WWTCAL do?

pinktrojanbride120107 · April 2012

Things have been rough for me lately. This past weekend it felt like I reverted back to the emotions I was feeling right after the m/c. Lots and lots and lots of unstoppable, hide-in-a-corner type of crying.

Although I'm feeling stronger now, today I got an email about a surprise baby shower for a girl at work. My EDD was very close to hers. Since my m/c, it's been tough for me to see her, because she's a constant reminder of "what should have been." Just reading the plans in the email made all that tension I've been feeling come back, so I know it's going to be difficult. Part of me wants to help plan but not show up, but we're such a small staff, if I don't show I know it will be noticed. I guess I'm afraid of looking selfish, or that people will misunderstand my hurt for sheer jealousy. I'm very happy for her and feel like I should put my BGP on and smile and celebrate with her.

WWTCAL do?

jenn0021 · April 2012

That is hard. Is the shower at work or will it be at a different location? Baby showers are hard, especially the ones for people with EDD's close to yours. I went to one last fall and it hurt. I had to go though because she was a good friend. I just sat and smiled and ate food and made it through. If you really don't want to go though, maybe you could be sick. Or does the mom to be know of your loss? I've also written a note explaining my absence at a baby shower before too. sorry I don't have much advice, just know that I'm thinking of you.

FreyaWin2382 · April 2012

First of all, big girl panties have nothing to do with making yourself miserable. Putting on a happy face when you are dying inside is something we all have had to (unfortunately) learn to do, but I don't think it means you are being any "weaker" by crying it out.

If you truly feel like you are not in a good place to go to the shower, then I would skip it. Help plan, maybe send a gift, but just simply say that you just don't think you can do it right now (if they don't know about your loss, and you don't want to tell them, then make up some other excuse). It sounds like you aren't super close to your coworker, and I just think that you have been through enough that you shouldn't have to go and torture yourself just because you think it is the "right" thing to do.

FWIW, my younger sister's baby shower is this weekend, and I seriously thought about skipping it....but have been feeling pretty good this week and so am going to try and go. However, if I go and am a wreck, then I am leaving. Selfish? Maybe....but sometimes you have to be a little selfish to save your sanity and help your heart heal.

I am sorry that you are struggling right now....I will be thinking of you! ((HUGS))

shellyco · April 2012

Is the shower going to be AT work? If it's at another location during time off I would definitely quickly plan something fun and then say you can't make it. If it's at work, I would probably go and plaster on a smile.

I'm sorry you're in this crappy situation. (HUGS)

Mom2anAngel2 · April 2012

ncchnat:

Is there any way you could get there late and then leave right before they start opening the gifts? I've been to two since my loss and it hurt like hell, but I feel like by leaving before all the cute little baby things started making their appearances, I showed my support and saved myself from even more hurt.

I think this is great advise. I have not been to one since our loss, but I do have my sister's shower coming up and I am completely dreading it!!! I think it would help to not have be around all of the cute baby stuff, I know that all of that stuff makes me feel like someone punched me in the gut.

kiki4 · April 2012

If it were me, I would probably take a mental health day. If they are taking a collection for a group gift, I would contribute to that so that I didn't have to go shop for a gift.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time right now. ((HUGS))

kpowers982 · April 2012

ncchnat:

Is there any way you could get there late and then leave right before they start opening the gifts? I've been to two since my loss and it hurt like hell, but I feel like by leaving before all the cute little baby things started making their appearances, I showed my support and saved myself from even more hurt.

This seems like a pretty good compromise...when other posters on here have been in similar situations, this has always been a good suggestion.

However, ultimately, you need to do what's best for your emotional well-being...so if it's too hard to go, don't go. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Elle jM · April 2012

kiki4:

If it were me, I would probably take a mental health day. If they are taking a collection for a group gift, I would contribute to that so that I didn't have to go shop for a gift.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time right now. ((HUGS))

Yes This. For me personally, there is no way I could do it. I would take a mental health day. ((Hugs))

pinktrojanbride120107 · April 2012

Thanks for your responses, ladies.

The party is planned at work, right in conjunction with a staff meeting. I'm on the leadership team with the mom-to-be, so I realized it'll be hard to bow out without missing an important meeting, too.

I sat with the party planner to help her plan games and things today, and didn't cry until I got to the car. I guess there's hope for me after all.

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