Pregnant after 35

whiny vent of dis-satisfaction with self

So, I'm mad at myself and just need to get it off my chest.  Before I got pregnant, I was doing a super amount of power yoga (3-4x week) and also achieving a lot in my work -- or at least I was motivated to work hard.  Since I got pregnant, despite my best intentions to keep exercising, I just haven't done enough.  I hated the prenatal yoga class I tried to go to (too much chit-chat, not enough exercise), I feel too big now to go to the regular classes and have everyone looking at me (I know, no one cares, but still, I feel unwieldy and not like making a public display of my belly) -- but I've used my DVD at home exactly once because I prefer to go to a class.  I was loving walking outside when we had a warm spurt here, but it's been cold and rainy every time I've been up for it since -- and I hate walking on a treadmill.  And if it's not any of the above, I'm tired, or I have a headache, or there's housework or grocery shopping or an errand to do, or some other social engagement comes up.  Just now I read someone's post on another board -- she's about as far along as I am -- that mentions that she works out every day.  I feel like a slug, and have no one to blame but myself.

On top of that, all I do instead of the work I need to do (other than what I absolutely have to do for my job), is read posts on the Bump, watch too much tv, and read about baby-related stuff (furniture, etc.) online.  Some of which I have to do, of course -- the baby stuff, not the TV -- but again, I just feel like a slacker/slug.

Someone reminded me that I've gone through hell to get here (see signature) and maybe I'm just taking a break, but I'm such a type A person and such an over-achiever that I'm feeling so dissatisfied with myself rather than enjoying my "break" if that is what it is. Each week recently I've been like "THIS is the week I go back to serious exercise and serious work," and then...well....the pattern repeats.  And I'm so aware that soon a baby will be here and all of my "self-improvement" impulses will need to go towards a little creature *other* than myself.  Which, of course, I'm so thrilled about and can't wait for, seriously -- I don't mean to sound ungrateful.  I just feel like I'm running out of time to shape the f-ck up and kick the bad lazy habits I seem to have fallen in to.

I know, this is a pathetic post.  Just really venting at myself!!

me - 41 (dx: DOR); DH - 53 (no problems); 7/18/09 - married!; 8/4/09 - BFP on first (real)try; 9/14/09 - missed m/c; 9/15/09 - d&c; 11/09 - 3/10 - 4 natural cycles = BFN; 4/10 - dx hyperthyroidism caused by Graves' disease; 6/10 - thyroidectomy; 7/10 - 12/10 - 1 natural and 5 medicated IUI cycles = BFN; 1/11 - new RE; dx low ovarian reserve (AMH .42; 1/26/11 -- BFP (ectopic) from IUI #6; methotrexate 2/10/11; 6/2/11 - IVF #1 = BFN; 9/12/11 - prescreening for DE; 9/15/11 - IUI #7 (unmedicated)= BFN; 11/8 - begin DE cycle (shared risk program); 12/5 - ER (5 eggs/4 mature/3 fertilized/2 left by day 5) 12/10 - ET of one 1BB blast (expanded, "fair" quality), none to freeze; 12/22 - totally shocked by +hpt; beta #1 = 413; #2 = 3952 2/14 - CVS reveals a healthy baby girl! EDD: 8/27/12 DD born 8/31/12, 10 lbs 10 oz and perfect in every way. 

Re: whiny vent of dis-satisfaction with self

  • AWWW, sorry you are feeling this way.  Please don't be so hard on yourself.  You are growing another human life inside you and it can take its toll.  Do what you can when you feel like you can and tomorrow is another day!  All will work out in the end! Hope you are feeling better soon!
    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • I remember you from the TTC after 35 board and I know you've been through a lot to get to this point. So take time to enjoy your pregnancy and do what feels right. Try not to get youself worked up about what you "should be doing" and just enjoy this time.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image
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  • (Hugs)  if it helps at all, I'm being a slug right there with you. 
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  • Thanx, guys.  I knew some of you out there would make me feel better! 
    me - 41 (dx: DOR); DH - 53 (no problems); 7/18/09 - married!; 8/4/09 - BFP on first (real)try; 9/14/09 - missed m/c; 9/15/09 - d&c; 11/09 - 3/10 - 4 natural cycles = BFN; 4/10 - dx hyperthyroidism caused by Graves' disease; 6/10 - thyroidectomy; 7/10 - 12/10 - 1 natural and 5 medicated IUI cycles = BFN; 1/11 - new RE; dx low ovarian reserve (AMH .42; 1/26/11 -- BFP (ectopic) from IUI #6; methotrexate 2/10/11; 6/2/11 - IVF #1 = BFN; 9/12/11 - prescreening for DE; 9/15/11 - IUI #7 (unmedicated)= BFN; 11/8 - begin DE cycle (shared risk program); 12/5 - ER (5 eggs/4 mature/3 fertilized/2 left by day 5) 12/10 - ET of one 1BB blast (expanded, "fair" quality), none to freeze; 12/22 - totally shocked by +hpt; beta #1 = 413; #2 = 3952 2/14 - CVS reveals a healthy baby girl! EDD: 8/27/12 DD born 8/31/12, 10 lbs 10 oz and perfect in every way. 
  • You know...Stick out tongue on those over achievers. Making a baby is hard work, and you've gone through a lot more than most of them or us to get where you are. I understand how you feel, but you aren't doing anything wrong. You're doing a great job.

    BIG HUGS!

  • I read out-loud to my DH from a book " that even if a pregnant woman is doing nothing but sitting on the couch for a few hours, she is technically doing more than what a man does at a normal full day of work!!!! "  This helped him understand why I was so exhausted all the time, plus it made me understand why I was so exhausted allllll the time.  

    your body is working constantly.  give your mind a break you deserve it!!!!

    Aug 15 April Siggy challenge: Baby Shower fails:


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  • I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.
  • As a fellow type A, I completely get what you're saying and understand why you'd feel that way.  But do keep in mind, you are growing a HUMAN in your body!  Its a lot of work and you're allowed to be a slug (I've been one too, for what its worth and that is NOT normal for me :)  As pp have said, you have your whole life to work out, but only the next few months to be pregnant with this baby.  You'll do fine, even if you don't get back into a workout routine while pregnant, you'll find your rhythm again once baby arrives.  For me, I found that taking a nice long walk with DD1 every day was a mental lifesaver and helped me shed my baby weight and feel like my own person again.  Then once she was old enough I started jogging with her and lost my baby weight very quickly.  You'll do fine!      
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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