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June 2012 Moms
Any SAHMs? How do you keep your sanity?
I am a SAHM to my almost 3-yr DD. She isn't a difficult child by any means...absolute sweet heart...except some days I just have trouble with having any patience with her. I will snap over the dumbest little things that I can just let go most of the time. We hardly ever get out of the house because we can't afford to shop or just burn gas for no reason. We will go to the play ground if the weather is nice enough, but sometimes that doesn't even cut it. DH always works late, and he works an hour away, so most nights he doesn't get home until about 7:00-7:30, and then the dog barks non-stop until he takes him for a walk (he is a 120lb chocolate lab and he pulls like crazy on the leash...I can't walk him by myself NOT being pregnant, let alone being pg and having DD with me), so by the time he get back from walking the dog, he literally will have maybe 30 minutes to play with DD before bedtime. So basically, I feel like a single mom most days. Some days are okay, but some days are so hard! And I know that DH works so hard and he hates having to work late, but there is nothing that he can do, so I don't like to bring it up with him because I don't want him to feel bad. The only "me" time that I ever get is during her nap, which is usually only 1 1/2 to 2 hrs.
I know that I am lucky to be able to be a SAHM, and I would never do it any differently, so I don't mean to complain too much...it's just that some days I feel like I am going to have a mental breakdown and I need ideas of what I can do to maybe make it easier.
Sorry this was so long...I just needed to get it out and any advice is really appreciated!
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Re: Any SAHMs? How do you keep your sanity?
Wow that really sucks, do you have any relatives that could maybe watch your DD once a week for a few hours so you can have some you time?
I will definitely know how you feel come this Oct. though. DH and I are re locating to Jacksonville, FL for the Navy...I'm happy about that though....but as soon as we get there he will be deploying for 6 months so it really will be like I'm a single mom, and I'm going to be a SAHM too. On a good note his parents live only about an hour away and we get along great so I know they wouldn't mind me stopping by for visits or even taking LO for a few hours.
I hope things get better for you and that you find some way to get some just you time squeezed in.
Big hugs to you! Sometimes staying at home can feel very isolating. The best thing I found with DD over the past 2 years was finding a schedule. I was fortunate in that I was able to get out of the apartment. Most mornings we try to get out and stay out until lunch doing stuff like going to the grocery store, library, park, the mall to play, Bible study at church (which has free child care) etc.
At home in the afternoon, now that she doesn't nap, I've tried to find things she likes to do and can do more or less on her own for an hour or so. I'm there with her, but she is engaging herself. She loves coloring in coloring books, playing with play-doh, legos, drawing with chalk outside, and playing with her kitchen set and dolls. Pinterest has some great ideas of things to do that are cheap/free. We like the recipe for playdoh that uses koolaid. It smells so good and isn't quite as messy (little pieces everywhere) as the stuff you buy at the store. Plus, making it is something to do.
Good luck! I know how you feel- incredibly grateful and don't want to complain, but it is hard.
My parents are the closest to us and they are an hour away. My parents both work full-time, though, so that's not really an option either. Every once in a while my mom will have a half-day (maybe once a month), so she'll either come here or I'll go there and we'll do lunch, which is awesome because it gets DD and I out of the house, but it's still not "me" time.
Good luck to you come October! As tough as it is for me sometimes, I really couldn't imagine DH being gone completely for 6 months! Ugh! Being a SAHM really is a wonderful thing, and like I said, I wouldn't change it for anything...it's just really hard some days! There are plenty of good days, too, though, so I don't want to sound too discouraging!
I drink. A lot.
I'm just kidding. I actually never drink. I'll be honest though and say we watch way too much TV. I usually try to hang out with friends who have kids at least once a week. Either I go to their house or they come to mine. When the weather is nice we get out as much as possible. Sometimes we just go to wal mart and cruise around.
But really I just take it day by day and count the hours until nap time/bed time. I know that's horrible but I get bored as SAHM.
Do you have a hobby or business that you would want to get involved with during the day? I have a side business that I would love to work on if I could stay at home with Baby when he was born. Or perhaps start a blog that you could work on while she plays? Maybe even one that you do together-write about your activities/games/field trips. Take pictures with her and post them. Then you'll look forward to the little things, because you'll be writing and posting about them.
You could also look for free activities in the community. Do you have a library close by? Are there reading hours there, or even books of nature activities? Do you have book stores that feature children's authors talking about their books? Could you start a play group through Meet-Up that you charge $5 an hour for, and plan different activities each time?
Running Blog
I totally feel you and just wanted to say *hugs!*.
I find SAH to be very isolating and difficult at times. And Im not very good at putting myself out there and making other SAHM friends, so that certainly didn't help.
A few things I've learned/tried over my 4 years as a SAHM include: library groups, which are free, are a good way to get out of the house and potentially meet other kids and moms; getting out of the house, even for a short walk down the block, can make a difference in my mood; ask for help when you need it! and in your case this may mean finding a babysitter who isn't family (perhaps a local teenager or willing friend).
Mainly I've learned that a mentally healthy mom makes for a happy mom. I really struggled for a few years, but a turning point for me was last January when I got a part-time job at a clothing store I liked and where a few acquaintances I knew worked. It worked well for me b/c DH was able to be home in time for my evening shifts, but in your case you could find a babysitter for the time between when you leave and DH gets home. It gave me a reason to get out of the house, without the kids, get dressed nicely, spend an evening with great woman (co-workers) and talking to adults (shoppers), and brought a little bit of money in. It wasn't always ideal as it took away from mine and DHs time together, and some of my weekend time as a family, but it really did wonders for my mental health (FAR more than I ever expected, to be honest). Obviously with another LO on the way this wont work for you for a while, but if you're struggling in a few months and can leave LO behind, I'd recommend it.
Otherwise, just know you're really not alone! This is the hardest job in the world and we all struggle with it at times. Seek avenues to meet other people and really try to put yourself out there. And find a babysitter so you can have some more "you" time!
(Oh, I just remembered that I also volunteered a morning a week for a few years to get some "me" time. If you can find childcare during the day, that's another easy, free option for you)
We try to get out of the house and stay out as long as we can. I pack our lunch most days and take it to the mall, park, or wherever we end up. We also spend a lot of time at the library. There are two free classes during the week, about 30 minutes each. We also visit the library in the city over because it has a huge children's section. I let them rent one movie a week and we have a picnic lunch on the floor while we watch it. Or they save it for the weekend with Daddy.
I also signed the kids up for one sport on the non-school days that are at the same time. This fall they will both be in school together so the baby and I will have some time to spend together. All of our family lives close by but with everyone working full-time we don't have much planned for the weekdays with them. Weekends they babysit so we can get away, even for just a fast dinner out or a movie. Check your local churches as well, sometimes they offer a mom's day out. Our local one is $12 for a 3 hour block. The kids love it!
I joined a local mom's group and made some great friends. It was tough in the beginning, being the new girl was awkward, but now we're all great friends. We go out for a mom's only night twice a month, and have a weekly playdate at a park or someone's house. We make a large spread of snacks and lunch foods to share and play for hours. We also meet once a month on a Saturday or Sunday with all family members so the dad's can get to know each other too.
Honestly, there are good days and just plain awful days. This morning wasn't so great when my youngest pooped his underwear right before we were leaving for school. It was everywhere and we both ended up in tears. Instead of going out to play, we had to come home to clean up the mess in the bathroom. He ended up helping me with some laundry and I cooked dinner. So we got things done that I was going to have to do tonight. I just try to balance keeping them happy and finding time to escape and have a few peaceful hours alone.
I only have one friend that lives close by and she is also a SAHM, so we try to get together for play dates every once in a while, but to be honest...I get more stressed out when we do that because her daughter is a terror!! LOL! It definitely is nice to have the adult conversation, though! I feel like we watch way too much TV, too, plus it doesn't help that I feel like a whale and waddle like a duck right now, so I don't like to move too much...haha.
Thank you to everyone who responded...I definitely feel a little better knowing I'm not alone!
I'm glad you posted this - I am scared of the next year. I have no idea what being a SAHM will be like and this thread offered some really great suggestions.
The next year will tell us if I want to go back to work after my mat leave if staying at home is a financial option (which it looks like it might be). For me, it's not about the money - it's about my sanity and how well I cope with being at home. This gave me a good heads up. Thank you again.
I hear you, it's rough. I try (try being the key word) to wake up a little earlier to get some more alone time rather than just nap time. I'm lucky to have my family live close by as well so DH and I can get out once a week. Walks help A LOT, they calm her down, we get out of the house for a bit and she always finds something she wants to bring home to show daddy (a rock, sick, flower, etc).
Being pregnant and being a SAHM is not easy by any means, so if I were you I'd give myself a pat on the back, maybe a nice bubble bath and make some brownies because I am sure you are doing and amazing job!
I book an activity for 4/5 days - just as something to look forward too, and to get us out of the house (otherwise there is way too much TV watching and fighting between my 2 girls).
That being said - I've gone back to work for 6 months before this baby is due - I need my sanity, a break and for more social interaction (I work in an office and it is MUCH easier to be at work than with my 2 toddlers).
It does look like with 3 small ones childcare costs and preschool/kindergarten drop offs and pick ups will mean I probably stay home after this one.............which is a scary prospect!