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Should I contact the mother of his other child???
Hey everyone, I'm 3 months pregnant with my 1st child and I'm already a single mother. The father of my child has basically shown that he wants nothing to do with us and I'm somewhat fine with that. However, he does have a 2 year old daughter and it just hit me that my child will already have a older sibling, Its been weighing heavily on me on whether I should contact the mother of his daughter since I want the kids to know each other. I've never met or spoken to her but I know her story. She went through the same exact situation with him that I'm going through now. He's active in the girls life but not as much as he should be. I feel as though she's a pretty mature person but I do think that she has some resentment towards me since she feels as though he abandoned his daughter for me. Do you guys think I should contact her? If so, should I do it now or later? Thanx
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Re: Should I contact the mother of his other child???
If I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way that you do. However, being that my ex also abandoned our DD, I can say that I would be supremely pissed if he fathered another kid now, and I probably would feel a bit of resentment toward the mom. "What makes THEM so special?" and such.
Honestly, the only way you're going to find out what she feels is to contact her. If she wants to have nothing to do with you, then fine. At least you can say that you tried to connect your kid with his or her sibling. And you can even just let her know that the door is open if she ever wants to connect. You two are in the same situation, and who knows? She may come around and warm up to having someone around who understands.
I would say no. she will eventually find out about your baby and can reach out to you if/when she wants. I dont think it would be best to bombard her with your pregnancy right away
best of luck
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Good point, I wish I'd thought of that before replying.
I am in the same situation. Although my little one's sister is 6. I did contact his daughter's mother because I too wanted LO to know it's sister. She was a little shocked because my ex hadn't told her that we had broken up let alone that I was pregnant. She was very understanding and wants her daughter to know it's sibling when he or she gets here. I wanted to wait till after I found out what the sex was but he was getting more verbally abusive with me and I wanted her to know my side of the story before he made up one. I actually hear from her on a regular basis now checking on the status of the baby and how her daughter is doing. It's nice.
I hope that you can establish some sort of a bond with her even if only for the children's sake. My mother did it with my father's second wife for me so I knew my siblings. Sometimes it's not about us but what is best for our children. I hope that she can come to terms with that and realize that for her daughter.
That sounds a lot like the situation with my STBXH. He has a 4 1/2 year old daughter from before he met me.
He and the little girls mom don't get along very well due to the way he treats the mom, and how hes so flaky around his daughter. It wasn't till after he and I got married that I realized all the things he did the the other mom.
Honestly, right now you need to focus on how your going to manage all being a single mom. I know its hard to not contact her and try to make it possible for the children to have a relationship. While that is very important, and I think you need to pursue it later down the road, I think you need to worry more about you and your baby right now.
Its hard because our first instinct as mothers (even soon to be moms) is to create a family for our little ones, you cant get anything accomplished if you haven't gotten your situation sorted out. Plus if the babies father catches wind of you getting a hold of the other mother it may hinder how he cooperates with you on what he needs to do with your baby. Thats my reasoning for waiting to get ahold of the other mother.
So coming from the point of view of the single mom with the older of the two half-siblings, I'll tell you I was majorly POed, when I found out he had gotten his current girlfriend pregnant.
My DS was 2 yrs old and BD wasn't involved in his life at all. He paid his child support (at that time), but that was all. He had never visited, sent a card/letter, or given any bday/x-mas presents, nothing. He blames me for his lack of involvement, even though I had encouraged visits, etc.
So, when I found out he was having another child, I felt completely betrayed and like he was trying to replace our son with another child (somewhat irrational, I know) and I didn't want to speak to him or the mother-to-be.
They, of course, have since split up, but I still have no desire to be in contact with her or her son. When my son is older and I feel he's ready, he'll learn about his BD and that he has a half-brother. At that point, if he wants to meet him and they want to get to know each other, then that's fine, but right now we have a very stable home-life and I don't want to confuse him.
So just tread carefully, if you decide to contact her and try not to take things too personally, if she doesn't feel the same as you.
I made it past my goal I nursed for 1 year and 6 weeks! Im so proud of myself!
Im in that same situation as you are...Instead of contacting the other mother...I was able to find his mother on facebook and I infomred her of my situation. I would work on informing his family first, because even if he doesn't want any contact with your child, they may feel the opposite way.
As far as my situatution, the other mother got into contact with me and at first was very rude... But after discovering that I was no longer interested in him...we became a little close.... my family told me to beware because they are very decitful...just take your time...