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LGBT Parenting
Can a non-LGBT momma get some advice? :)
I hope you all don't mind me dropping by for some suggestions/opinions.
I teach 8th grade in a small community (around 5,000) people. I don't want to say all the teachers I work with have very narrow views when it comes to homosexuality....but...some totally do.
Just this last week a freshman boy in another small town 30 miles away committed suicide after being bullied for being gay. 
His name was Kenneth.
A conversation started in the teachers lounge that went something like this:
Me: I wish we had a program available for our students, like a LGBT group, or just a group where kids can go to talk regardless of sexual orientation.
B: Well...do you really think kids at this age know if they are gay or not?
Me: Ummm...yeah...they're 14. I'm thinking yes.
B: Oh, don't you remember having close friends that were girls and wanting to hold hands?
Me: Yeah, when I was maybe 6. What does that have to do with it?
B: Well when a child thinks he or she is gay, isn't it because they want to have sex? I told my students I really don't think it's possible for a child to know if he or she is gay because they don't understand sex.
Me:...umm..no, I think it's more of a love thing...not a sex thing. I knew I was straight and liked boys before I had sex.
WTH?
Another teacher in the room could feel the tension rising, and she quickly changed the subject.
What would you say to her? I am not done with this conversation. I probably can't change her mind - but at the same time I think her denial could be bad for students.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can a non-LGBT momma get some advice? :)
I'm a teacher too! Actually, my wife and i both are.
We live in Texas...not a super LGBT friendly state! I know that I will never be able to change all my colleagues' minds, but I do know that I can make sure my students (and all the others at my school) see me as an adult who is safe to talk to about these issues. I would say that as a straight teacher, you can send that same message...possibly even more strongly, since you don't have to worry about being "outed."
Check out GLSEN, the It Gets Better Project, and The Trevor Project for a ton of resources on how to support students. It Gets Better has an anthology of essays for young people by famous adults, and I keep a copy in my classroom.
Hooe this helps...and THANK YOU for asking!!!
Thanks for coming over to ask this.
I have worked in schools before (although not as a classroom teacher), and I can really imagine this kind of thing happening. Good for you for trying to brainstorm ways to deal with it!
Firstly, you should know that LGBT students actually have some rights at the federal level. If students at your school are interested in starting a Gay-Straight Alliance (a club for LGBT, allys, or questioning students) they have a right to do so under the Federal Equal Access Act (GSA Network has more: https://gsanetwork.org/resources/legal-resources) One of the major issues standing in students' way in creating new GSAs is lack of administrator support, which is where having a strong ally in a teacher might help, and the PP is totally right that you are at an advantage being straight in this situation. Also, sometimes schools claim that there are no faculty members to advise the club, which is something else you could potentially help with.
Knowing what state you are in might help, as some states have gone above and beyond the federal minimum to protect LGBT-identified and questioning students from harassment or bullying from their peers or from adults within schools. That could actually include protection from comments like what your coworker said about how students can't possibly know whether they identify as LGBT (ugh, what a rotten thing to say!) It sounds like you're in a relatively small and possibly homophobic area, but I grew up in a rural, less progressive area of a state that actually has really good LGBT protections even though it didn't feel like it within my community, so there is a possibility that you have a legal basis for what you are trying to do as well.
Have you thought about taping a "Safe Space" or "Safe Zone" sticker or print-out on the door of your classroom? It usually looks like a rainbow or is rainbow colored and says one of the above phrases so students can recognize that you are someone open and affirming they can talk to. You could also print extras and put them in the teacher's lounge or invite other teachers you know personally to put them up as well if you think they may be willing. I love the idea of putting the It Gets Better anthology in your classroom as well.
You mentioned some homophobic teachers... what about administrators or counselors at your school? Do LGBT students have allies there? If the school counselor (if you have one) or guidance counselor is supportive, perhaps he or she would be willing to give a short presentation at a staff meeting about the effects of anti-LGBT bullying and harassment in schools and administrators could be open to that. Also, I don't know what subject(s) you teach, but if you think you can get away with including LGBT content without losing your job you could try to incorporate it into your lessons in subtle ways. GLSEN and GSA Network have resources for teachers trying to promote a more inclusive curriculum. There are studies that show that LGBT-inclusive curriculum in schools actually decreases bullying for all students by an astonishing margin, so you'd have some empirical back-up if you needed to defend your choices.
Sorry to go on and on. I do teacher and administrator trainings on LGBT students' rights and policies they can promote to protect LGBT students in schools as part of my job, so I know I am rambling and rambling here. Good luck and feel free to ask more questions or follow-up questions here.
(I'm from Iowa)
Thanks for the great advice! I will absolutely be checking out the resources!
You (and the students!) are in luck, then! Iowa has pretty decent LGBT protections.
Check out this resource that is state specific: https://www.iowapridenetwork.org/about/history.html
Also, there is a pretty strict bullying/harassment law in Iowa that applies to LGBT students, among other groups. Iowa Pride Network was instrumental in passing it. More information here: https://iowasafeschools.org/content/view/43/38/
Good luck!
Sounds like it would be worth suggesting to the principal/administrators that a LGBT info session be included in your next teacher in-service day (do they still call them that?). Some teacher training on the subject might be useful not just for this teacher, but for others who think the same thing but don't say it out loud.
FWIW (which isn't much), I knew I was a lesbian at 14.
IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure