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Attachment Parenting
Question for Mommas of 2+
How close are your LOs in age, and do you think the older they are the easier it is for them to adjust to a new baby? Or do you think it's better to introduce a new LO when LO #1 is younger? I have read a few things on the subject and a lot of people have recommended that it's better for everyone is LO#1 is older (like 2+ years). Obviously we can't always plan when we get pregnant, but in an ideal world, WWYD, have them closer together or farther apart, and why?
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Re: Question for Mommas of 2+
12.5 months.
I think it's easier to introduce kids younger vs older. My LO was too young to be jealous or to really grasp what was going on. Likely if you have them 2ish years apart (or more) you'll witness some jealousy because they're more aware they're losing the attention but of course every LO is different.
Every spacing has its advantages and disadvantages. For me and my family, I thought the benefits of having kids close outweighed the downfalls.
ETA-I didnt answer why. I like having the pregnancy/newborn phase/diapers over with quicker, I wanted to SAH with my kids until school age but not take an extended leave from the workforce, I like the fact that I can teach them similar things/have similar interests in toys and activities.
DS was almost 2.5 when DD was born. We were hoping to have a 2nd when DS was 3, but our timing didn't work out that way
Both DH and I work, so the cost of daycare is astronomical IMO. So while we want a 3rd, we will be waiting until DS is in kindergarten and DD is 3.
Why I like this spacing...close in age to play together (once DD is a little older) but not so close that we are paying through the nose for DC forever and DS is a little more independent than if they were closer.
We have a 12 yo, 11 yo, and 5 month old. The older two are too close together IMO (15 months) because they have perpetually head-up-each-others-butt syndrome. They drive everyone including each other crazy with their inability to do anything alone.
The youngest is a lot younger than the other two than I would have liked. It will be similar to my sister and I (11 years apart) and as a teenager I always felt bad that I would and did move out when she was seven. It feels more like a relationship with a cousin or niece than a sibling in some ways.
I think 3 or 4 years would be ideal. There would be some things in common most of the time growing up and some things to themselves. You would have a mentor for the younger and someone to keep the older from growing up too fast. And I wouldn't want to be pregnant while one was still young enough to be carried around most of the time.
There is a 2 yr age gap with our two. It's working well with us because DD1 is capable enough to do little errands like fetch me things.
She does get a bit jealous and when she got sick this week it was hard as she was really clingy. DH went out of town for a couple of weeks which also made her super clingy to me.
We're planning a 3rd and are currently debating whether to do the same age gap or plan a bigger age gap like 3 yrs. I like the idea of getting to enjoy my DD2 for longer before introducing a 3rd, but I also like them being close in age because then I'd have all 3 at home for a year before DD1 goes to school, which seem easier then having to get a 5 yr old to school everyday with a newborn.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
My first two are 3.5 yrs apart and it is the best spacing ever. Granted, my oldest is one of those kids that was born middle aged
but he had no issues with the second. The joke was that J treated S like a house cat. He would pat him on the head with a 'hi baby' and go back to whatever he was doing.
I really wish S would be a bit older when new kid comes along. He'll be just under 3, but he is a lot 'younger' than my oldest and I do expect A LOT of jealousy!
DD2 October 2010
DS September 2012
DD was 2.5yo when DS was born. I think it was a good gap. I was really worried because she was very clingy and a mama's girl, but she adapted well. Of course I told her the baby was HER baby brother, he's part of HER family, etc... basically I tried to make it all about her. And it worked well for us. She pretty much thought DS was a present we got just for her. They will be 5yo and 3yo when this baby comes. I've never had more than one in diapers at a time, but I realize that wouldn't be true for a lot of people with the same age gap.
Right now they usually play well together. At the park they have imaginative play and DD bosses DS around a lot. DS is perfectly willing to play princess with her, sometimes as the dragon and sometimes as a princess. DD is big enough to help DS turning on the light in the bathroom or getting the right show on TV. They also have moments of grabbing, hair pulling and toy stealing. The last few days I've been introduced to the classic "s/he's touching me!!!" wail. I thought I had a few more years before I heard that one.
Oh, and I have a SS who is 12y older than DD, 15y older than DS, and will be 18y older than #3. It's not an ideal age gap for sibling closeness, but it's very handy to have a 3rd "adult" around in a pinch. He is mostly awesome with them, though he tends to be a bit strict which cracks me up.
Good Luck
I have 3.5 years between #1 and #2, then just 12.5 months between #2 and #3.
There are pros and cons to either spacing and I really dont think I could tell you which one I prefer. I think the other factors (financial, space, work, ect) are more important to consider than simply the number of years between children.
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