Planned Adoption

Cmartin6706 · April 2012

Does anyone have any experiences with a planned adoption? By that I mean, you have someone carry a child for you, but the baby is not genetically linked to either intended parent? This is the only difference between surrogacy and planned adoption.

Thank you,

Christopher

IRR · April 2012

No, sounds even more complicated than adoption. GL with that.

Dr.Loretta · April 2012

Nope, never heard of it. Do you mean you adopted from a woman in a crisis pregnancy, or you're adopting from someone who intentionally got pregnant in order for you to adopt her child?

bumpuser794640 · April 2012

Dr.Loretta:
Nope, never heard of it. Do you mean you adopted from a woman in a crisis pregnancy, or you're adopting from someone who intentionally got pregnant in order for you to adopt her child?

Or do you mean something like surrogacy using donor embryos? Kind of like surrogacy + embryo adoption?

Cmartin6706 · April 2012

Adopting from someone who specifically got pregnant so we could adopt. In our situation it's a very close friend.

Cmartin6706 · April 2012

My wife and I have had 10 failed embryos so we can't use her eggs. Plus we can't afford donor eggs. Our close friend offered to be a surrogate for us, however, bc of my own fertility issues we had to use donor sperm. It's a grey area but legally known as a planned adoption which is a bit misleading.

Dr.Loretta · April 2012

So it's your friend's eggs and donor sperm? Kind of a surrogacy issue, but the adoption aspect is because the eggs come from the gestational carrier?

Again, never heard of it, but GL in your journey. Is she currently pregnant?

silliestbunny · April 2012

That's an interesting term... can't help out... it sounds like traditional surrogacy using donor sperm... maybe if you aren't paying her, it's different?

Regardless, welcome and good luck!!

Dr.Loretta · April 2012

I'm now very curious how this works. Did you identify the surrogate yourself? Is a lawyer involved? Agency? Homestudy? Other preparations? Is this something new? Specific to your state? Etc.

JOEBunny · April 2012

My friends used a surrogate for their first child. I remember her saying that there was not a difference if the child was biologically theirs (theirs happened to be) or if they used donor or the person's genetic material and her DH's sperm. It probably depends greatly on the state your in and how advanced they are regarding surrogacy. You are using donor sperm, not just adopting their 100% genetic child. You just have to have the surrogacy agreement in place and have a lot of faith in the person. Her surrogate was in VA and we live in Georgia. I remember that her surrogate could not travel to another state after 30 weeks in the agreement because the surrogacy agreement would not be valid if she delivered in another state.

Best wishes. It is complicated, but I know this has been done successfully. You just need the right attorney.

buggerfly12 · April 2012

One of my friends did this for someone she knows, but they just considered it surrogacy. They used donor sperm, which she just inserted vaginally. The second cycle she tried was successful. To her it is no big deal. It was something she just did because she loves being pregnant but is done having kids of her own. But from the perspective of the parents of the baby, I have no idea what it was like.

Cmartin6706 · April 2012

Think of it as a traditional surrogacy but with donor sperm which is actually why it's an adoption. Our surrogate isn't married and from the attorneys we've spoken to I'm legally allowed to be listed on the b/c bc I'm the intended and perceived father. (And for all they know the biological.) DNA testing is only done to prove who fathered the child in cases when the surrogate is married.

After I'm on the b/c we can legally leave the state with the baby. NY requires a 3 month waiting period for my wife to start the step parent adoption. We plan to leave the surrogate on the b/c in case I was to die before my wife actually adopted to prevent the child going to the state. Clearly, we wouldn't do this if we weren't such good friends.

We will need a lawyer for the step parent adoption but it'll be pretty straight forward bc our friend will gladly sign away rights. We have a rough estimate of less than $2 in legal fees. Of course, there is some chance that she could change her mind but we aren't concerned in our situation plus neither state recognizes surrogacy contracts so we'd be screwed from a legal stand point either way.

We techinquely need a home study for the step parent adoption but judges can wave it plus we believe our foster parenting state home study works. We will be paying for expenses and whatever her insurances doesn't cover but she seems to have good insurance. Plus, it doesn't exclude surrogacy even though this doesn't count anyway.

It would be much more complicated if she was married. We'd be required to go through normal adoption requirements including interstate. However, most states allow for a pre-birth order which allows the intended parents not the surrogate names put right on the b/c.

Thanks to the poster that spoke about her friend. I appreciated hearing about her experience.

EclairAngst · April 2012

I'm pretty intrigued by this as I've never heard of it but, given your circumstances, it seems like a good option. I wish I had some experience to share, but all I can really offer is welcome and good luck!

KarlsSweetie05 · April 2012

I would check the links I posted above in another response about surrogacy.

Specifically I would go to www.surromomsonline.com and post over there.

Also The AFA (American Fertility Association) is based in NY and would probably be a great resource for you. https://www.theafa.org/

Resolve (National Infertility Association) has info also: https://www.resolve.org/family-building-options/surrogacy.html

Mrs.Slick · April 2012

I haven't read through all the responses as I'm on my phone and it's a pain in the rear to deal with sometimes...but I know that this type of surrogacy is not legally supported in many states. Gestational carriers (the embryo is not related to the gestational carrier in any way) and the intended parents are protected in many states.

I would assume it would operate as an identified adoption, just in this case she got pregnant for this purpose and you might not be covered legally if she changes her mind.

Planned Adoption

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