I apologize in advance for how long this is. I appreciate any thoughts, though.
I'm a nanny for a 9 and 5 year old. The older kid has a temper problem, he has angry out bursts with his brother and hits him all the time, whenever anything doesn't go his way he will scream and cry and throw things... totally age inappropriate and when I reprimand him, he just says, "I don't want to do my homework so I can throw my iPhone!"
Lately he's taken to telling me that he doesn't have to do what I say because his mom is my boss and she can fire me. And, "mommy tells you what to do." Yesterday, he wanted to play in the basement in the toy room with his brother. I needed to make lunches so I told them they had to stay in the living room so I could keep an eye on them. I didn't say this, but I just don't trust the older one because he is always hurting the younger one. He punches him in the back of the head, he pushes him off things, throws things at him, kicks him. And then he gets even angrier when the younger one tells me about it and he hits him some more. So I only let them play together when I can see them because, truthfully, I'm afraid he will really hurt the younger one if he's not careful.
Well, he started with the "Mommy lets me do it all the time and she's your boss. She'll fire you for not listening." Then this morning, his mom said that it was okay for them to play in the playroom alone and I don't need to keep an eye on them. I don't know what to do about this, because I am not comfortable leaving them alone. Should I let them do it and then once something happens revoke that privilege and just explain to their mom that he couldn't keep his hands off the little one?
A lot of the time, if I tell him to do something, he will just call his mom and complain. Yesterday, I told him he had to take a shower while we were in the car and when we got in the house, he immediately ran to the phone and called her and said, "Since it's such a nice day out, do I need to take a shower now or can I do it when you get home?" and she told him that he could wait until she got home (like 4 hours later). So he hangs up and says, "See, Mommy is the boss and you can't make me do anything." and then jumps around the living room playing. I'm not sure if she doesn't realize or doesn't care how manipulative he is, but I have no control over him because he knows he can call his mom and complain and take away any authority I have. But what can I do, call his mom and say, "I know you said it's not a big deal if the shower waits, but I'm trying to make a point here that he needs to listen to me." ...? I don't think that would go over well.
But honestly, I think I'm going to quit. I love the little one to death and the parents are great, nice people. But I can't stand the older one, he is so rude and obnoxious and angry and doesn't listen to ANYTHING. He won't stop hitting his brother, he won't stop throwing things, he won't stop crinkling his homework into a ball when he has to do it, he won't stop screaming whenever he doesn't get his way.
I thought about having him call his mom and repeat to her what he said to me the next time he makes some comment about not listening to me, but I don't think he would.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I especially appreciate parents' opinions and how you would react if this were your kid.