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June 2012 Moms
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Sad vent...(kinda of long...to explain)

mamayo26mamayo26 member
in June 2012 Moms

Ok, so last Friday my mother called me and told me that my step father (who I am not close with--but put on a good face for my mother and step sister) has head/neck cancer. He found a growth months ago, but due to needing emergency kidney stone surgery (this is at least his 5th in 15 years) he had to postpone the neck surgery.

Anyway they don't really have a diagnosis or prognosis yet, but I am not really sure what to do here. The man is a proclaimed agnostic and into "natural remedies" and "healing". My mom told me the spent all last weekend at a "healing seminar". Now I know that there is a place for this, but from what she described it sounded like a lot of medicine man misdirection BS to me. At least he will be doing this on top of Western medicine (chemo/radiation) if needed.

I feel bad for the man, because I actually know what he is going through as I was diagnosed with head/neck cancer 5 years ago, but thankfully have been clear since, fingers crossed for my appointment in two weeks that I am still in good shape). But I feel like he will let this "healing stuff" get in the way. He has been taking minerals and herbs for years, but doesn't drink much water ('cause he doesnt' like the taste'--um it's water), so he drinks pop and juice and milk (well no wonder he has kidney stones).

So I am actually more concerned for my mother and step sister as my mom is not an emotionally strong person, and I have no idea how my step sister will react if he has a bad prognosis. And not to sound selfish, cause this suck for everyone, but I don't want this to taint the birth of my son. It is supposed to be a happy and joyous time, but knowing my mother the way I do, she will blow a lot out of proportion (She actually called DH to ask him how to tell me about my step father...I think she thought the news was going to send me into preterm labor...)

Sadly this is not the first cancer news I have gotten in my family (even sadder is that it probably won't be the last) among other bad health news...lots of health issues in my family...it sucks!

Anyway I just needed to get that off my chest, so thanks for listening/reading...whatever.

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Re: Sad vent...(kinda of long...to explain)

  • jamiah18jamiah18 member

    Thought and prayers for your step dad and your family. 

    Cancer is such a frightening thing.  Hopefully he will beat it!   

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  • cchill01cchill01 member

    I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully, his cancer will be in early stages.

    As long as he's still seeking Western medicince, I see no problem in adding other non-traditional practices.  As long as they're not taking his money or advocating non-treatment, then it's probably harmless...kinda like praying.  And if someone truly believes in the power of prayer or alternative medicine, it can help create a positive frame of mind.

    Hopefully, the birth of your son will lift everyone's spirits.  Babies are amazing like that.

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  • JessieCupcakeJessieCupcake member

    imageNSYoder26:
    And not to sound selfish, cause this suck for everyone, but I don't want this to taint the birth of my son. It is supposed to be a happy and joyous time, but knowing my mother the way I do, she will blow a lot out of proportion (She actually called DH to ask him how to tell me about my step father...I think she thought the news was going to send me into preterm labor...)

    This does not make you selfish. It is natural to feel this way. It is so hard when you are trying to celebrate something happy in the midst of others struggles. My brother was diagnosed with cancer literally the day after I got engaged. It was horrible. I was an emotional wreck over his diagnosis and also upset because I felt like my family and I could not be happy. I sometimes wished my H could take it back and have a do over later.

    But we still tried to celebrate the happy things. It was not easy and the time was not as joyous as it could have been under different circumstances but we tried our best. 

    I hope that your stepdad and family finds strength during this difficult time. T&Ps to you all.

     

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  • KrissyMissKrissyMiss
    imagecchill01:

    I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully, his cancer will be in early stages.

    As long as he's still seeking Western medicince, I see no problem in adding other non-traditional practices.  As long as they're not taking his money or advocating non-treatment, then it's probably harmless...kinda like praying.  And if someone truly believes in the power of prayer or alternative medicine, it can help create a positive frame of mind.

    Hopefully, the birth of your son will lift everyone's spirits.  Babies are amazing like that.

    Agreed!

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  • jixjix

    My mom has had cancer three times in three different places and my only advice is to not show them that it's worrying you, it will freak them out even more. Just be supportive and talk about it as if it's normal convo. When you get home, have a good cry if you want.

    Not nice always being the strong one, but the 'not so strong' ones appreciate it and need you more than you can imagine.

    Trusting that you are still "clean" and well done on beating the big C!

    Good luck, much love x

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