Gather round my children — The Bump
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Gather round my children

because I'm still floored that all that talk yesterday didn't summon the beast, and i feel like you guys deserve at least something for hangin in there, and lastly, because you guys shared your el saybay or whatever story with us, i will now recount the legend.

BOOK ONE

on a night, just like tonight, a weary traveler was walking down a dark, twisting road. she came upon a meadow in which group of people were all going through a similar life situation at the time. farts and mucus plugs were heartily passed around the blazing fire. times were good.

as good times have a way of doing, this one started to fade, and the group set out together in search of greener pastures. one of the people in the group, whom we will call "shmemshmay," gladly took her place at the front of the pack and led them to her baby daddy's pasture. a new domain, if you will.

this new pasture was plentiful. that first year, there was a high yield of idiot crop to make fun of, as well as juicy secrets shared. but there was also something else brewing under the surface. a dark and sinister force that really only had to do with like four or five people so who really gives a shiit? but it was brewing nonetheless.

anyway, that first year passed without too much incident. i mean there were some incidents, like a fermented cucumber who left her gun safe open and her kid fell down the stairs or sumshit like that. i'd love to share some more tales of yore, but i can't, because what was once a greener pasture is now nothing but a smoking pile of ash so i can't access it. and i'll tell you why...

you see, shmemshmay, the fearless leader, was just not getting the respect she deserved from her people. she had worked so hard asking her boyfriend to put up a web site, and let's not even talk about the PMs she had to wade through, asking her tedious questions like, "can you add a link to my blog on the home page?" and, "hey, i didn't get my gift yet from that elfster exchange. just wanted to let you know." can you even believe that?? being a leader is hard, yo. all those minions and whatnot, hanging on your every word. and when you're hanging out in real life, and your leader says she wants italian for dinner YOU SHOULD EAT ITALIAN FOR DINNER, GOD DAMNIT!

so shmemshmay did what any other person in her situation would do, and the hunger games were born. a few special tributes were selected and mad shiits were talked. but one fiery little tribute was different. she had the potential to bring down shmemshmay's reign of terror, despite the fact that some would argue that shmemshmay "made" her. quickly, shmemshmay started to realize that maybe she wasn't pulling the strings of her puppets as tightly as she thought she was. the special tribute bravely spoke out against the tyrannical leader, and things began to quickly crumble from there...

 

«134

Re: Gather round my children

  • I approve of this recounting. And your SN.
    "To me, you are perfect."
    image

  • You made it sound so magical. You forgot where shemshay turned into a fire breathing dragon, and all the happy fairies turned into stone statues.

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFruit Ticker

     

  • Loading the player...
  • J+MSJ+MS
    10000 Comments 250 Answers Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    lol
    "Seriously, mommy forum people are some crazy ass bitches." New Year New You
  • Coming to a theater near you...

    [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/3341939.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/jigily.jpg[/IMG]


    <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=34t4utu" target="_blank"><img src="http://i55.tinypic.com/34t4utu.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a>



    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttde0af.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • image Manateearmz:
    You made it sound so magical. You forgot where shemshay turned into a fire breathing dragon, and all the happy fairies turned into stone statues.

    That was just book one. RTFS!

  • Had I not lived through this all I would never believe you.  this is all true right down to the fire dance!  ILY
    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerImage and video hosting by TinyPic
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
       
    image  image

    "Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
    Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart." - Vampire Weekend
    "So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you.
    My beating heart belongs to you." - Billie Joe Armstrong
    "So don't don't don't get up. I can't see the sunshine. I'll be waiting for you, baby--
    'cause I'm through." - Julian Casablancas

    Follow me on Tumblr!

    Black Out: my work-in-progress

    Fun Direction
  • At least they were marionette style puppets and not the kind you shove your hand into.
    image
  • image Manateearmz:
    You made it sound so magical. You forgot where shemshay turned into a fire breathing dragon, and all the happy fairies turned into stone statues.

    Don't blink.

    image

    imageimage 

    image

    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



  • Most epic breakdown ever.
    image
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • I love you sooooo much!!
    My Sweet Son & Awesome DAUGHTER


    [IMG]http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c237/deadoktober/32298_4662522929617_397235974_n-1.jpg[/IMG]
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt116f05.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • image cruelsound:

    And then, Old Spaghetti Factory was enjoyed by none. 

    The end. 

    This is the most tragic part of the story.

    imageimage 

    image

    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



  • image cruelsound:

    And then, Old Spaghetti Factory was enjoyed by none. 

    The end. 

    What is a world without pasta?!?!?  

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFruit Ticker

     

  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
       
    image  image

    "Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
    Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart." - Vampire Weekend
    "So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you.
    My beating heart belongs to you." - Billie Joe Armstrong
    "So don't don't don't get up. I can't see the sunshine. I'll be waiting for you, baby--
    'cause I'm through." - Julian Casablancas

    Follow me on Tumblr!

    Black Out: my work-in-progress

    Fun Direction
  • image CinemaGoddess:

    image Manateearmz:
    You made it sound so magical. You forgot where shemshay turned into a fire breathing dragon, and all the happy fairies turned into stone statues.

    Don't blink.

    image

     

    You're the devil.

    Lookin' Down
  • image cruelsound:
    image SookieFrackhouse68:
    image cruelsound:

    And then, Old Spaghetti Factory was enjoyed by none. 

    The end. 

    I don't even get this joke, but I LOLed, all the same.

    A certain leader who met her demise only eats pasta. Or, at least, will fight to the death for a bowl of macaroni. 

    Bump fart

    image
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • image cruelsound:
    image SookieFrackhouse68:
    image cruelsound:

    And then, Old Spaghetti Factory was enjoyed by none. 

    The end. 

    I don't even get this joke, but I LOLed, all the same.

    A certain leader who met her demise only eats pasta. Or, at least, will fight to the death for a bowl of macaroni. 

    You forgot raw hamburger.

    That's not a joke. 

    image
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • image JBrianne:
    image CinemaGoddess:

    image Manateearmz:
    You made it sound so magical. You forgot where shemshay turned into a fire breathing dragon, and all the happy fairies turned into stone statues.

    Don't blink.

    image

     

    You're the devil.

    image

    imageimage 

    image

    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
       
    image  image

    "Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
    Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart." - Vampire Weekend
    "So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you.
    My beating heart belongs to you." - Billie Joe Armstrong
    "So don't don't don't get up. I can't see the sunshine. I'll be waiting for you, baby--
    'cause I'm through." - Julian Casablancas

    Follow me on Tumblr!

    Black Out: my work-in-progress

    Fun Direction
  • image bananarama11:
    image cruelsound:
    image SookieFrackhouse68:
    image cruelsound:

    And then, Old Spaghetti Factory was enjoyed by none. 

    The end. 

    I don't even get this joke, but I LOLed, all the same.

    A certain leader who met her demise only eats pasta. Or, at least, will fight to the death for a bowl of macaroni. 

    You forgot raw hamburger.

    That's not a joke. 

    What? Is this not an acceptable summer time snack? Raw hamburger frozen pops?  

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFruit Ticker

     

  • image Manateearmz:
    image bananarama11:
    image cruelsound:
    image SookieFrackhouse68:
    image cruelsound:

    And then, Old Spaghetti Factory was enjoyed by none. 

    The end. 

    I don't even get this joke, but I LOLed, all the same.

    A certain leader who met her demise only eats pasta. Or, at least, will fight to the death for a bowl of macaroni. 

    You forgot raw hamburger.

    That's not a joke. 

    What? Is this not an acceptable summer time snack? Raw hamburger frozen pops?  

    You can use frozen hamburger to make meat bullets and then kill your enemies and then the bugs and small woodland creatures will eat the meat leaving no trace of it when the authorities discover the body. 

    CSI taught me this. 

    imageimage 

    image

    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



  • image CinemaGoddess:
    image Manateearmz:
    image bananarama11:
    image cruelsound:
    image SookieFrackhouse68:
    image cruelsound:

    And then, Old Spaghetti Factory was enjoyed by none. 

    The end. 

    I don't even get this joke, but I LOLed, all the same.

    A certain leader who met her demise only eats pasta. Or, at least, will fight to the death for a bowl of macaroni. 

    You forgot raw hamburger.

    That's not a joke. 

    What? Is this not an acceptable summer time snack? Raw hamburger frozen pops?  

    You can use frozen hamburger to make meat bullets and then kill your enemies and then the bugs and small woodland creatures will eat the meat leaving no trace of it when the authorities discover the body. 

    CSI taught me this. 

    Yeah, right you heard this on CSI. Don't lie, you've done this before. 

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFruit Ticker

     

  • I'm enjoying today's storyhour.

    image

     

     

    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb4m.lilypie.com/ryzlm4.png" width="200" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers" /></a> <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb2m.lilypie.com/ovr7m4.png" width="200" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Second Birthday tickers" /></a>
    [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/ev6zxe.jpg[/IMG]
  • image
                   image
    ✯             ✯              ✯          ✯               ✯     ✯             ✯         ✯     ✯          ✯                   
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
       
    image  image

    "Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
    Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart." - Vampire Weekend
    "So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you.
    My beating heart belongs to you." - Billie Joe Armstrong
    "So don't don't don't get up. I can't see the sunshine. I'll be waiting for you, baby--
    'cause I'm through." - Julian Casablancas

    Follow me on Tumblr!

    Black Out: my work-in-progress

    Fun Direction
  • Pinky, my love for you will never die. You and CG. Stand By Me and PCU in one day. *Swoon*
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickersImage and video hosting by TinyPic
  • BOOK TWO

    word of an uprising spread quickly through the internetz. the brave tribute's rebeliousness was met with hostile text messages from shmemshmay, and eventually shmemshmay started just texting and emailing everyone. how she got your humble narrator's phone number i do not know, but some things we just don't question, like why is the sky blue, and why if you fart in public do you try to replicate the sound with your shoe, when you know full well that your shoe won't make that sound.  

    the eve of judgement day, which will go down in history as "emjaygate 2011," was just like any other eve. our protagonists innocently went to the pasture to frolick and found it on fire. it was mayhem. people were trying to save their precious possessions from the burning wreck, but shmemshmay blocked the way, because you know... she owned everything in case you didn't know. it was HER baby daddy's server, so everything belonged to her. one by one, with the exception of a very few, people started to speak out against the horrors inflicted upon them by shmemshmay. as the fire blazed on, shmemshmay reminded everyone that without her, none of the group would even be friends. without her, nobody would have happened to get pregnant at the same time, and stumbled onto the original pasture. shmemshmay made them all who they were. why weren't they more grateful? how dare they smite her? HOW DARE THEY INDEED!

    shmemshmay's efforts to control the airwaves were being thwarted by the rebel forces. slowly we came upon the revelation of how shmemshmay rose to power. people did not pay her in money or jewelry. no... she found a much more valuable form of currency. "secrets." said shmamshmay. secrets shared in blind PPD induced rage, personal, private accounts that were told in confidence,  chat logs that she was not a part of, yet took the opportunity to read because mentioned, they obviously belonged to her. didn't they?

    shmemshmay laughed as she threw rounds and rounds of gasoline onto the fire and threatened to take everyone's private belongings and throw them into the public light. she made blog post after blog post about how much she didn't care about the whole thing. which, let's face it, is what people do when they don't care. blog. right? unfortunately, just like the stories of our ancient forefathers, these have to remain in our memories, as all that's left is some cave drawings and speculation.

    the rebels took to the forest once again, not wanting to break ties with each other, in search of a new dawn...


  • This may be the greatest series of stories seen on TB since the cross-dressing crazy brother. 

     

    imageimage 

    image

    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
       
    image  image

    "Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
    Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart." - Vampire Weekend
    "So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you.
    My beating heart belongs to you." - Billie Joe Armstrong
    "So don't don't don't get up. I can't see the sunshine. I'll be waiting for you, baby--
    'cause I'm through." - Julian Casablancas

    Follow me on Tumblr!

    Black Out: my work-in-progress

    Fun Direction
  • I just LOL'd and you know that's a big deal. Then I farted and I knew my shoe wouldn't save me so I burrowed down into my desk chair because that muffles the noise and contained the smell.

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFruit Ticker

     

  • image t watley:
    Wow. Book 2 was even better than Book 1. I really hope this don't have a bulIshit Hunger Games ending. 

     

    I should probably put this in UO - but I've never read the Hunger Games..... BS ending eh? 

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickersImage and video hosting by TinyPic
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
       
    image  image

    "Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
    Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart." - Vampire Weekend
    "So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you.
    My beating heart belongs to you." - Billie Joe Armstrong
    "So don't don't don't get up. I can't see the sunshine. I'll be waiting for you, baby--
    'cause I'm through." - Julian Casablancas

    Follow me on Tumblr!

    Black Out: my work-in-progress

    Fun Direction
  • image Manateearmz:
    image cruelsound:

    And then, Old Spaghetti Factory was enjoyed by none. 

    The end. 

    What is a world without pasta?!?!?  

    Fun fact: the Old Spaghetti Warehouse doesn't have olives. An "Italian" restaurant--without olives. WTMF. 

    "To me, you are perfect."
    image

  • image t watley:
    Wow. Book 2 was even better than Book 1. I really hope this don't have a bulIshit Hunger Games ending. 

    you shut your mouth! i loved the ending. TEAM MOTHEREFFING PEETA!

  • image t watley:
    Wow. Book 2 was even better than Book 1. I really hope this don't have a bulIshit Hunger Games ending. 



    ETA: lol @ me writing don't instead of doesn't. I'm leaving it.

    x100  that last book pissed me off!!  right up there with the last season of Lost and the Matrix....argh I'm mad again!

    My Sweet Son & Awesome DAUGHTER


    [IMG]http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c237/deadoktober/32298_4662522929617_397235974_n-1.jpg[/IMG]
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt116f05.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • image SookieFrackhouse68:

    image t watley:
    Wow. Book 2 was even better than Book 1. I really hope this don't have a bulIshit Hunger Games ending. 

    If this biitch ends up marrying a guy she does not come close to deserving, I will quit TB.

    Uh-oh. I probably shouldn't have read this comment, as I haven't quite finished book 3 yet.

    What? I'm an incredibly slow reader. 

    "To me, you are perfect."
    image

  • Jerk, I just peed I'm laughing so hard. My lady boner for you has never been bigger.
    imageimage
    BFP # 1- DS ~ TTC #2 since Jan. 2012 - BFP # 2 - "Baby Elsie" - Blighted Ovum - D&C August 22, 2012 at 7w3d, BFP # 3 - CP - December 30, 2012, BFP # 4 - CP - March 19, 2013 ~ First RE Appt. 4/24/13 Med cycle #1: 50mg Clomid and Trigger shot = BFN. Med. Cycle #2: 6 cysts found. No meds/rest cycle. Trying on our own = BFP # 5! Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 129 Beta #3 = 94 - CP - July 2, 2013. BFP # 6! Beta#1 = 21, Beta#2 =58 Beta#3 = 134. U/S shows heartbeat of 142 at 7w2d!
  • Jerk, my love for you is so strong right now. SO STRONG.
    [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/33ygpog.jpg[/IMG]

    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb2f.lilypie.com/0kbWm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Second Birthday tickers" /></a>
    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbdf.lilypie.com/AFctm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>
  • image MandJS:
    image CinemaGoddess:

    This may be the greatest series of stories seen on TB since the cross-dressing crazy brother. 

    True story. And FTR, much of this is why I can't be bothered with the off boards.

    Then I must not be doing my job. Is this not one of the most interesting yarns ever spun? Do you not feel like you were there yourself?

  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
       
    image  image

    "Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
    Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart." - Vampire Weekend
    "So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you.
    My beating heart belongs to you." - Billie Joe Armstrong
    "So don't don't don't get up. I can't see the sunshine. I'll be waiting for you, baby--
    'cause I'm through." - Julian Casablancas

    Follow me on Tumblr!

    Black Out: my work-in-progress

    Fun Direction
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards