Any of your husbands stay at home dads?

anchalmasako · April 2012

For three months I'm going to be doing an internship, and my husband will be staying at home with our daughter (will be 1 yo). If any of your husbands stay at home, do you have any advice for me? I've been staying at home since she was born, so I feel as though I have to essentially teach him what to do at what time, but at the same time not be too micro-managing......

Also, do your SAHD husbands have groups they meet up with? I think that would help him, especially if we decide that I should keep working after the internship....

maddie80 · April 2012

Yep! But he has been home since day one with DD. DD is his first child though, and my second. My advice would be to give advice when he asks for it, and don't sweat the small stuff. Dh definitely does things differently than I would, but they get done and DD is happy, healthy, clean, fed, and loved on every minute of the day, which is the most important thing to me.

sheryn2 · April 2012

My DH has been a SAHD PT for 5 mos. My advice is to let him find his way, although providing an initial activity checklist could be helpful (e.g. music, exercise, dance, out-and-about, skills, etc.) I was impressed when DH pulled out an activites book to get more ideas. My DH gets out of the house a lot with LO but has yet to connect to another SAHD. He is open to me finding a SAHD meetup. He's doing a great job, but still defers to me sometimes (e.g. "LO's nap what long, what do I do about her meal?") which is both endearing and annoying. In fact, if he did know it all, I'd probably be envious, so just as well. We're still a team!

GL!

Kadyra · April 2012

Make sure you're on the same page. Dh and I get into trouble when he deviates from our plans without discussing or when we venture into new territory. Otherwise, just don't hover. If dh is floundering or asks for advice, help. Otherwise, let it be. It's his child too. He shouldn't do anything too weird if you make sure you each know where youre coming from.

shaindelr · April 2012

My guy has been a SAHD from day one, and it works really well for us. The complaint most ladies on here seem to have is about DH's having trouble with multi-tasking -- cleaning, laundry, etc., but I'm not good at that stuff, so that hasn't been an issue with us.

It's hard for me to get Jared to take Liam to story time at the library and things like that. He has done it, but he's always the only dad there, so I think he feels weird about it. I bought a year-long family pass to our Children's Museum (which is really like a themed playland), and he LOVES taking him there, and will take him there all the time.

The only thing I wasn't ready for (emotionally) was that he completely took over. He scheduled all of the pediatrician appointments and took Liam and then would tell me after the fact what happened. Like, "Oh, don't touch his leg; he got two shots today." I guess he figured since he was in charge, I was on a "need to know" basis.

I don't really have any complaints at all. A few weeks ago, on a fluke, Jared forgot an appointment, and I asked on here about family calendars for moms with SAHDs, but other than that, it's great for us.

racampbell1 · April 2012

maddie80:
My advice would be to give advice when he asks for it, and don't sweat the small stuff. Dh definitely does things differently than I would, but they get done and DD is happy, healthy, clean, fed, and loved on every minute of the day, which is the most important thing to me.

Agree with this completely. My DH is working outside the home now, but he stayed home with DD from the time she was 4-15 months. Communication was key, and letting him find his way so he didn't feel micromanaged. Your DH will do great, and how wonderful to have this time with LO

EastCoastBride · April 2012

maddie80:
My advice would be to give advice when he asks for it, and don't sweat the small stuff. Dh definitely does things differently than I would, but they get done and DD is happy, healthy, clean, fed, and loved on every minute of the day, which is the most important thing to me.

This is advice I think EVERY mother needs to take- not just those whose DH's are going to be SAHD's!

Also, I'll say that your DH being in the position of primary caregiver will be wonderful. For the fact that you have to "teach" him - this will end up giving HIM a lot of confidence that he might not otherwise gain for a long time. He won't have to turn to you, ask you, etc.

I've seen frineds go through this - not as a SAHD, but for various other situations - once their DH was "forced" to be the primary caregiver in certain situations, they gained so much more confidence and they really became a TEAM in raising their kids.

CrazyToast · April 2012

DH works an opposite schedule of me and is the SAH parent because of that. He has been doing it since I came back from maternity leave.

DH has no SAHD group to hang out with. We looked and there were none in our area.

DH mainly spends his day with DD, trying to get some things done (we've learned to communicate on what we need to do). DH & DD have a really good relationship because they're together all the time. Once DD was about 9m old, DH had a lot more fun with her.

Your DH will be fine - but it will take adjustment on everyone's part.

ksyknelvr73 · April 2012

My DH is a teacher so he isn't a SAHD but he does stay home with LO during the summer and extended breaks (like Christmas) while I am still working full time.

I always leave him a schedule with information on when DS should eat and nap - last summer DS was still on a bottle and only 4ish months old so I left out a VERY detailed schedule, but this summer it will be way easier since he eats regular meals and takes naps at the same time each day. I also give him ideas on what to feed DS for breakfast and lunch.

Honestly, outside of that, I let him kind of wing it and do what he wants. He manages to fill the time just fine : )

oooCarrieB · April 2012

My DH is a WAHD. He is a writer, so he works part-time from home with our baby and also works another job on the weekends and in the evenings. He does not go to any baby groups since he is trying to get stuff done during the day while LO sleeps or plays. He has been home with the baby since I went back to work at 9 weeks and he does a great job. He writes me a report like day care does so I have a better idea of feedings, napping etc.

I'm sure your husband will figure it all out.

EmilyStL · April 2012

My husband is home with our daughter 2-3 days a week. Like some other PP's, we have opposite schedules, so I usually take over for him when I get home. I did do a lot of micromanaging in the beginning, and I guess I still do to some extent, because my DH can be oblivious. Like I'll need to tell him what to dress her in for the weather, otherwise she'll be dressed completely inappropriately. I also sit down on Sundays and write out a little menu for what she should have for breakfast and lunch all week. My husband does great with her. I love that they have their own close bond, and that I can count on him for caretaking tasks like feeding her and putting her down to sleep. I think he likes that he can do it too; he's pretty confident in his parenting ablilites, and sometimes it's ME going to HIM for tricks on how to get her to nap better or whatever. It really does help make parenting teamwork, and really, housekeeping too.

kristennd · April 2012

DH has been the one home all along, so there was never an issue of me teaching him anything.

I'd think a lot of it will depend on how involved he's been up to now. If he's already used to preparing meals and changing diapers and getting LO to sleep, then all you really need to do is write down the usual times for meals and naps. Hopefully he also already knows what activities/toys she likes, etc.

We're in a smaller, rural area so there aren't any groups. There are two for SAHMs but they say on their websites that they don't allow men because it makes nursing uncomfortable for some of the members. He does attend the weekly baby storytime at the library and enjoy talking to the other parents there. He's rarely the only man. And there's a free indoor playground in a mall that they regularly visited during the winter. But the lack of adult contact does really get to him. When he wants to meet up with friends, even if it means I'm home alone with a hyper LO at the end of a major day, I always encourage it.

cmsdouglas · April 2012

I'm glad you posted this! I go back to work next Monday and DH will be home with DD. We're both nervous about it, even though I know he'll do fine. It's nice to hear positive stories and it's also good to hear the tips to avoid micromanaging... I need to listen to those!

Want a personalized experience?

Any of your husbands stay at home dads?

Re: Any of your husbands stay at home dads?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards