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June 2011 Moms
chuicafina
member
BFP #2: 9/29/12; EDD 6/8/2013; m/c 10/5/2012
BFP#3: 1/29/13; EDD 10/5/2013 - Baby Claire arrived 10/6/2013
Article- SAH/Natural parenting anti-feminist?
chuicafina
member
Has anyone seen this article about SAH with your kids being anti-feminist? The article was linked by a natural parenting blogger I follow and is getting quite an uproar in the comments. Thought it would be interesting to get the June mom perspective.
https://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/news/stay-at-home-moms
In case you don't have time to read the full article, here is the gist-
-Why would women get advanced degrees just to stay at home and not use it? Raising a child is 18 years of your life, life expectancy is getting longer and longer, so what will you do after the child is grown?
- Breastfeeding for more than a few months ties a woman down. Why give up your independence when you can give formula? (The term, "nursing animal," actually comes up...
)
- It's good for kids to grow up with a working mom. It's important for women to work in order to have financial independence from men.
- Cloth diapering, co-sleeping, natural child birth, making your own baby food (basically any "naturalist" type of parenting thing) takes away from your independence as a woman and your relationship with your spouse.
Discuss!
My food & craft blog: Fraises et Tartines
BFP #2: 9/29/12; EDD 6/8/2013; m/c 10/5/2012
BFP#3: 1/29/13; EDD 10/5/2013 - Baby Claire arrived 10/6/2013
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Article- SAH/Natural parenting anti-feminist?
Oh man. This woman makes me absolutely livid. I am trying to calm down enough to say something coherent.
To me, feminism is about the fact that woman can and should be able to make any choices that they want. Her attitude toward some of the choices that I am making for myself, my baby, and my family is very judgmental. Why does she get to judge these choices, but it isn't ok to judge the choice of women to bottle feed or work? (and I don't judge these women, just making a point)
I plan on going back to work when my kid(s) start school, so I'll be out of the workforce for less than 18 years. But I think it is pretty insulting to older women to say that once your kids are grown "it's much to late to make a living in the workplace." What if a working woman wants to change careers at that point? You can't start a new job once you are 40??
Also this quote:
MC: You also point out that the amount of time women spend with their children has gone up enormously.
EB: Absolutely. And the parents are less happy. They're always full of anxiety and guilt that they never do enough for their children. And I find that incompatible with the desires of women today. The majority of women in Western countries want to have economic independence, too.
I don't see how being a SAHM is more likely to make you any more guilty that a working mom. I agree that moms should let go of guilt and anxiety, but I don't think that has anything to do with how/where you raise your children.
The breastfeeding stuff is completely ridiculous. You can look at dozens of medical journals that will tell you that formula is not "almost as good." That is nothing against mothers who choose or need to FF. It is just the medical truth. So I don't know who this woman thinks she is to say there isn't much difference.
And the sex thing is ridiculous too. We've certainly had our fair share of women on this board who got pregnant while BFing. So her concerns about it affecting intimacy are obviously not true for many couples.
I'll stop ranting now.
I didn't read the article because just reading what you posted upset's me. I don't agree with any of it except the first thing. I am not saying that I agree with it exactly but I can see the point behind it.
If you have children young, or if you know you are going to be a SAHM, I don't really see the point being putting the money into advanced education. Or let me find another way of trying to say it. I don't think if you know you will be a SAHM, that you should put off having children just for advanced education. I hope that makes sense. If you do that before you have children anyway, before getting married, etc.... then that is a great accomplishment, but I can't see putting that off for advanced education if you know you will SAH.
Now I do get the point behind it to an extent, what if you can't SAH anymore, what if you get a divorce, what if you decide to get back into the workforce earlier than expected, what about when your children are grown. I do get that but I still don't think it should be put off for school if you have other plans in mind.
On that note, I think all of the other points make no sense what so ever and I think this person just dug themselves a grave.
Beyond ridiculous. There are plenty of gems I would like to address, but I have to go be a slave to my husband and children soon and make dinner, so I'll just pick this one:
"Homemade baby food is terrific if you know how to cook and have time to make it. But why demonize commercial baby food, which is balanced, quick, and accessible to fathers?"A great deal of her argument is predicated on the assumption that a father does nothing for a child when the mom SAH. I guess a father can't possibly be expected to make baby food.
Oh and I didn't realize that I had to SAH for 18 years because I am SAH now. I would also like to point out that I know several women who have taken the opportunity to SAH and pursue education that will help further their careers when they re-enter the workforce.
Feminism should be about choice for women. Women should be able to chose what what they want (whether we are talking about working outside the home, SAH, FF, BF, whatever) and not have obnoxious people calling them infantile nursing animals.
Yeah, she's right I AM a nursing animal. We are all mammals...our bodies were scientifically designed to provide nurishment for our young. We are just like cows, dogs, cats...I'm totally OK with that. I'm totally OK with people not bfing too...
To me THAT is what feminism is about. Being OK with your own choices and allowing others to make their own choices. This lady is missing the point. I went to school for a very long time and spent a lot of money on my education. If I want to walk away from my career right now to stay at home with my son 24 hours a day, it shouldn't matter to her one bit because as a woman it should be and is my choice and nobody elses.
Amen. I sometimes get annoyed by what feminism has become because I feel like it is forcing women into feeling bad about not taking advantage of what was fought for. I feel like we've totally lost sight of that fact that the genders are different and the differences should be respected. True feminism would be allowing women to function equally in society while accepting their differences from men. I feel like women should be fighting for equal pay for equal work and independence over health care decisions. Not telling someone they are wasting their degree by raising a family.
Yes, I have a blog and it's hilarious (except when it's not)
They're discussing the same book on Slate.com. I hate this woman's attitude that there's SO much pressure to do the make-your-own-baby-food, cloth-diaper, "natural" parenting thing. There's pressure both ways! There are posts on the Bump all the time about BFing moms getting bothered by their mother/MIL/DH whatever to feed bottles.
I do a lot of the things she talks about (not SAH, but CD, make my own food, BF) but I do them for many reasons, one of which is saving money! Which she does not seem to consider. My DH and I both put in a lot of work towards the house and baby, so I don't see how it hurts our relationship.
Amen to you. There are more important issues out there to be addressed. Her issue is that she doesn't like my choices, but the issues mentioned above don't allow for a woman to make choices about her pay or healthcare.
Does anyone know if the author has kids?
Sorry to post and run. I was busy scrubbing the bathroom and breastfeeding my baby (read: wasting my graduate degree). Yes, I agree with all of you that feminism is about choices for women. I like how Ashley put it (I think it was you), that the way the feminist movement has been moving toward making women feel bad for not choosing the things that were fought for.
The thing about store-bought baby food being "accessible to fathers" totally made me
. I mean, TBH, my husband has not made one ounce of our son's baby food and I do the majority of the cooking for our family. BUT, that is because these are things that I love to do and am passionate about. We met another couple with a young daughter recently, and the dad was the one who was excited about making all her baby food. I can't believe that a modern woman (and purported feminist) would be so short-sighted as to assume that only a woman can cook.
I will say, though, that I've worried about getting back into the work force after taking time off to SAH. My field (public school speech pathology) is almost all women, and plenty of us take time off to be with our families and then re-enter, but even still, I worry about losing my clinical skills, losing out on years of experience and losing credibility when I do go back to work. I am not saying that I agree with her blanket statement about SAH, just that I question whether it's right for me.
My food & craft blog: Fraises et Tartines
BFP #2: 9/29/12; EDD 6/8/2013; m/c 10/5/2012
BFP#3: 1/29/13; EDD 10/5/2013 - Baby Claire arrived 10/6/2013
That rubbed me the wrong way too. My H has made plenty of food for my DS. He is just as capable of steaming some vegetables or blending some fruit as I am...how is homemade food not accessible to a male? Talk about a sterotype...
I agree with you, 100%.
My food & craft blog: Fraises et Tartines
BFP #2: 9/29/12; EDD 6/8/2013; m/c 10/5/2012
BFP#3: 1/29/13; EDD 10/5/2013 - Baby Claire arrived 10/6/2013
I agree completely. I always knew that I wanted to be a SAHM, but how was I supposed to know if that was always going to be possible? I wasn't ready to be a SAHM at 18 and wanted to be a nurse, so off to college I went. Although I only "use" my degree a couple days a month, those four years in college were about so much more than some letters after my name. I grew up in so many other ways than just mentally/academically. Who knows when DH could lose his job, become unable to do his job, etc? I love my career and I love being a SAHM -- for right now, being a SAHM is what's right for my family, but I love that I always have options if my desires change or my family's needs change.
According to an article published in June 2010, she has three children (https://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/06/fashion/06Culture.html?pagewanted=all).
I agree with everyone who says that feminism is about women having the choice to either work or stay home. I am so over women tearing eah other down with judginess instead of supporting each other. I don't need to be "saved" from the choice I feel lucky to have the option to make, thank you very much.
peace,
katharine
Book-Kitten blog
As someone who still struggles with the whole SAH/WOH thing, articles like this just make me sick to my stomach. Why do women feel the need to attack each other like this?
I went back to work after maternity leave and tried to make it work, but after three months, I knew I couldn't do my job and keep our family running. I'd be lying if I said that MH's job didn't have something to do with the decision. He works 70-80 hours a week, every week and is just not in a position to contribute as much around the house. There is no option for him to cut back. Do I wish sometimes that I stayed at work? Yes. Do I LOVE being a SAHM? Also, yes. Do I sometimes worry about what could happen if something happened to MH's job? Hell yes. Would I figure something out? Yes, because even though I BF, CD, make all of E's food, etc., etc., etc., I am a feminist and I get sh*t done.
Related side note - when I left my job, a woman that I worked with told me I was teaching my daughter not to respect women because I gave up my career to stay home with her. Seriously.
That is HORRIBLE! I know that I totally feel judged as a working mom in my peer group (all are SAH, those that won't be don't have kids yet) because I don't SAH (we cannot, DH is working and getting his masters right now, I'm the primary income, heathcare, etc, I HAVE to work). It makes me feel so left out, and I just am trying to do what is best for our family. I love both worlds, and both are hard work. Yes, I work hard doing what I do, and trying to do my best for my family, but that doesn't mean that I'm better or worse than anyone else. We all love our kids, why can't we all just support each other?
I agree with all of this. Two years ago DH had an accident at work. He had three surgeries and was out from work for over three months. He has another surgery scheduled for August or September from this same accident. I had recently been laid off and we were planning to TTC before this happened. Had this not been a work-related accident, we would have been in trouble and I would have been forced to find another job immediately.
Our choice was for me to be DH's caregiver during that period and drive him to daily appointments and be his "nurse" instead. It was my choice, not anyone else's (well, DH and me). After his recovery, we TTC'd and now I SAH with DS, which was our plan.
I in no way feel like my degree is being wasted. My mom had her master's and SAH with my brother and me until she passed when I was 21. She would take part time work to pay for fun things like extravagant vacations, but it was her choice to do so. I think, personally, her having a degree (or three as she did) made me appreciate education. She taught me much more than I ever learned in school and I credit her background for doing so.
I know that my degree is more than a piece of paper. It's a time period of my life that was for exploration, learning to be on my own and for growing up. It was an expensive piece of paper, but the experiences were worth every bit.
I will encourage DS to do what he wants.
ETA: I also fail to see how cloth diapering isn't also a father's job. In our house, I do all of the laundry by choice. (DH always seems to put a red something in with the whites...) When he's home, we change an equal number of diapers. Our choice for cloth vs. disposable makes no impact upon the number of times DS does his business in his pants.
Yeah because doing all these things for our kids that cannot fend for themselves is a waste huh? We should always put ourselves before our kids....maybe her kids will do the bare minimum for her when she is old the roles are reversed...
Forget the sanctity off Marriage and forever . I better go get me a good job so I can support myself when H and I finally get a divorce... :I
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