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June 2011 Moms
Telly21182
member
I think I'm going to have to start nagging (Kinda long)
Telly21182
member
in order to get DH to help with anything around the house! I admit, he does 99% of the outside work, but that's not a daily task/chore. I need help inside too. Also, I admit that when he helps, he's tremendous, but he only helps when the house is a complete disaster and he decides to invite people over, someone's going to stop by, etc. That's not that often, so therefore he doesn't help inside that often.
I'd say I do 90-95% of the work - and I work full-time too! Is it too much to ask for him to clean up from dinner while I'm giving Ty a bath and in to his jammies? If he'd just take 15 minutes to do that my life would be SOOOO much less stressful. Instead, I: come home, change, potty, wash bottles, (MWF do a 30 min workout), take Ty, feed Ty, prepare the next days bottles while Ty's content, play with Ty (walk, inside, whatever), start dinner, eat, do Ty's nighttime routine, get him to bed, clean up from dinner, clean my room of the day (if I'm lucky), shower, watch TV and pass out.
What does DH do? Picks up Ty, plays with him while I do my get home routine, goes to workout, cut the grass, etc., eats dinner, plays on the phone/iPad, watches TV, cleans the litter boxes and does his own laundry. He's also started helping with vacuuming now that we have a new vacuum that he's in love with!!!
I've always prided myself on not nagging, and I know DH appreciates that (I mean, what DH wouldn't), but it's going way too far and I think that's the only thing that will get me some help around the house.
That, or I need to plan a party for every weekend 
On top of that - he's getting a list of things I need his help with before Ty's party at the end of June!
OK - big fat cupcake for anyone that read all of this! Clearly I just need to vent. And, if anyone else is/has been in the same boat let me know so I don't feel like a complete doormat that lets her DH get away with everything!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I think I'm going to have to start nagging (Kinda long)
Serious question. Do you ask him to help? From what I can tell in what your wrote, it sounds like you are going straight to nagging. I guess I don't understand why. While you're giving Ty a bath, do you just expect him to clean up dinner? Or do you ask him to clean up dinner? Unfortunately, guys are dense. As much as we want them to, they do not read our minds. What is obvious to us is not obvious to them.
I guess what I'm saying is that I would start by simply asking him to help you. Be specific. Don't just expect it. Sometimes, if I'm going to be gone and MH home, I'll even give him a honey-do list. Nothing to crazy. Simple things like laundry or straightening up. If I don't, he won't do it because he doesn't see it. Men just don't see what we see.
GL! I hope you get the help you need!
Legit question - I forgot to mention it! Yes, I do ask him to help. I'll grab Ty from his highchair where he's been playing and flat out say "Could you please clean up from dinner while I'm giving him a bath?" He'll say yes, and I'll come back out with a bathed and jammied baby to a messy highchair, dirty plates on the table or counter, and leftovers still on the stove.
I know deep down my real problem is that I don't show him I'm really mad (he thinks I'm just irritated, which doesn't bother him), and I end up doing it myself anyway. If I do say anything he's response is that he didn't want to make a lot of noise while I'm winding down Ty. I 100% get that, but that's why I ask him to do it WHILE we're getting a bath!
Yah. That is different. I would start with a serious conversation letting him know how you feel. Tell him you really don't want to be that wife who is always nagging her husband but you feel like that is what it's coming to if he doesn't help out more. Again, men are dense. Be very specific of what your idea of "helping out more" actually is. Hopefully, it will get better.
i finally asked DH to help with very specific things. ex: i load and run the dishwasher. he has to unlead it and reload with any dirty dishes before he leaves for work around lunch time. also he has to put wash from the washer into the dryer before leaving. sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't, but he's trying. i just siad to him that i can't do everything anymore and i need him to be a good role model for J.
last night after dinner i asked if he wanted to give J a bath or clean up from dinner. He and J had a blast in the tub and i was able to get a few things done
I don't think nagging will help. Maybe give him specific options? "Do you want to clean up the kitchen or give DS a bath?"
How close is your bathroom to the kitchen? This will likely be annoying to him, but if you can call him out halfway through bath time to ask him how he's coming along in the kitchen, he might get the point. I mean, literally yell (in a friendly way) out there and ask him what's up.
My DH is pretty helpful, but my problem is he doesn't finish. He will do all the big pots and pans, but leave the silverware and smaller things in the sink...or he won't wipe the table or the stove. Then I end up having to do it.
I've tried the specific options, but he always chooses the kitchen because I know he's scared to give Ty a bath by himself. I get that he's afraid of him falling and hurting himself since he's standing in it all the time now, so I don't press that issue. Once he's a little bigger I'll have DH help me with a few baths so he's more comfortable with it.
The way our house is set up, we spend our evenings in like a 20' cube it seems like. There is the kitchen with the living room on one side, the bathroom on the other, and our hall is essentially a square with the living room on one side and Ty's room on the other. So, asking him how it's going could work!
My other, less mature way of handling this is to do everything with exasperation. He knows I'm pissed because I'm slamming cabinets and stomping around the kitchen...or crying. Crying helps. LOL.
Oops, dup.
I wish I could slam things around, because I totally would (I'm pretty passive aggressive and not afraid to admit it!), but because of the layout of our house, this would totally wake Ty up.
If we ever move to a 2-story and have this issue then it'd be a whole new ballgame!
I gave up asking. I tell. I don't know how it would work in the dynamic of your household, but instead of "could you please clean the dishes" it's "dear, I'm going to bathe D, I need you to clean the dishes up while I do that". Or "DH, the dishes HAVE to be washed before I can make dinner". So, I do it the nice way.
The running joke around the house is that I do nothing but bark orders, but both DH and our roommate do best with a clear directive, not a request. We're all much happier now that things get done. Obviously, I don't just sit on my butt and watch them do it all, I just delegate so we all do a fair share.
And Then There Were Three...
Married: 08/14/10
Baby #1 Born: 06/18/11
June Moms Blog
I feel your pain!
I've found i have to be very clear when speaking to my hubby. Instead of saying "can you please clean up after dinner" (which to me is pretty clear) I say " while i am bathing Cooper could you please clean up after dinner" - i know it's not a big difference, and essentially you are asking the exact same thing - but at least for my hubby this works..... see if i just ask him he thinks that it's because i don't want to do it, where as if i tell him i am doing another chore and can't do both it seems to work.....I'm sorry this doesn't work for you!