Baby in my bed-Help me avoid a bad habit

Melicakes · April 2012

Ok, so CC has been STTN since 8 weeks. Until about 2 weeks ago it was truly STTN with no wake ups from 10pm to 6-7am.

But lately, she has been having mini wake up episodes throughout the night.

I say mini because most times she never truly wakes up and is just fussing and kicking and tossing and turning with her eyes tightly shut.

I will rub her belly and replace her pacifier and she'll calm down and go back to "sleep". But then she'll have another episode like an hour later.

I tell myself not to pick her up unless she's full on awake and crying, but when I've only slept like 90 minutes through her little parties, I cave and just pull her into bed with me.

I know that's not a habit I want to form or for her to get used to.

But what can I do to prevent the episodes in the first place?

She goes to bed usually around 9:45-10 after a 5-6 ounce bottle (and her bath time routine before that). She falls asleep in my arms after the bottle and some rocking and then I place her in her basinett next to my bed with her sound machine turned on. I've tried putting her down drowsy but that doesn't work yet, and I don't mind rocking her, I think that's a lesser evil than the whole in my bed scenario...

I don't think she is actively teething, so what else could be making her stir so often?

Thoughts and advice welcome!

ladychicago · April 2012

It is likely just a developmental stage... periods of wakefulness around 4 months aren't uncommon. but I, personally, would ignore those wakings if she isn't actively crying. If she might otherwise be able to calm herself back down and put herself back to sleep, that is a CRITICAL skill... and you intervening could be preventing her from being able to learn that, you know? (of course, if she is awake and really upset, that is a different story, and I think then you are either in "make it work" or "time to sleep train" territory - depending on your thoughts on those matters). Anyways, if it were me, I would move her out of your room so you aren't woken up until she is more awake/making more noise (via the volume control on your monitor). I know that goes against SIDS recommendations (though, our pediatricians still don't fully buy into that specific recommendation and don't encourage it) - but this is exactly why we can't sleep with the kids in our room past 2-3 months. They just get too noisy, even when they don't need our help, and then we are sleep deprived for essentially no good reason.

But there is no "right" answer here - just finding a solution that works for you and her!

DeputiesWife · April 2012

I truly dont have any advice, but wanted to let you know you're not alone.

I think that everything you're doing sounds good....i would typically rock her back to sleep or sing her a lullaby...sometimes she was hungry...trial and error....

::hugs:: and here is to hoping more sleep is in your future!

EastCoastBride · April 2012

I largely agree w/ ladychicago - especially w/ getting her out of your room! There is a good chance you will BOTH sleep better - you won't hear her, so you won't get up and touch her, which probably does wake her a little more than you might realize, and could be affecting her ability to sleep the rest of the night.

OrangeSmoke · April 2012

ladychicago:

It is likely just a developmental stage... periods of wakefulness around 4 months aren't uncommon. but I, personally, would ignore those wakings if she isn't actively crying. If she might otherwise be able to calm herself back down and put herself back to sleep, that is a CRITICAL skill... and you intervening could be preventing her from being able to learn that, you know? (of course, if she is awake and really upset, that is a different story, and I think then you are either in "make it work" or "time to sleep train" territory - depending on your thoughts on those matters). Anyways, if it were me, I would move her out of your room so you aren't woken up until she is more awake/making more noise (via the volume control on your monitor). I know that goes against SIDS recommendations (though, our pediatricians still don't fully buy into that specific recommendation and don't encourage it) - but this is exactly why we can't sleep with the kids in our room past 2-3 months. They just get too noisy, even when they don't need our help, and then we are sleep deprived for essentially no good reason.

But there is no "right" answer here - just finding a solution that works for you and her!

Agree with LC here 100%. I think right around this point I turned off the monitors as well. If they were really crying, their room was close enough that I'd wake up, but it did teach them how to put themselves back to sleep.

Mouseygail · April 2012

ladychicago:
It is likely just a developmental stage... periods of wakefulness around 4 months aren't uncommon. but I, personally, would ignore those wakings if she isn't actively crying. If she might otherwise be able to calm herself back down and put herself back to sleep, that is a CRITICAL skill... and you intervening could be preventing her from being able to learn that, you know? (of course, if she is awake and really upset, that is a different story, and I think then you are either in "make it work" or "time to sleep train" territory - depending on your thoughts on those matters). Anyways, if it were me, I would move her out of your room so you aren't woken up until she is more awake/making more noise (via the volume control on your monitor). I know that goes against SIDS recommendations (though, our pediatricians still don't fully buy into that specific recommendation and don't encourage it) - but this is exactly why we can't sleep with the kids in our room past 2-3 months. They just get too noisy, even when they don't need our help, and then we are sleep deprived for essentially no good reason.
But there is no "right" answer here - just finding a solution that works for you and her!

Another ditto here. We moved him out of our room around 5 months and we didn't go in to get him unless he cried for more than a minute or two (and we probably should have given him a little longer..but I couldn't stand it).

Melicakes · April 2012

Oh man, I knew the suggestion to move her out of my room was going to come up. I can't tell you how when I read that , my stomach totally dropped.

It makes me SO nervous to put her in her crib in her room. And I wish I could explain why. I mean , I know WHY but I don't know why it affects me so much.

She can roll both ways. She has great head control and can pick her head way up off a flat surface. I have a video monitor. But the very idea of not being able to see her next to my bed gives me the shakes.

In her bassinet, she likes to scoot allll the way up to the edge and plant her face in the corner... Even at the risk of waking her up I always pull her down. I just can't in my mind take the risk that she could somehow impair her breathing.

I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it..

I'm a bit of a mess right now....

I suppose in her crib it'd be better because there's open space between the slats?

Mouseygail · April 2012

Melicakes:
Oh man, I knew the suggestion to move her out of my room was going to come up. I can't tell you how when I read that , my stomach totally dropped.

It makes me SO nervous to put her in her crib in her room. And I wish I could explain why. I mean , I know WHY but I don't know why it affects me so much.

She can roll both ways. She has great head control and can pick her head way up off a flat surface. I have a video monitor. But the very idea of not being able to see her next to my bed gives me the shakes.

In her bassinet, she likes to scoot allll the way up to the edge and plant her face in the corner... Even at the risk of waking her up I always pull her down. I just can't in my mind take the risk that she could somehow impair her breathing.

I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it..

I'm a bit of a mess right now....

I suppose in her crib it'd be better because there's open space between the slats?

its tough...and I STILL have times where I get panicked and have to go in adn check on him...but...its been good for all of us. We all sleep better and therefore are happier

ladychicago · April 2012

Melicakes:
I suppose in her crib it'd be better because there's open space between the slats?

absolutely! The crib is a much safer place (assuming there is just a sheet and nothing else in there) than a bassinet once they are mobile. There is NOTHING to get in the way of her breathing. and a lot more space to scoot around.

I know it is stressful though. Every stage of parenting is full of these decisions which feel incredibly scary - and letting go (whenever you choose to do so) is always really, really hard. Be it the crib, when they learn to walk, playing on the jungle gym without you RIGHT there... it never ends. But they are always ok. (((HUGS))) Hang in there. Hope you find a solution that feels right for you and are getting more sleep soon!

choco_lab · April 2012

I totally agree with putting her in her own room. The first nights are hard but your video monitor will get you through. I bet she will not have the mini wake ups. You can always just say you will try for a week and if not better go back. But 4 mo is a huge developmental age and a great time to do this!

Melicakes · April 2012

ladychicago:
Melicakes:

I suppose in her crib it'd be better because there's open space between the slats?

absolutely! The crib is a much safer place (assuming there is just a sheet and nothing else in there) than a bassinet once they are mobile. There is NOTHING to get in the way of her breathing. and a lot more space to scoot around.

I know it is stressful though. Every stage of parenting is full of these decisions which feel incredibly scary - and letting go (whenever you choose to do so) is always really, really hard. Be it the crib, when they learn to walk, playing on the jungle gym without you RIGHT there... it never ends. But they are always ok. (((HUGS))) Hang in there. Hope you find a solution that feels right for you and are getting more sleep soon!

I guess that's the funny (ironic?) part, her crib has no bumpers, no toys, not anything. Just a sheet.

But it's in her room. Which isn't my room.. know what I mean?

It is right next to my room but nothing is closer than next to my bed.

Sigh...

Maybe I will give crib sleeping a shot this weekend when I can spare the sleep since I don't have to be up for work...

scooterq · April 2012

Meli, I am going through the EXACT same thing with Jack right now. And Jack and CC are very close in age. The only difference is Jack is starting to teeth, which is no fun At.All.

For the last week he's been waking up every hour or so and then when he sleeps a little longer, I'm still waking up and checking on him because then I'm worried about why he's not making noise. Which is totally ridiculous bc he had been STTN since about 10 weeks.

I know I need to move him to his crib in his room for a variety of reasons, but I'm having major anxiety about it too.

LIAngel · April 2012

Melicakes:
ladychicago:
Melicakes:

I suppose in her crib it'd be better because there's open space between the slats?

absolutely! The crib is a much safer place (assuming there is just a sheet and nothing else in there) than a bassinet once they are mobile. There is NOTHING to get in the way of her breathing. and a lot more space to scoot around.

I know it is stressful though. Every stage of parenting is full of these decisions which feel incredibly scary - and letting go (whenever you choose to do so) is always really, really hard. Be it the crib, when they learn to walk, playing on the jungle gym without you RIGHT there... it never ends. But they are always ok. (((HUGS))) Hang in there. Hope you find a solution that feels right for you and are getting more sleep soon!

I guess that's the funny (ironic?) part, her crib has no bumpers, no toys, not anything. Just a sheet.

But it's in her room. Which isn't my room.. know what I mean?

It is right next to my room but nothing is closer than next to my bed.

Sigh...

Maybe I will give crib sleeping a shot this weekend when I can spare the sleep since I don't have to be up for work...

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. I put both kids in their rooms when they were 2 months old. They were just too noisy and I even turned down the monitors. I figure I would hear them if they were full on crying.

EastCoastBride · April 2012

Well, try to think of the positives. Like I said before, if you move her out, you might BOTH sleep better for it. And sleep is so important for babies/kids. It could be a really good thing for her. Plus, if you get more sleep - YOU'LL be more alert and awake and happy during the day.

dusk42 · April 2012

You could always sleep on an air mattress in her room for the first few nights if you are worried. I would say to choose the option where you get the most sleep - either have her in her room or in your room but in either a crib or a pack-n-play that is larger/more ventilated than the bassinet. You can wear ear plugs to block out the little sounds if she is in your room (you'll still hear her if she is really crying).

I would not let her be in a traditional bassinet if she can scoot her face into it - those scare me since they seem very enclosed.

etoyama · April 2012

Melicakes:
Oh man, I knew the suggestion to move her out of my room was going to come up. I can't tell you how when I read that , my stomach totally dropped.

It makes me SO nervous to put her in her crib in her room. And I wish I could explain why. I mean , I know WHY but I don't know why it affects me so much.

She can roll both ways. She has great head control and can pick her head way up off a flat surface. I have a video monitor. But the very idea of not being able to see her next to my bed gives me the shakes.

In her bassinet, she likes to scoot allll the way up to the edge and plant her face in the corner... Even at the risk of waking her up I always pull her down. I just can't in my mind take the risk that she could somehow impair her breathing.

I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it..

I'm a bit of a mess right now....

I suppose in her crib it'd be better because there's open space between the slats?

(((HUGS))) I totally understand what you mean. G started doing what CC is doing right around the same time. By 5 months it was too much and now we bedshare. It works for us, but I know it's not for everyone. I hope you can find a solution that works for both of you!

MBandBud · April 2012

This brings back memories...I kept DD in her bassinet in our room until over 5 months. She literally was hitting the side of the bassinet when she rolled over. I would also try to move her down, but at 5 months, she was just too big. It was SOOOO hard for me to move her. But when I finally did we both slept better! My only regret was not doing it sooner. It was so very hard and I was so emotional about it. Honestly if your LO is going towards the sides the crib is much safer - b/c of the slats - and that is what my DD was doing - she would still hit the sides in her crib but it woudn't phase her or me b/c it was safe - the bassinet freaked me out the way she would get crammed in there.

Good luck - it is not easy - I think you will be refreshed after you make the transition!

JM1977 · April 2012

Hugs to you!

Our DD slept in a Rock N Play in our room until just over 6 months. It worked for us. I was just not ready to have her away from us before then. We did all start sleeping better once we moved her, but I don't regret waiting until 6 months. It was rough on me for the first few nights, and I think I had to be at the point of really being ready to be able to tolerate it.

You'll know what's best! Hang in there!

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