Sensitive question...please be gentle (kinda long)

spunky5182 · April 2012

I've always been a HUGE advocate for 100% all natural birth. (Im very crunchy) With our first we went to a MW group at a birth center. I don't in ANY WAY blame the birth center or the midwives for our loss. However with our first pregnancy we experienced a stillbirth due to cord restriction before labor at 40+3 weeks he was born at 40+5. The cord wasn't wrapped and no knots it was explained to us that he most likely just leaned on the cord while I was sleeping and passed. He was 8lbs 15oz and 23in and delivered vaginally. I'm not diabetic and didn't have gestational diabetes.

Now for the question:

How many of you would still consider a natural birth at a birth center if this happened to you?

We're currently in the middle of our TWW for our 3rd pregnancy.

While we're trying we decided to interview our other options. We visited a local hospital that has nurse midwives (we saw them through our miscarriage) and although they were very nice they still want to induce no naturally at 39 weeks.

Then we went to an OB (referred to us by other BLM) which happens to be a HR office. They want to induce at 38 weeks and said I'd be a perfect canidate for c-section. I don't want to be led by fear and ultimately at the end of the day I just want a screaming baby in my arms but it's hard for me to shake my strong beliefs of OB's, hospitals and c-sections. If having a c-section means I get a healthy screaming baby then fine cut me open. I just want to know that I did everything I could to give my baby the most natural start possible.

The birth center will take me back and we'll start natural methods of induction starting at 38-39 weeks.

Thoughts? Be gentle, Im extremely emotional.

littlemac1117 · April 2012

I am so so sorry for your losses, I can't even imagine.

I guess I am a little confused about why the OB office says you would be a good c/s candidate or why they are considering you for one.

If it were me, I would still do the birth center unless something during your pregnancy indicates otherwise. But obviously its totally up to you. I'm not sure, does that answer your question?

laurieb602 · April 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not sure what I'd do in that position. I'm using a birth center after our loss but my son died of a NTD, so it's a bit different. I can totally understand your concern. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for your family. You have to be at peace with it. This would be a tough decision for anyone I'm sure

QueenofAnything · April 2012

I hope this isn't insensitive and if it is ignore me; I can be socially awkward.

If it was determined that you lost your child due to him leaning on the cord, how will seeing an OB vs a CNM (or whathaveyou) "fix" that issue? It's entirely possible that I'm missing something, but that seems like something that could just randomly happen no matter what type or quality of care you've received.

And of course, I am so so sorry for your loss.

lilyaster · April 2012

I'm so very sorry for your losses. It must be very hard to try to picture yourself going through childbirth again. I think either option would be fine but what's most important is what you're comfortable with. If I had been through a stillbirth I would probably want to be in the hospital with continuous monitoring for the birth, but that may not be the best choice for you. Maybe you can try to visualize yourself giving birth in those different settings and go with what feels most right for you. I'm sure either would provide excellent care.

LindseyJW · April 2012

oh hon, my heart breaks for your loss. there are just no words. i hope that you have been able to make peace and that you get all the support you need as you move through this pregnancy.

know that every pregnancy is different and that what happened to you and your precious baby before is not likely to happen again, no matter where you choose to birth.

that said, i don't know what i would choose to do. i am a two time homebirther, though the first time i had to transfer during labor for a non-emergency c/s. i still chose to homebirth the second time, albeit with a great deal of effort to keep the anxiety about hbac'ing and developing PPD again at bay. i can fully understand and support a mom in your situation electing to have a cesarean at 39 or even 38 weeks. while it is not the type of birthing i would want to experience, i imagine there is some comfort in the perceived control over that birthing experience.

this has not always been my view, but after watching a friend go through a late loss, a subsequent pregnancy and counseling her about her birthing decision, i can fully understand a woman choosing this option.

spend some time connecting with this baby and asking him/her what he/she wants. picture yourself in various birthing settings with various types of providers and see if you can sense where you feel most comfortable.

good luck with whatever you decide! and most of all, don't be afraid to connect with this baby. this is a new baby and a new life. embrace it and get help whenever you need it. you deserve to have a wonderful experience!

Sawyerplus1 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your losses. You've gone through some incredibly challenging things and I think whatever you feel is right and best for you and your LO, will be what you should do. I wish you many blessings, whatever you decide.

That said, I would probably stick with my plans for MWs, a birth center, and a natural birth. If your LO passed as they said he did, by no ones fault, misdiagnosis, etc, then I don't see how being under anyone else's care would have changed anything. As pp said, unless your next pregnancy indicates a different route of care, then I'd stick with what your heart feels.

All the best to you, momma!

jessandandy09 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss, it is heartbreaking to lose a child and No one should have to go through that pain. I am not very knowledgeable on cord compression. But I would for myself probably want to do whatever put my mind at ease. I am very pro-natural birth but after having lost a child I cant say for sure that I wouldn't freak out about everything. (I have lost an older child and know that our losses stay with us and effect every choice and every relationship in life). You should do what ever your heart tells you to sweetie.

pixieprincss · April 2012

I am so very sorry for your loss. This is a highly personal decision with no right or wrong answer besides what feels right you and DH.

I can share is the stories of some women who are dear to to me who faced similar choices (albiet their babies did make it)...one mama had baby's cord come out first. She went from home to hospital by ambulance into an emergency c-section. She is planning a home birth for her next PG because the likelihood of that happening again is very rare to begin with and is not one of those things where she has an increased risk because it happened once. Another mama I know dealt with shoulder dystocia. Because that can indicate something about her anatomy, she choose a hospital birth for the next delivery. She actually planned a HB and then in the last weeks of PG decided to go in to the hospital because she just wasn't at peace at home. She went on to have a HB with another child after that baby.

There is no right answer here despite what you and your DH have the most peace with. Where will you feel the safest physically? Emotionally? Those both are highly valuable sides of the decision. We are told that a healthy baby is all that matters, and in many ways that is true. But, that doesn't mean that the emotional side holds no value. It is also very vital.

For me, barring a distinct concern with a current pregnancy that OB care could address better, the answer for where I feel safest is out of the hospital and with a MW on both the physical and emotional counts. But, another family would answer differently and that is a perfectly acceptable thing, too.

clynn58 · April 2012

I don't know what I would do in your shoes but just wanted to give you a big (((((HUG))))))

jellybeanjean · April 2012

So sorry for your loss, mama.

I can't imagine why it would be any safer to do a c/s than a vaginal delivery (whether you opt with OBs or MWs). I'm an L&D RN, and while I've seen patients request C/S's for current losses, as they just can't stand the emotional length and depth of labor, I have never seen a C/S recommended for a previous loss that delivered vaginally (unless it was a loss from a shoulder dystocia or something directly related to a vaginal delivery). You have a tried and tested pelvis, you've delivered vaginally before, and you're a perfect candidate for another vaginal delivery. Whether you feel more comfortable with MWs or OBs is a personal preference that might not be evident until you experience the pregnancy in question, but I would think either would do thorough monitoring and opting for a vaginal delivery with whichever practitioner you desire would be the most logical and natural outcome.

Good luck -- praying for a quick BFP and a healthy, happy, screaming baby for you in about 10 months!

caralck · April 2012

Sorry for your losses. I think what happened was just a freak thing and would have happened no matter who you were seeing or where you were planning on delivering. I think that using a birth center would be fine but maybe do more monitoring at the end with NSTs and BPPs just for peace of mind? WIll it prevent the same thing from happening? No, unfortunately not but if it were me, it would make me feel better. And I guess I would consider asking to deliver around my due date since it's before the time the prior baby had died.

MrsFelts · April 2012

I'm so so sorry for your loses. I can't imagine what you've been through. That being said it does sound like the loss of your baby at 40 weeks has nothing to do with who you were receiving your care from. If I were in your shoes I would probably go back to the birth center. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in October, and from my experience the midwives at the birth center where I'm going for care now have been so much more sensitive than any doctors that I saw after my miscarriage. As long as your pregnancy progresses well and isn't high risk I believe the birth center would be a great option for you. From everything I have experienced midwives seem to be so much more personable, caring, sympathetic, understanding, and emotionally supportive than most other health care professionals. And I believe that is exactly the kind of care you're going to need this time.

pepomntpat · April 2012

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I imagine the OB thinks you'd be a good candidate for a c/s because you had a big baby and a stillbirth. Those are valid reasons for a lot of OBs. They have the most control in those situations and it is what makes them feel safest. That doesn't mean it is necessary or that it makes you feel safest.

I am not sure what I would do in your case. I had an unplanned c/s and that came with its own emotional baggage-separation from my daughter, not being able to move easily to get to her when she was crying. Birth is such an emotional experience I think it is important for you to do what makes you feel safest. There are risks to every decision and you have to choose which risks you are willing to take and which you are not.

It is great that you have options available to you. You have a lot of time to make a decision. Just realize it is highly unlikely such a thing would happen again no matter how you give birth to your next LO. {hugs}

BrittanyLeannM10 · April 2012

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. Well In my opinion this could have happened to anyone & its a traggic accident that can't always be explained but just cause it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again. I think in every pregnancy there will always be a risk of a cord accident, placenta rupturing or many more problems that can arise. You just have to have some faith that it won't happen & try not to stress it but know that with every pregnancy there is also a good chance that no problems will arise at all. I also lost a baby but he was 3 months when he passed but I still fear of loosing my rainbow baby to a cord accident, stillbirth etc. I guess cause its a reality that I've lost a child before so it could happen again but I have decided to do an unassisted birth at home because I've had two really bad experiences with hospitals & I want a new fufilling experience & the chance to birth in the comfort of my home with no drugs, nowon poking & prying at me or wisking my baby away after birth. I birthed my two first children easy so I feel everything will be ok at home cause I am comfortable giving birth. You just have to trust your instict & prepair yourself, if you feel the need to go with the c-section don't beat yourself up for it. Its a tough situation so just be gentle with yourself & do what you feel is best. Either way just be hopeful for a happy healthy raInbow baby... HUGS

kim_and_tony · April 2012

Would being back at the birth center bring back too many sad memories, making it harder to have a happy experience?

Personally, I delivered in a hospital with a NICU because I wanted every option available should something go wrong.

radak · April 2012

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You need to do what you feel 100% comfortable with. If it would be the same center, I would go back for a few very involved visits. I had some pregnancy losses early, and I had to make my peace with the hospital before I went back for the birth of my baby. If you are comfortable there. I say go for it.

But, if you think that you would feel more comfortable in a hospital setting or in another setting, then you go for it. I found some fetal monitoring comforting for me, but they had to be very very few and far between. I don't know how you feel about that. Only you know what is good for you.

radak · April 2012

As far as the induction, would the OB be open to pushing the induction date back? My OB did the same thing, even the midwife was pushing me to induce. I went two days "late" and glad I stuck to my guns. In the end, I figured, they couldn't force me to induce. But, it was a lot of tears and a lot of energy, and if I were to do it again, I would go with a different OB, but I have a lot of choices were I live.

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