Online Dating NOT going well :/
Melicakes
member
I have met one guy so far. He seemed really promising, we had a lot in common according to our profiles. he contacted me first. We emailed a bit then exchanged numbers. Then we texted a bit and maybe after two days had an actual phone call.
It lasted 3 hours! We had a lot in common and it just seemed like we really clicked.
We talked daily that week.
We were supposed to have a date 4/14. Earlier that week he realized his train to work puts him right outside of where I work so we had an early meeting. He walked me to my bus and kissed me on the cheek before he left when it arrived .
Then Friday he said he has to postpone the date for another week due to working late. I said OK I understand. He hasn't called since...
I sent an email after about 4 days asking if I said or did something to put him off ( lame I know but I just had to know if I needed to fix something about my behavior or something) he wrote back and said no I'm awesome and he can't wait to talk to me again and that he'd call that night.
No call...
WTF? I have current pictures on the site , both up close and full length so it cant be my looks, right? I am just so frustrated...
And apparently my profile has been viewed over 1100 times... But only that one guy showed any interest...
Pity party for one, right here...
Re: Online Dating NOT going well :/
Becca yeah it is tough, you're right about that !
I was questioning my self but not in a detrimental way, but you know it's been like 3 years I am single, so sometimes I have to wonder if it is something that I putting out there...But I do realize I will probably meet a lot more Mr. Wrongs before I hopefully meet a potential Mr.Right...
Definitely better to weed out the frogs, ,my prince just has to be out there waiting for me somewhere!
I didn't read any snark into your reply, don't worry.
I really don't have self esteem issues, but I guess in this case it might seem that way.
I just couldn't understand why the sudden lack of communication when it seemed things were going positively. The logical person in me figured there must be a reason WHY and so I thought I'd ask. I wasn't going to lose anything since he seemed to already have lost interest. And if he had been honest about something that might have turned him off it would have been a learning opportunity for me to either improve in a way , or realize that we didn't click in quite the way I thought we had.
I am very big on speaking the truth and just being open and upfront.
If I met a man and didn't feel a vibe I'd be upfront and say so.
I forget ocassionally that a lot of men ( or people in general I should say) do not have this same way of thinking and think ingnoring someone is the better way to go about communicating a message.
This is exactly what I was thinking too. I just started online dating - it's rough. I would let it go for a few days. If I was really interested I might send a text or short e-mail (whichever seemed to be the main method of contact) asking how his week was going. If no response then I'd write him off. He may have gotten busy with work, had a family emergency, etc. You never know. If that's the case then contact might have picked back up. I wouldn't ask someone if I did something wrong. If someone asked me that I probably wouldn't see them again.
Hang in there!! Are you using one site in particular? Maybe try another? I've heard that different sites are better for different areas and switching between them can give you a whole new pool of potentials.
Also, I can commiserate. I was chatting with someone for a few days. We exchanged some texts then had a long phone call (maybe 2 hours?). We were supposed to meet up for a late lunch today. He was supposed to call this morning to let me know where to meet him. No call. No text. Nothing. We talked last night and confirmed we were on for today. I'm trying just to shrug it off. I don't want to date anyone like that anyway.
I get where you're coming from. I guess it's just been so long since I had such a positive interaction (seemingly anyway) that for it to go sour so quickly really threw me for a loop. I'm not dwelling on it or anything, I just needed a moment to vent and whine.
Thanks for the listening ear and thoughtful replies !
It's been my experience that before you can start any kind of dating, you have to be ok with being alone first. It makes a huge difference. When I date, I go into it with not caring either way if it works out. I'm single, and I'm happy being single. I don't need a man in my life to make it better. I'd like the companionship of one. But, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. This puts me in complete control. Don't text me? Ok, I won't text you, either. No call? So what? I'll just move on.
I don't mean this disrespectfully. I just think you have to be OK being alone before you can have healthy relationship. A lot of people would rather be in a relationship for the wrong reasons than alone for the right ones.
I felt no disrespect in your reply and I actually agree with you.
I get what all of you are getting at, and I can see how what I said/did could be misconstrued as an esteem issue. I promise you it's not. I'm just a very rational person and I feel like most if not all things have a reason for happening or an explanation as to the turn of events.
This is the first time I've even taken a stab at dating in the three years I've been single...
I wanted to know IF it was something I said or did because I am all for self improvement, not to mention if I was putting out something bad ( be it bad breath or a sour face or something) I'd want to correct that just because it makes sense ( to me anyway).
I wasn't looking for his validation of my self worth or anything like that.
I liken it to when you apply for a really great job. You just know you have the skills to kick this job in the @$$. You put on your best interview outfit, and knock the socks off of the interviewer. They love you and they say you'll hear from us soon.
And then you don't. I think naturally you'd start to wonder, was it something I did or said? Was my skirt to short? Was there a typo on my resume I didn't see? Did I have poppy seeds in my teeth?
Do you know what I mean?
But thinking those thoughts doesn't mean I think I am unemployable, or never going to get a great job, but I'll be sure to do a more thorough run through of things before I go on the next interview.
I am fine being alone. I've lived alone for almost ten years. Even when I was married I was pretty alone most of the time ( hence one of the reasons my X-H is my X-H) and since our separation I've continued to be alone.
I had my daughter alone and I am raising her alone.
I'm perfectly OK being my own company, but it would just be nice to have someone to share things with and spend time with that's all.
I don't NEED a relationship, but I have no problem admitting I'd LIKE one.
Yep, that's it, exactly !
I'm glad you can see my point of view.
But sometimes at the very beginning stages even something as little as a phrase someone says on a regular basis, or how they chew their food can be a turn off. You don't like the person well enough or know them well enough to have REAL feelings so anything can throw the "crush" into a tailspin and send things south. I know I've been guilty of thinking I was into someone after one date or two, then realize that I really am not AT ALL. It has nothing to do with them, or that they did anything wrong, they just aren't right for me, because of whatever reason.
I totally agree with FFRush that you have to be 100% ok being alone before you can date in the most healthy way possible. Once you are fine by yourself you know that anyone who comes into your life must enhance it, or they need not apply.