Community› The Bump Message Boards› Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
New Discussion

It happened again... and it's just not fair

JosiecatJosiecat member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Why can most other women pee on a stick and 9 months later have a baby??

I miscarried the first time at 7 weeks, doctor told me it was a chemical pregnancy, to count it as a "heavy period" and try again immediately. So we did... and we got pregnant right away. 8 weeks later I had an ultrasound, was told I had a blighted ovum, but before a D&C was scheduled, my OB sent me to a specialist "just in case". We went to a specialist who found a heartbeat - he told us we were 6 weeks along, to come back in a week to check the growth. 3 days later, I miscarried. Again. I lost the baby again.

I am not as sad this time around, just really really angry. I cry, but mostly because I'm angry at the situation, angry that it keeps happening, that my body isn't making a health baby. All these teenagers out there who accidentally get pregnant always seems to make these healthy babies. All the drug addicts who don't take care of their bodies seem to have no trouble either. And I'm just so angry. 

It's just not. fair.

BFP #1 - chemical pregnancy, natural miscarriage at 7 weeks on 2/11/12 BFP #2 - u/s at 8 weeks showed a tiny fetal pole measuring at 6 weeks, heart rate slow at 94bpm. Natural miscarriage a few days later on 4/15/12 August 2012- Diagnosed with pancreatic divisum, September - ERCP w/stent placement. Fingers crossed this was the issue! Doc gave the go-ahead to start trying again. BFP #3 - Chemical pregnancy ending a few days after Thanksgiving 2012. Clearly my pancreas was not the issue. Doc told us to try one more time. BFP #4 - Chemical pregnancy ending in January 2013. Now I'm pissed. February- meeting with RE. Test results show I have a low egg reserve and DH has severely messed up sperm. Docs are quite confused as to how we're getting pregnant to begin with. Let the IVF games begin!! April - stim time!! 7R, 6F via ICSI, 5 made it to day 5, 3 look "good enough" to be sent for PGS testing. We are now the proud owners? Parents? Of 2 healthy frozen embryos. June - ugh. Lupron. So much Lupron. And Aygestin, and Estrogen, and Progesterone suppositories. Things are going in to my body every way possible! July 25- scheduled for our first FET. Aaand huge fail. All of the estrogen gave my pancreas a good old fashioned hissy fit. Long story short, moving on to gestational carrier.
Report Reply to Post

Re: It happened again... and it's just not fair

  • RachaeleighRachaeleigh member
    I'm sorry for your losses. I completely get it and I've felt angry many days. Thoughts are w you

    4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
    All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal

    5 IUIs = BFN

    All AL are welcome
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • krisztina33krisztina33

    I'm so so sorry to hear what you are going through.  I MCed my first last week and ask myself the same questions about drug addicts, celebrities who don't take care of themselves etc.  There just isn't any rhyme or reason and it is absolutely unfair.  I know I can't say anything to make you feel better, but I'm thinking of you.  Let yourself be angry!!  I think it is totally normal to feel that way.

     <<hugs>>

    TTC #1 since November 2011
    ** BFP #1 - M/C at 6 weeks 4/13/2012 **
    ** BFP #2 - expecting a little leprechaun!! EDD 3/21/13 | HB 7/30/2012 (6w3d) **
    NT Scan 9/4 - looked great! | Grow, baby, grow!!! | A/S 10/29

    ***All AL always welcome***
    Report Reply
  • baby101010baby101010 member
    You're exactly right- It's just not fair.  There are so many people out there that shouldnt be parents and they have NO problem sustaining a pregnancy.... yet people who are responsible and physically and emotionally ready have difficutly- I dont get it! ONe of lifes great mysteries I guess...
    BabyFruit Ticker BFP #7 2/4/13- EDD 10/20/13
    Report Reply
  • Laurakat81Laurakat81 member
    I'm sorry. I agree. Its not fair. (((hugs)))

    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


    Report Reply
  • Greenbean0906Greenbean0906

    I'm so sorry for your losses. I definitely went through a very angry stage after my miscarriage also. You're absolutely right, it is just not fair & I wish I could say something that would make it a little easier but it comes down to, it's just not fair.((hugs))  

    BFP 12/25/11 , 1st U/S @ 8wks diagnosed BO, 2/6/12 D&C,
    2/13/12 Partial Molar Pregnancy diagnosed
    Forced break for two cycles
    TTC June 2012

    imageimage
    Report Reply
  • kelly321kelly321 member
    I'm so sorry for your losses. :-( When I first heard, my first reaction was anger, as well. I warned DH and my family (who we're staying with right now) that I seemed to be stuck in the "anger" stage of grief, so I was probably going to be quite irritable. Now, almost a week later, the anger is starting to fade. I understand, though.

    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

    Report Reply
  • LegsMcGeeLegsMcGee

    I'm sorry for your loss.  I know how you feel... I clicked on your post because I've been speaking those same words the last two days, and it hasn't been the first time.  It's not fair. 

    I had a CP last year and got my period at what would have been 6 weeks... I got pregnant right away and then miscarried at 12 weeks.  That was the most painful emotional and physical experience I've ever had.  Yesterday I had another CP. 

    It seems that this is a very supportive board.  I hope you find the strength to get through all the emotions that follow a loss.  And I hope you have good news coming to you soon. 

     

    Report Reply
  • BethanyleeBethanylee member

    I was the exact same way after my second m/c. The first one I was further along and just devastated when we lost the baby...the second time, we didn't know for very long and we didnt really allow ourselves to become as attached. It was a chemical pregnancy. I still did scream and cry in my bed when I started bleeding the morning of. I was so angry. My husband was at work and I had to wait for him to come home to pick me up and I remember calling my mom in a panic....just screaming and crying because I was so angry that it was happening to me again....

    You.are.not.alone. I'm so sorry for your loss....its NOT fair....

    Bethany McVay Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"