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Trying really hard not to take it personally...

chicagocubsfan23chicagocubsfan23 member
in June 2012 Moms

So this weekend was really rough for me emotionally and I'm trying really hard to just get over it. I want to just get over it because being upset about it seems silly to me... Anyways, this is what happened...

DH and I were fooling around and he felt the baby kick. Now he says it's just too weird/uncomfortable for him to have sex. He assured me that it has nothing to do with my appearance or me, just that he feels uncomfortable with it knowing that his baby is inside me more so now because he's so developed and he can actually feel him move. I know that makes it more real for him. I'm trying not to take it personally because I know he can't help how he feels, but I'm at the stage where I'm starting to feel huge and unattractive, so I feel rejected, even though in my head I know that isn't the case. I was really down about it all weekend, but tried not to let DH know how much it bugs me because I don't want him to feel guilty or bad for feeling how he feels. Is anybody else's DH like this? Am I crazy for feeling a little hurt? Maybe it's just the crazy hormones... I probably need somebody to tell me to just buck up and get over it!

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Re: Trying really hard not to take it personally...

  • PregNerdPregNerd

    If I've learned anything about emotions is that fighting them is useless. You feel how you feel and that is what is right for you.

    It's hard enough to deal with our changing bodies and the weight issues and to still try and feel like we are someone that our SOs find attractive and sexy. It's almost like 'if we have sex then I'm not unattractive and...' and it's 'he doesn't want me right now which means we'll never have sex again/ our sex lives will never be the same/ he doesn't find me attractive anymore.' Ya - I'm with you on those. 

    All I can do is offer up some *hugs* and be here to listen when you need to vent. Less than 8 weeks to go!

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  • chicagocubsfan23chicagocubsfan23 member
    imagePregNerd:

    If I've learned anything about emotions is that fighting them is useless. You feel how you feel and that is what is right for you.

    It's hard enough to deal with our changing bodies and the weight issues and to still try and feel like we are someone that our SOs find attractive and sexy. It's almost like 'if we have sex then I'm not unattractive and...' and it's 'he doesn't want me right now which means we'll never have sex again/ our sex lives will never be the same/ he doesn't find me attractive anymore.' Ya - I'm with you on those. 

    All I can do is offer up some *hugs* and be here to listen when you need to vent. Less than 8 weeks to go!

    Thank you! It helps so much to just know I'm not alone. None of my friends have gone through pregnancies so they don't really relate to anything I talk about when it comes to the pregnancy. I lost almost 20 lbs for our wedding, and got pregnant on the honeymoon, so I think that is playing a factor into how I am feeling now too. I am lucky though because I do have a wonderful DH and he has always been there for me, so hopefully these next couple of months pass fast... for both of us!

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  • courtfsucourtfsu

    I'm so sorry for how you are feeling, but please know you are not alone.  It does get weird for them and it's partly ego (I might hurt the baby kinda thing).  They also start viewing you as the mother of their child rather than their hot momma wife.  It's upsetting, but so natural.

    I was very thin at our wedding and got pregnant 6 weeks later.  So for the past 2 1/2 years, I have either been pregnant or breast feeding, so it has been so hard to feel attractive.  Just know that after LO is born to devote time to yourself and when you and your husband come back together, it will be great!

     

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  • rbarrettrbarrett
    It's the same for me :)  We sat down and had a long talk about it and both decided that unless each one of us is comfortable, it is not worth it.  So we do other things and spend lots of snuggle time and it has helped.  I'm sure it will change after the fact!  You aren't alone!!!
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  • 3giraffes3giraffes member

    You're not alone.  DH has told me that he is having a hard time with our occasional intimacy.  A couple weeks ago we didn't even finish... I tried not to be bothered but broke down sobbing.  DH felt horrible.  I explained that I was trying to understand his side of things but it was very difficult for me still.  He compliments me constantly and shows his attraction to me but I do miss the physical connection sometimes. 

    I really feel that it's important to be honest about your feelings... he has been honest about his.

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  • chouli77chouli77

    Try not to take it personally. My DH stopped wanting to DTD about a month ago. He doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but I totally understand that my body is drastically different and he's not attracted to pregnant bodies. Mentally,  I know I can't blame him for that any more than I could be blamed for not being attracted to certain things in men. He also is squeamish about knowing our son is in there and moving around, and he's worried about hurting the pregnancy w/ our activity. Emotionally, it is hard for me to know DH isn't attracted to me right now sexually (he still thinks I'm cute, beautiful, all that). We talk about it and address the issue anytime I am feeling low about it which is every other day or so. I think the open communication helps.

     

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  • mamameg11mamameg11 member
    This happened to us when I was pregnant with DD. DH got all freaked out (I feel like I'm poking her with my penis!" LOL!) and we don't have much sex while I am pregnant, especially in the later months (now) since belly and baby are big. It did hurt my feelings at first, but I eventually got over it. If we were doing it and something living poked me from inside his body, it would probably weird me out/ruin the mood for me too. We snuggle a lot instead, and he still showers me with attention and kisses. I miss getting booty, but will survive til 6 weeks after DS gets here. Hang in there girl!
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  • LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member

    This is exactly what happened during my first pregnancy. DH wouldn't touch me with a 10 foot pole in a sexual manner and it hurt me so bad. I literally cried about it daily because my hormones made me want sex so badly and there was zero intimacy between us.

    I felt sad and ugly for weeks and weeks. I figured he didn't want me because he found me fat and unattractive. Don't beatyourself up, some men just get weird about the pregnancy thing. He literally could not wait to jump in the sack after baby though so I feel his fear was truly how he felt and I tried not to take it personally.

    Now I am nice and round with #2 and DH and I have sex constantly, every day if it was up to him. He said he is over his fear and feels different. (I also gained 25 lbs. LESS this time so far, though he won't admit the weight thing even though I think it's part of it).

    Don't fret though, it's very normal, especially when they start feeling baby wiggle around. 

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  • Mt2G1012Mt2G1012
    I'm sorry you feel like that.  I can understand why, but I'll tell you, I feel like your DH.  Pregnant sex sucks for me and weirds me out with her moving.  It is just weird, like my kid is in the room when we are having sex.  I just can't get into it.  Try not to worry too much, we are almost done and get to have non pregnant sex again!!  Just talk to him and keep communicating.  There are other ways to be intimate that do not involve sex. 
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  • Sawyerplus1Sawyerplus1 member

    imageheatherm818:
    I'm sorry you feel like that.  I can understand why, but I'll tell you, I feel like your DH.  Pregnant sex sucks for me and weirds me out with her moving.  It is just weird, like my kid is in the room when we are having sex.  I just can't get into it.  Try not to worry too much, we are almost done and get to have non pregnant sex again!!  Just talk to him and keep communicating.  There are other ways to be intimate that do not involve sex. 

    Exactly this. Try to not take it personally, but I know it can be tough. I'm more like above poster though. This LO moves SO much and it's so visible through my belly that I just can't get into it with LO dancing around, punching DH, etc.  I think even the fact that I've gained LESS weight this time around doesn't help, because I feel like myself with just a big round basketball under my skin, squashed between me and DH. Remember that there are other ways to be intimate without having sex (which is what DH and I are focusing on), and there may be other positions that you may find work better (like with DH spooning you). Keep the communication open, go easy on each other, and good luck. 

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  • KristinKWashingtonKristinKWashington member

    Funny enough, MH and I started to mess around and he discovered my gigantic underwear I was wearing. I can't even call them panties, because they are so far from it.

    That killed it for him. I just started laughing.

    I do get the feeling of rejection. I associate sex with being intimate and loving another person. When MH gets weirded out, I tend to take that personally.

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  • jixjix

    I'm lucky that my DH thinks I'm sexier than ever and can hardly keep his hands off me, but my advice to you would be to remind your DH that there are plenty other ways being "sexy together" than intercourse.

    And I read somewhere that no matter how big he thinks he is, baby will NOT be able to feel him. PLUS, it also said that baby will most probably enjoy the "rocking motion" without knowing what's going on obviously.

    Good luck

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