Oh 2WW emotions and drama. Sorry got long

eponine7682 · April 2012

I don't know why but I just have felt like this cycle worked ever since my transfer. I love and hate feeling like this because it just makes the disappointment worse as you ladies can understand.

This past weekend we started moving out of our apartment. I didn't lift anything too heavy but started feeling twinges after a while so DH and my parents made me stop and sit while they did everything. It sounds weird, but in that moment I felt pregnant. I felt all these things going on down there and I started to really think there could be a baby or two growing.

Other then the obvious reasons of why a BFN will suck this Friday one thing that will make it worse is EVERYONE will know about my BFN. They know I am not allowed to lift anything heavy and this weekend we completely move out, furniture and all, so once I start to help out people will know. And the opposite is true too. I hate that IF has taken away part of the privacy and intimacy that comes with having a baby that stays just between you and your SO.

Anyways, it was an interesting weekend. DH started to get frustrated about our lives and go off on anything and everything. I mean, I can understand his frustration (for those who didn't read my last few posts a quick run down is that I lost my job, got my old job back but it requires me to live on campus and with our pets it is not possible to bring them, so DH is living separate from me in small apartment his Grandma owns. Not ideal, but my job now doesn't pay enough to keep our apartment which was high on rent). Anyhoo, I feel bad, I feel like this is all my fault and while DH says he doesn't blame me, I think deep down there is some resentment.

I think in a perfect world we would hold off on TTC while we figure out our lives. However, we can only afford IVF with help of our insurance, and I can only have this type of insurance if I keep this job. He said sometimes he feels I am putting having a baby before him and I living together... I had to remind him how rare our insurance is and how this may be our only chance. From some of the things he said I just think he is upset that he has to move in with family. ARGH, sometimes people have to move back in with family..it's temporary, not forever. Let's deal! He eventually came around...he gets like that. I think it's the only child syndrome (I can say that because I am one too). He gets all worked up because he feels like the world is against him but once he gets a little perspective he feels better....I just wish he didn't have the breakdowns when I am in the 2WW. I know he can't help it but geez! I have been doing really good this cycle trying to be calm and stress free which is a lot given our situation. Well, I am glad he at least feels better!

Well, that was a lot of rambling and thanks if you made it this far. I feel like I have been such a batty mess this week!

eponine7682 · April 2012

And wow...I guess I had a lot to get off my chest. Sorry that is so freakin long!

farmerlynda · April 2012

Oh honey I'm sorry. I completely understand the insanity of the 2ww and the frustration of everyone knowing about it. My mother and I didn't speak for about a month after IVF #1 because she told my brother about it without my permission. I'm not a very public person in general, and so I hate feeling like my personal struggles are on display for the world to see.

I hope that you are pregnant, and I have a good feeling about this! And if you have a good feeling, I think that's a really good sign. (I was pretty hopeful and optimistic for most of the 2ww, except the couple of days right before I got my BFP... then I was positive it didn't work.)

Sorry about all the drama with work. It's hard because I think we women tend to see a baby as part of creating a family with our husbands -- and so the energy we spend on infertility isn't energy "taken away" from the husband, but in a way for him, if that makes sense. And we also tend to be much more willing to make short-term sacrifices for the long-term goal. I'm sorry about your new living situation and I hope that this cycle works for you so you don't have to fret about keeping the job for the insurance, at the very least!

eponine7682 · April 2012

farmerlynda:

Oh honey I'm sorry. I completely understand the insanity of the 2ww and the frustration of everyone knowing about it. My mother and I didn't speak for about a month after IVF #1 because she told my brother about it without my permission. I'm not a very public person in general, and so I hate feeling like my personal struggles are on display for the world to see.

I hope that you are pregnant, and I have a good feeling about this! And if you have a good feeling, I think that's a really good sign. (I was pretty hopeful and optimistic for most of the 2ww, except the couple of days right before I got my BFP... then I was positive it didn't work.)

Sorry about all the drama with work. It's hard because I think we women tend to see a baby as part of creating a family with our husbands -- and so the energy we spend on infertility isn't energy "taken away" from the husband, but in a way for him, if that makes sense. And we also tend to be much more willing to make short-term sacrifices for the long-term goal. I'm sorry about your new living situation and I hope that this cycle works for you so you don't have to fret about keeping the job for the insurance, at the very least!

Thanks hun, and thanks for reading all of it. Ha! I posted it then looked at my post and my jaw dropped on how much I rambled on! lol! I am a tad loopy lately. I don't like that everyone will know this weekend about whether I am pregnant or not, but luckily those who do know will know not to ask me about it and let me be.

Particularly for what I bolded, THANK YOU! This is exactly how I feel and I just didn't know how to word it. DH admitted that he is just upset about our situation and he said that out of frustration, but I would never want him thinking I care more about having a baby then living with him. I am excited to have a child WITH him and am willing to do what we need to do to have it happen.

Anyways, thanks for your kind words. You always know what to say. Geez, it's like you're a writer or something. Stick out tongue How are you feeling?? DId you have your u/s today? Thinking of you!

BeeBee08 · April 2012

Hey, I know this time can be very difficult. And it does seem like all of the sh!t comes down during these two weeks, but I can understand why DH got his knickers in a knot as well. As much as he knows you are both doing this for what you want in the future, it's probably very frustrating for him to not be able to wake up every morning next to his wife as well. He gets why you're doing it, it just sucks for him too.

Hang in there, you are almost at the finish line and I hope it's the start of a beautiful new adventure for your little family. And about everyone knowing, I know what you mean. It sucks. I had to pretend to be sick and bail out of all my Mom's invites this weekend because if I didn't drink she would know right away, so then she just guilted me and made me feel like I didn't love her. Oh Moms. Anyway, try not to think about everyone else, it's too much pressure to add to yourself. And besides, when you're still not lifting boxes, you can sit back in blissful laziness and take it all in! Good Luck!

farmerlynda · April 2012

eponine7682:
Thanks hun, and thanks for reading all of it. Ha! I posted it then looked at my post and my jaw dropped on how much I rambled on! lol! I am a tad loopy lately. I don't like that everyone will know this weekend about whether I am pregnant or not, but luckily those who do know will know not to ask me about it and let me be.

Particularly for what I bolded, THANK YOU! This is exactly how I feel and I just didn't know how to word it. DH admitted that he is just upset about our situation and he said that out of frustration, but I would never want him thinking I care more about having a baby then living with him. I am excited to have a child WITH him and am willing to do what we need to do to have it happen.

Anyways, thanks for your kind words. You always know what to say. Geez, it's like you're a writer or something. How are you feeling?? DId you have your u/s today? Thinking of you!

Teehee I hope it helped. It's something I struggled with a lot because so much of my life for the past 6 months became about researching and undergoing treatment. It definitely took a lot of my time away from our farm business which created some friction, but we didn't have to face anything as drastic as having to live separately. Still I think you and YH are going to come out on top and I really hope that you'll get good news in a few days, news that will take some of the pressure off!

As for me, nausea has set in (and strangely enough my m/s really IS in the morning) but it makes me weirdly happy! I just got a call from my MW who's running late because she delivered a baby half an hour ago. But I think we're just finding out about the u/s schedule -- no u/s today but hopefully soon!

GL and I can't wait to hear your results! Are you POASing or just waiting for beta?

eponine7682 · April 2012

BeeBee08:

Hey, I know this time can be very difficult. And it does seem like all of the sh!t comes down during these two weeks, but I can understand why DH got his knickers in a knot as well. As much as he knows you are both doing this for what you want in the future, it's probably very frustrating for him to not be able to wake up every morning next to his wife as well. He gets why you're doing it, it just sucks for him too.

Hang in there, you are almost at the finish line and I hope it's the start of a beautiful new adventure for your little family. And about everyone knowing, I know what you mean. It sucks. I had to pretend to be sick and bail out of all my Mom's invites this weekend because if I didn't drink she would know right away, so then she just guilted me and made me feel like I didn't love her. Oh Moms. Anyway, try not to think about everyone else, it's too much pressure to add to yourself. And besides, when you're still not lifting boxes, you can sit back in blissful laziness and take it all in! Good Luck!

Yeah, I get what you (and he) means. It does suck. Sometimes I psych myself into thinking positive so much that he thinks I am actually okay with things. I am going to miss him too, but we talked and we agreed he would sleep with me a few nights a week so that will make it better. Thanks hun.

I get what you mean about moms... My mom and mother in law both LOVE to drink wine and they would think that same thing if I turned any down myself. Oye. Hugs, I hope you get some great news soon too!

eponine7682 · April 2012

farmerlynda:
eponine7682:

Thanks hun, and thanks for reading all of it. Ha! I posted it then looked at my post and my jaw dropped on how much I rambled on! lol! I am a tad loopy lately. I don't like that everyone will know this weekend about whether I am pregnant or not, but luckily those who do know will know not to ask me about it and let me be.

Particularly for what I bolded, THANK YOU! This is exactly how I feel and I just didn't know how to word it. DH admitted that he is just upset about our situation and he said that out of frustration, but I would never want him thinking I care more about having a baby then living with him. I am excited to have a child WITH him and am willing to do what we need to do to have it happen.

Anyways, thanks for your kind words. You always know what to say. Geez, it's like you're a writer or something. How are you feeling?? DId you have your u/s today? Thinking of you!

Teehee I hope it helped. It's something I struggled with a lot because so much of my life for the past 6 months became about researching and undergoing treatment. It definitely took a lot of my time away from our farm business which created some friction, but we didn't have to face anything as drastic as having to live separately. Still I think you and YH are going to come out on top and I really hope that you'll get good news in a few days, news that will take some of the pressure off!

As for me, nausea has set in (and strangely enough my m/s really IS in the morning) but it makes me weirdly happy! I just got a call from my MW who's running late because she delivered a baby half an hour ago. But I think we're just finding out about the u/s schedule -- no u/s today but hopefully soon!

GL and I can't wait to hear your results! Are you POASing or just waiting for beta?

I am SO excited that you have morning sickness!!!! LOL! YAY!! Best of luck hun!!

I am SO POASIng! Tomorrow actually and everyday till beta. LOL I can't help myself...

Oh 2WW emotions and drama. Sorry got long

Re: Oh 2WW emotions and drama. Sorry got long

Choose Another Board

Search Boards