Who did you have at the birth?

cmb2 · April 2012

Hey all ...

Longtime lurker...I'm expecting my first at the end of August and am studying the hypnobabies method of natural birth and am giving birth in a birth center.

Question for all of you that have had babies or are expecting - who will you have with you at the birth center? I would honestly be completely happy with just having my DH there and then seeing everyone for the first time when I bring her home, since you only stay at the birth center for hours after birth, but I'm worried I might hurt my MILs or mom's feelings.

My mom wants to be there which I'd be completely fine with, but my MIL is very high strung, although she really is amazing, I just don't even want the stress of thinking about her being there while I'm giving birth!

What did/will you all do?

**ETA** I'm talking about them being in the waiting room, not in the delivery room with me!

Temp76535187505890 · April 2012

I had only the essentials.....husband, midwife, doula and nurse(s). BIL/SIL were at our house when we got home because they were watching our son. I would have rathered they not been there but it was what it was. Had this been #1 I would have wanted to get settled at home and rested for a minimum of a few hours before any family members came to visit. And then I would have limited it to immediate family like my parents, his parents and siblings.

FyreFlyeRush · April 2012

I'm a single parent both times, so BD won't be there (who wants their ex?) and wasn't there the first. With DD, there was no waiting room time. My mother was with me during delivery. With Alien, anyone can be there save my his father. The man threatened to take him away from me...uh-uh. During delivery, I want my mother, BFF, and DD (who will be 16 in June). However, DD is a little nervous, so I'm not going to push the issue. My sister wants to come, and if the Army will let her off, I've decided she can be there. I find myself wanting to be surrounded by strong women who love me, and these are the strongest women I know. No men allowed kinda thing. Don't know why...but it just feels right for me.

tngrl3 · April 2012

I have a ways to go, but have already started thinking about this. There's a good chance it will be just me and my BF. if one of my close friends ends up being my doula she will be present but that's about it. My mom will drive me crazy and we both know it's best if she is not present for actual delivery. My 2 sisters that live close don't handle blood, guts, or anything medical well so I wouldn't put them in that position! I'm ok with people visiting later on but I want to keep it to a minimum for the birth itself.

SWBs Wifey · April 2012

DH and our doula were all I allowed in the room. My Dad, sister and grandparents all came to the hospital while I was in labor, but not for long at all since I wasn't progressing all that quickly. DS was born at 3:16 AM so they were back at the hotel/house sleeping. I didn't care who was in the waiting room since it didn't affect me at all. I think my grandparents came in to the L&D to see me once, but only for a minute before DH and the doula asked them out. They both knew I didn't want anyone else in the room. That would have included my MIL, had she been able to come, but if my mom were alive, I'd have wanted her in the room with me. I LOVE my MIL, but wouldn't feel comfortable with her in the room because she's an epidural pusher and I want(ed) to go natural. This time, DH and doula will be there, but that's it. No one else will even know I'm in labor except the people keeping DS1.

LindseyJW · April 2012

congrats!

i also had a HypnoBirthing, and one of the joys of learning a hypno-based childbirth method is that you become a pro at tuning out distractions. i can't fathom a world where i didn't have my mom at my birthing, but she also drove me bonkers in my first birth. her behavior didn't change the 2nd time, i just paid her zero attention. it was really a non-issue. at the beginning of labor, she insisted on timing surges and couldn't figure out how to use the laptop application DH set up for her (which was all a big commotion b/c i hadn't intended on timing anything). all she had to do was hit the enter button. this is not rocket science. anyway, i digress i just tuned her out from that point forward. the neat thing about hypnosis is you can still hear whatever you want to hear and be present and alert for whatever you choose to participate in, or not! i communicated and interacted with her in very meaningful ways during my labor (a home vbac), but when she became obnoxious, i just tuned her out. and i didn't care if her feelings were hurt. this was my only chance at a vbac and i'd be damned if she messed that up!

to answer your question: my birthing team (MW, her assistant, 2 doulas), DH and our 4yo DS, and my parents. DH's parents live 5 minutes away but were not invited. my siblings (sister and brother) and BFF were invited but were not able to come.

anna7602 · April 2012

I had DH and our doula present at DD's birth.

My mother was still giving me grief about not being present at DD"s birth until about 6 months ago. She is a very high-anxiety person who also happened to be very unsupportive of an unmedicated birth, so there is really no way I could have had her there and focused on my labor. Sadly, she still doesn't get that and insists that I was "wrong" in prioritizing an unmedicated labor over having my own mother present at DD's birth. According to her, labor is painful and I should have had an epidural and she should have been at the hospital with me.

Sigh.

CocoBrynne · April 2012

My mom and Dh were in the delivery room and my dad was in the waiting room. I didn't want anyone else in the waiting room bc I felt like it was too much pressure.

robyn2201 · April 2012

There was no one waiting in the waiting room when I had DD. But my family lives 2000 miles away and DH's entire family happened to be out of state on vacation. DD came 2 weeks early.

This time around, I don't see Dh's family coming down to the waiting room. Someone is going to have to watch DD and most likely it will be the IL's. It's also the 5th grandchild so while they are super excited it's not the same as the 1st.

erb82 · April 2012

Just DH and the doctor. My mother probably would have been in there, since we're close and she had 4 natural births herself, but she lives on the other side of the country. MIL and FIL were in the waiting room and came in to the delivery room within 10 minutes of DD being born. (Actually MIL accidentally walked into the delivery room while I was pushing, but we've never actually talked about that- I don't think she knows I saw her, and she felt terrible.) This time my little sister is coming to the birth, since she's about to start nursing school and very interested in being a labor and delivery nurse, and she's also one of my best friends.

Sawyerplus1 · April 2012

With my 2 previous deliveries, only DH was in the room with me. With DS, my mom was waiting outside for the last hour or so, but she came on her own (ie. uninvited) b/c I had been in labor for so long. She got nervous and came over, which i wasn't expecting, but was fine. With DD, no one came to the hospital until about 5 hours after DD was born, and no one (except my mom who was watching DS for us) knew I was in labor. This time we're at a birth center that will discharge us after 4 or so hours, so my hope is that we'll make our calls once we're settled back at home (with the exception, of course, of whoever will be watching the LOs).

adriel85 · April 2012

I am terrified of having my DH in there. I am not even pregnant yet and I am terrified that he will be like WTH is that coming out of you or something. I am hoping to birth in the position I want and that isnt always the most flattering anyway. I am hoping to have a midwife, my photographer friend and possibly a friend who has already had a kid that is awesome at calming me down. My husband wants to be there but I dunno... I told him last night that there is a good chance that my intestines will empty out as well (was that a nice enough way to put it

) and he was like ok so??? I was like you dont even like seeing blood!!!!! sigh who knows maybe I will come around to the idea. Also he likes to think that he knows everything and I dont want him suggesting things while I am trying to push out a watermelon. He has NO IDEA what that would be like and I might just try to strangle him with my iv drip if he does LOL.

RockyMtnMama · April 2012

With the first kid - We had nobody in the waiting room. I did have my DH, my younger sister, and 2-3 friends in the labor/delivery room with me most of the entire time I labored and during the delivery. Oh and there was also the midwife and one nurse.

For DS#2 - We had my DH and my two close girlfriends there for the delivery, along with 2 midwives (during shift change) and a nurse. They didn't have a waiting room at the birth center the second time.

Both times I lived far from family.

StefandTodd · April 2012

At my birth were my H, my doula, my midwife, and two nurses.

We only told my MIL we were in labor when we were heading to the hospital (about 4 hours before he was born), and told everyone else, even my own mom, after he was born. We only even told my MIL b/c we needed her to come into town to take care of our dog. And she didn't leave her house (2.5 hours away) until after we sent out our "he's here!" announcement so we really could've waited even to tell her.

principessa81 · April 2012

There was no one in the waiting room when I had DS. We were living in a suburb of Boston at the time, and I gave birth in Cambridge. My parents live in Wisconsin, and DH's parents live in Alabama. To be honest, that was just fine with me. I love my parents and my in-laws dearly, but my mother can be very aggressive and high strung, and I didn't want her barging in the room at the wrong time or hassling the medical staff. (My mother is not a doctor, but she thinks she is). When I give birth the next time, she and my dad will probably fly out for the birth but stay at our home with DS until the baby is born.

julyjennifer · April 2012

I wouldn't have your mom/MIL there at the birth center waiting room if it were me. For both our births (one hospital, one at home) we ended up not calling anyone until after the babies were born. The labors just seemed to go so fast and took all our attention. I didn't want to feel like anyone was waiting on me, I think that would have distracted me or made me feel more pressure somehow.

You can always call them after the birth with the news and if there is time for a visit at the birth center fine, if not, see ya at home!

annabelle.27 · April 2012

Just my husband and medical staff (drs/nurses the first time, midwives the second). Both times, my parents and sisters came to visit starting 12 hours after the birth. My inlaws didn't start coming over for several days afterwards.

BelleIsa · April 2012

With DD, just DH and the nurses who came in periodically to check progress. With this one, I'll have DH, my midwife and my step-mom with me. I love my step-mom very much and want her there for support (my dad will be at home, looking after DD).

I'm looking forward to having more support with this birth! DH was great, but he didn't know what was going on more than I did... having my midwife there will be awesome, and my step-mom was a 911 operator for 35 years so I know she knows how to keep her cool and be supportive.

theladyjess · April 2012

I had a NB in a hosptial. My mom and Hubby were my labor coaches and my sister was there as well.

My sister had said the entire time I was pg that she didn't want to be in the room for the delivery because it's "gross and disgusting and smells nasty" (I have no idea where she got the "smells" part). I figured my sister would excuse herself when the time came but she never left. She was great about getting me cold washcloths for my face and even held one of my legs while I pushed. Later I asked her why she stayed in the room when she had said she didn't want to be in there and she told me that she was waiting for me to kick her out. I told her that I thought she'd leave on her own and we both laughed.

MrsMandaK · April 2012

For my last two labors, I had my DH, my mom and my 2 sisters in the room with me. This time, my first attempt at a med-free birth, I think I might like things to be more low key and just keep it between my husband and me. Everyone else can still come and be in the waiting room, I just feel like I'll need extra privacy to moan, groan and waddle around the room this time!

beh3e · April 2012

I don't think I'll really care who is in the waiting room, they'll just be warned before they come that once pushing starts, they will be stuck out there. As far as in the room, I hope to have my BF and probably my mother. My mom's my best friend and my rock, and I think she could really help me if I start freaking out, whereas my BF is more likely to start freaking out himself if I lose it lol.

Lou&Beth · April 2012

I am planning on having DH in the room with me the whole time, and having just my parents there until active labor and then they will be in the waiting room. DH's mom is nice, I don't have many issues with her for the most part, but she can be pushy at times and I don't want anyone anywhere near me that might make me feel rushed. My mom is pretty tough and I don't see her telling me she thinks I need an epidural or things like that, if anything I feel like she would encourage me to stick to my plan and suck it up because the pain will be over soon. I know my mom can also be pushy at times, but my dad has always been very good about reminding her that she already had her wedding and she has her own house and that I get to make my own decisions. So that's why I really want both of my parents there.

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