Ever feel cursed? Long sorry

christy2125 · April 2012

Okay so I know this sounds horrible but has anyone ever felt like they were cursed while doing IF treatments? Like all the signs are there telling you not to go forward anymore? Maybe its all the hormones talking, maybe I just need someone to talk me off the ledge so to speak but I feel entirely cursed when it comes to getting any true treatment for IF.

Back story, last year at this time my DH and I were all set to start our first IVF, it had taken years to get to the point to where not only a doctor would help us with IVF but also to where we could actually do IVF. We ended up getting pg naturally which was shattered when the pregnancy ended up being ectopic that ruptured.

We waited several more months, for my body and mind to heal and when we were about to start IVF again we were told that my DH's grandmother, (who raised him and was essentially my hubby's mother) was given 30 days to live, due to Lung cancer spreading. We decided that it was more important to be able to be with her in a moments notice then to pursue treatments, and I am glad we did, we were able to spend alot of time with her during that time frame. She ended up starting to look and act like she was doing better, so at her insistance, we went ahead and finally did IVF#1 in Feburary. She passed away two days before ER. We drove to ABQ, NM after the transfer for the funeral, and to take care of things. That IVF got a BFN and the nurses said sometimes stress can create not so great eggs/embroyos.

So we start IVF #2 thinking this will go much more smoothly. Everyone in both families are happy and healthy, nothing happening on our front. Yesterday, everything changed. My DH gets a call from his family that his younger cousin died suddenly. He was in his early 20's and very healthy. He just went to sleep and didn't wake up. The worst part is that he has a young toddler daughter who has just experienced all of this as she was in the room when he died. We are obviously shocked and devestated at this loss in our family, but also cant help but wonder if this is just not meant to happen for us. It's like everytime we try to do anything either for IF treatments or moving forward at looking at adoption, some huge wall comes up. What's worse is the rest of our family is noticing too. We are very open with our IF struggles with both families and even as we were talking on the phone with my DH's Aunt and Uncle offering our condolences they mentioned that perhaps we are cursed as every time we try for a child something tragic happens to either us or our family...

Sorry for the length, and I hope people understand that I am not making light of my H's cousin dying at all. I am just really afraid to go forward at this time with anything IF related for fear that something else tragic might happen...

BzeetyD · April 2012

I'm sorry you're going through a very long rough time.

My DH and I have had a very very difficult 3 years which includes all our TTC, our 2 losses and our IF journey as well as becoming the caretakers for his elderly great uncle who had a stroke (hospital advocacy, finding a nursing home, cleaning and selling his place) and his eventual death as well as my DH's mother was ill last year and died semi-suddenly last July and we did the same things for her (hospital advocacy, finding nursing home, and we're in the midst of cleaning and selling her place).

We can't catch a break and it's very very hard.

I understand.

BabytoV · April 2012

It is very difficult to not feel like you are "cursed" with IF alone, let alone dealing with all you have been through with losses in your family. I can tell you it is not true....infact maybe you will be able to bring a new life and joy back into a family that is hurting. My husband and I have lost quite a few people in our lives (my grandmother[who I lived with for parts of my life] from cancer, his father [diagnosed with cancer and died 1 week later], my best friend's brother by sucide [who I grew up with], and my husband's best friend and partner at work [police] who was in a motorcycle accident) in the last two years. On top of all of it we have had three miscarriages. We will be celebrating our third anniversary and I feel like eventually things have to look up. You have to hold on to it.

Your someday baby will bring all the joy in the world back to you and your family. The process sucks (I sometimes ask my husband if I can just be put in a coma and I will wake up when it is time to deliver) but all people going through it continue on because the hope of the joy one day.

I am so sorry for your losses.

Lauren

Want a personalized experience?

Ever feel cursed? Long sorry

Re: Ever feel cursed? Long sorry

Choose Another Board

Search Boards