOVE calendars and having things scheduled ahead of time. I wish I was a bit more flexible as I have a tough time when someone throws a "wrench" in my plans. But I do handle all our finances etc.

DH is what I call a dreamer while I am more practical. He has big ideas but no thought process on how to accomplish which sometimes drives me crazy!

I think its good to have a balance between yourself and DH---frustrating I know but life would not be very interesting if we all thought exactly alike! Definately a smart move to plan for those big decisions---good for you.

ashdonne · April 2012

Also---sometimes my DH is weird about talking about future plans with me too. He says I want to talk things to death----like TTC. It can be frustrating at times because when we were deciding when we wanted to start TTC he was reluctant to talk about it so I interpreted that as that maybe he didn't want to have another baby---which would be a big issue. So finally I had to sit down with him and explain how he was making me feel by not wanting to talk about it and once I did that he was able to say that he actually did want to have a baby and was ready to start trying but he just felt that we didn't need to talk about it everyday because he just wanted to let it happen. He doesn't like to know all the details or anything because he likes things to be "more natural" whatever that means. He didn't have opinions on whether we should use an OPK or just do charting etc---he was confident in me taking care of those aspects.

So my point is that maybe your DH is confident in you handling more of the details and mechanics of the home-buying situation and since its still a bit in the future doesn't think he has any input to offer at this point. I do think that you need to make sure you are on the same page but maybe he doesn't need to weigh in on every decision since you are typically the one who handles those things.

When we bought our house the only thing DH was really vocal about was what school district we were in and that it had a shed in the backyard. LOL the things guys think about!

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