NBR but WWYD?? Ex-BF's mom's funeral
BLuvsE
member
My HS sweetheart's (not my DH and he's in a committed relationship now) mom just died. The funeral is this weekend and I'm trying to decide whether I want to go.
Reasons to go -
It would mean a lot to him. We don't talk much lately, but we have always touched base with each other for major life events (when I got married, when his gf broke off an engagement, etc). We didn't really end on bad terms.
I feel like I would feel really bad if I missed. His best friend's (also was a good friend of mine when we dated) mom died earlier this year (crazy right?) and I didn't go to that funeral. I felt terrible for missing it.
I think it would mean a lot to his sister too.
Reasons not to go -
His family hates me. They hated me when we were dating. His grandmother used to invite me over for dinner then comment on how much I ate. They also used to think it was hilarious to buy me 'gifts' with elephants on them because apparently I eat a lot. I was 5'5" and weighed 120lb at the time. Developed an eating disorder because of those wonderful people. I also ran into them at a wedding once (he wasn't with them) and they were pretty hateful there, too. So I think going would just incite more hate...like "What is SHE doing here??"
I don't want to be an AW. It will have been a while since we saw each other, and I want him to be able to focus on his family, not seeing me - all knocked up and married to someone else.
Another really good friend's wedding is the same day, and I don't want to miss it either.
So I keep going back and forth...WWYD??
First Child born
5/5/14 and 6/5/14
11/14
Chemical Pregnancy
9/5/15
Second after severe bleeding for 18 weeks due to subchorionic hematoma
Expecting Number 3 due 10/31/2020
Re: NBR but WWYD?? Ex-BF's mom's funeral
First Child born
5/5/14 and 6/5/14
11/14
Chemical Pregnancy
9/5/15
Second after severe bleeding for 18 weeks due to subchorionic hematoma
Expecting Number 3 due 10/31/2020
Hmm. Personally, if my HS sweetheart's mother died, I'd go to the viewing to pay my respects and be there for him but probably not the actual funeral. We're still pretty close and I'd really consider him my high school best friend more than a "first love" or anything like that at this stage in my life, you know?
Is that an option? To just do a quick stop at the viewing to pay your respects and then leave? You don't have to mention being PG or anything, just that you're sorry for his loss and thinking of him.
DS Nathan 12/4/12
BFP: 3/31/15 EDD: 12/4/15
MC: 7/2011, 12/2011
If it were me, I wouldn't go. I would send flowers or a sympathy card.
At first I thought - of course you should go! But after reading about the family.... perhaps not. I went to my ex-BF's dad's funeral a few years after we broke up. I went for me and for his family (unlike your ex's family my ex's family was nice). I also needed ex to know that even though we weren't together anymore (he cheated) I still cared about what happened to him.
Can you go to just the visitation for a few minutes? Perhaps catch him and give your condolences to him and his sister and then get out?
My ex's family handled me being there really well. I had called his sister before hand so she knew I would be there. The only negative reaction I got was from his aunt and it was ":::GASP::: Todd's ex-gf is here :::GASP:::" I just ignored it and walked straight up to his mom to give her a hug. She promptly told me how much it meant to her that I would take the time to be there. Oh and while we were dating this was the same woman who called me Lisa (my name is Melissa).
At the very least I would make a point to either have lunch or coffee with the ex (as long as hubby is cool with that) to make sure he knows that you are thinking about him. It sounds like you may need that closure and to let him know that you still care about him as a person.
This. How does DH feel about it?
I think this is what I'm going to do. DH doesn't care either way other than the fact that I think he prefers weddings to funerals. However, if we go to the funeral he doesn't have to drive 8 hours in one day like he would have to do for the wedding. Soo....I think he has no preference. He certainly isn't bothered by me keeping in touch with my ex, especially for something like this.
First Child born
5/5/14 and 6/5/14
11/14
Chemical Pregnancy
9/5/15
Second after severe bleeding for 18 weeks due to subchorionic hematoma
Expecting Number 3 due 10/31/2020